Chaotic
by dontmissthis
Summary: Sequel to Control. Jane's getting a lot more than she had ever thought she could handle. Will she break under the added pressure of bringing a child into the family or grow stronger with Maura's help?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Not mine and this is the only time I'll type this. **

**A/N: Here's the sequel. Long, bumpy road ahead, folks. It's not going to be all fluff and rainbows (this chapter mostly is, though), so here's the warning!**

**Tell me what ya think and what you would like to see!**

…**..**

I—well, _we_ proposed to each other on December 25th. We got married the very next day. For someone as rich and well-to-do as Maura, she was pretty adamant on not spending money on a wedding to show everyone how much we already _know_ we love each other. And maybe because her parents still hated us. Hell, they still do. But I don't regret a thing about the way we did things; I hate dresses anyway.

It's been exactly a year since we walked into the courthouse and Ma cried over not having a huge ceremony—she's still secretly holding out for one—and we decided to celebrate our anniversary in a not-so-sappy way.

We came home after work, ate dinner, drank wine that I still don't really care for, and I gave her a necklace I made out of paperclips at work because I was bored. She just laughed and hung it on a hook on the refrigerator door. And then she promptly got naked before I even had time to blink.

That was almost an hour ago. I've came at least three times and she hasn't at all. This has never happened before. I'm panicking. What if she's bored with me? What if I'm not good enough? What if she's finally been with me long enough to realize she really wants to go back to a fucking man? I hope that's not what it fucking is.

So I thrust the strap on harder, faster into her. She's moaning—and they're real—but it's still just not enough for her. I lean down and take her nipple in my mouth as I reach a hand down between us and start rubbing her clit.

My muscles are burning from how long, how many positions we've tried. But I'm not going to stop till she gets there or finally tells me to quit.

Her back arches and her head falls back against the pillow, her eyes close and I think she's finally there.

But, nope.

She falls back down against the bed and opens her eyes as she lets out a frustrated groan. "I can't, Jane. I just…it's not working."

I slow my thrusts, but don't stop. I lace our hands together and press a kiss to her lips. "That's okay. I'm enjoying this—getting to feel you, hear you, touch you. It's okay," I say in hopes that she'll relax just a little bit and come.

Five minutes later, and no such luck. Goddamnit.

I pull out of her and drop the harness to the floor before crawling between her legs. Her legs instantly go on my shoulders—a routine that we've perfected with ease. We tried this earlier, but hopefully now it'll actually work since she isn't trying so fucking hard.

I lick one slow, long swipe up her slit and her hips instantly jerk. I grin to myself. This may actually do it this time. One lick, another and another and her thighs are clamping down against my ears. I pull her clit into my mouth and do that thing that normally gets her off in two seconds flat and her hips jerk back once again.

"Jane," she whispers.

I take it as encouragement and wrap my hands around her legs, pulling them open wider again. I flick at it with my tongue as I suck against it and her heels start to dig into my back.

"Jane," she says in a louder voice.

She has _got _to be getting close by now. Without stopping my tongue, I reach up to push a couple of fingers into her and her hands tangle in my hair.

"Jane, _please _stop!"

I instantly jerk back and scan over her entire body as I climb over to lay beside her. She's never used the word before. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you? What's wro—"

"—I'm fine. I'm just…distracted," she says as she rolls on her side to face me.

"Oh. Okay." Thank God. I was so fucking scared I hurt her.

She goes to tangle our legs together and she gasps. "It wouldn't kill you to shave your legs every once in a while, Jane."

I can't even help but laugh at the look on her face. It's been a year and I'm still not tired of seeing that grin. "It wouldn't kill you to not point it out either, would it?"

She puts on her best thinking face before starting to laugh with me. It's still the best sound in the entire world. It dies down too quickly though, and there's a heavy silence that wasn't here before. She moves to where everything below our chests are touching and I run a finger down the slope of her nose.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She nods her head and captures my hand in hers. She brings them down to rest in the small place between us. Her face is so serious that I'm honestly worried. Work hasn't been too hard lately, I haven't ruined any of her clothes in the laundry in at least a week, and we haven't fought over something more than doing the dishes in a really long time. This has to be something else and I'm scared of what it might be.

"Okay, what's got you so distracted?"

She twists so that she's looking up at the ceiling, but our legs are still intertwined. "What do you think about children?"

Dear. Shit. My heart immediately starts pounding against my chest. What do I think about children? Loud. Obnoxious. Fragile. Uncontrollable. And now my control issues have come back into play. Fucking great.

I prop myself up on one elbow to look down at her and shrug. "Depends on whose children we're talking about."

She rolls her eyes—a habit I really wish she hadn't picked up from me even though it _is _cute when she does it—and flips to where she's propped up on her elbow beside me. "Who's children would I be so focused on that I couldn't even climax tonight?"

Her frustration always makes me want to test her. I'm so immature. Another reason for me to not have kids. "Well, Doctor Isles, I thought it was imperative to never guess?"

She narrows her eyes and gives me a playful shove on my shoulder. "Be serious, Jane. Unless you want what happened tonight to happen every night, we really should talk about this."

Well, shit. She has me there. I don't ever want to go through this again. "Right. Children…" I trail off. How the fuck am I supposed to tell her I'm scared to have them without crushing her heart? Ugh. "Children are…fun. Happy. Um, playful…" Shit. I'm running out of synonyms. Must get out of this fast. "What do you think about kids?"

She flops back down to where she's staring straight up. "I think I'd like to have some."

Some? Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not even sure about _one. _"Uhm," I have to clear my throat, "When? When would you like to have…some?"

Smooth, Rizzoli. Smooth.

Her shoulders shrug against the sheets. "Soon."

I feel so fucking ambushed. She's going to get her way with this. She always fucking does. Damnit. "Well, a slimy, goo-covered baby is not coming out of my body in any way, shape, or form. Hate to break it to you," I deadpan. No fucking way is that happening.

"I didn't expect it to, Jane," she says in a steely voice. Then promptly rolls over and faces the opposite direction to where no part of her is still touching me. Foot, meet mouth. Great. This is definitely not how we are going to go to sleep.

I scoot to where her back is pulled flush against my stomach and wrap my arm around her waist. "Maura, you know I didn't mean it like that." She says nothing. "I just…I deflect when I get scared. And kids….well, kids are pretty fucking scary."

"How are children scary," she finally asks. Her voice is deep and throaty so I can tell she's trying not to cry. I slowly rub my hand up and down her stomach. It's normally helps her fall asleep every night. Something about routines and comfort and some other shit, but she likes it and I like doing it.

"I don't know, they just are. Like…something could happen to them. They could get hurt. You see the same things I do every day, Maura. You know what it's like out there. Are you comfortable knowing that's what you'll be raising our child in?"

She pushes back, trying to get closer to me. "We could always move to a secluded location…"

"Real funny, Maur." When did she get so fucking cheeky? I'm supposed to be the smartass here. She laughs and rests her hand on top of mine on her stomach. "For once, I'm trying to be serious. I'm scared that they might run into something like what happened to me…Ya know?"

She takes a deep breath and rolls over in my hold to face me. She's definitely not laughing anymore. "I honestly didn't consider that, Jane. I'm sorry," she whispers.

Even when she's trying to comfort me, I feel guilty about things like that. I can't keep her from something that'll make her happy…but I'm not so sure agreeing with her about this will let _me _be happy. I'll probably just be worried all the time instead. I reach up and rub away the worry lines on her forehead with my thumb. "Don't be sorry. Only a fucked up person would think about something like that, anyway."

"Do not say something like that about yourself, Jane." She leans over and kisses me. "Never say that. It doesn't mean you're broken to think that way. It means you'd be a very good parent." I can't help but scoff. "I'm serious, Jane. Thinking about all the things that could go wrong…thinking about all the things that could hurt them…it means you'll always be two steps ahead. You'll always make sure they're safe."

I want to believe her, I really do. But I'm still so damn scared for our kids. Well, soon to be our kids. Shit, she already has me roped into this. "You really think that?"

She smiles and nods her head. "I can't lie, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah. I know." I really hope she's fucking right about that. Other people raise their kids just fine every day, how bad could it really be?

I lean over to kiss her, fully intending to end this conversation and go to sleep, but she rolls to where she's straddling me and kissing and licking at my neck only pausing every so often to speak. "I..can't wait…to have…your…children."

But the way she says 'your' is not innocent at all. I know her too well. That was her scheming voice. She's already got a plan involving both of us, but purposely leaving me out of it. Sneaky. I push her back away from me until I can look in her eyes. "_My _children?"

Her eyes are dancing and she tries to give me the best innocent smile she can muster. "You've heard of In-Vitro Fertilization, haven't you?"

….

….

**I've got a mischievous/awful plan coming up in the next few chapters, you guys. Oh lordy. Brace yourselves. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews! I love them (: Don't read too far into the medical jargon here, I'm only using what I learned in college last semester. Which isn't much. **

**THIS CHAPTER HAS A VERY GRAPHIC SCENE. Not in ANY kind of sexual way, either. So just be prepared. It's in italics (even though I hate those) just in case you decide to skip it because it would probably be considered a little…rough for some people. Don't say I didn't warn ya!**

…**..**

"Pull down your pants," Maura says as she takes a step towards me.

"No," I gruff out as I shake my head and lean back against the counter. I refuse to do this again.

"Jane, must we go through this every—"

"Have you_ seen _the size of that thing?" It's huge. It's fucking huge.

She rolls her eyes and looks down at it. "It's less than two inches, Jane."

I frown and cross my arms. "That's still pretty fucking big," I mumble out. I hate this so fucking much. All because Maura is adopted and is afraid our kid will get cancer or something and she won't be a blood match. The things I do for her.

She gives me her best 'don't fuck with me, Jane Rizzoli' face as she quickly walks over and yanks down the side of my sweat pants. Before I even have time to protest she's shoving the needle in my ass cheek. I hiss and squirm away from her as she pulls it out. "Shit, Maura. A little warning next time would be great."

"You knew we had to do it," she says in her 'matter of fact voice' as she drops it down in a little bag, "It was either that or listen to you complain about the inevitable. For someone who acts so tough, I'm surprised you're scared of a needle."

My mouth drops open and I point at her. "I am _not _scared, Maura! Not scared." I'm definitely not scared. I just don't like them. There's a difference.

She just shakes her head and laughs. "That's good, then. The needle they use for the follicular aspiration is much larger," she looks back at me with her faux innocent grin, "You'll be sedated for that, though, so you most likely won't see the size of it."

Sedated? What the fuck? I've already went through two weeks of ass cheek abuse, there's no way I'm going through that. "Why the hell do I need to be sedated?"

"Well, if you had read the pamphlets I had gotten for you," she pauses as I roll my eyes and let out an exasperated huff. She knew I wouldn't read those fucking pamphlets. "You would know that they sedate to reduce discomfort in the egg retrieval process."

I have to lean back against the counter to brace myself. I know these shots make me moody as hell, but this is just too much. "That's uh…that's not very comforting, Maura."

"Jane," she says as she walks over to me and lightly kisses me. "You're going to be fine. I'll be there with you until it's time for the procedure, okay?"

I take a deep breath and pull her against my chest. This is all she's been able to talk about for the past two weeks. She's wants this so badly, I can't let her down. I can do this.

Maybe if I keep telling myself that, I'll actually believe it.

…

_I'm tied to a chair with rope and zip ties and duck tape is covering my mouth. My head feels so fucking heavy that I can't even lift it as I try to work my jaw to loosen the tape. It's so fucking hot that my clothes are sticking to me and it's making it even harder to breathe. It's not until I hear a muffled cry that I force myself to look up. _

_The room is dim, with a single light in the middle of the room. A single light that's shining down on Maura. She's lying on a table, arms and legs taped down to it. She's trying to scream around the makeshift gag in her mouth and wriggle herself free, but it's not working. It's never that easy with him. _

_Her shirt is lifted to where the swell of her pregnant stomach is exposed. I already know where this is going. This can't be fucking happening. No. Not to her. She doesn't deserve something like this. I start throwing my body weight forward to where my chair is slowly scooting closer to her, inch by inch. My heart is pounding so hard I swear I can fucking hear it. I have to make it over to her. I have to let her know that I'm here with her through it all._

_She's looking over at me, tears rolling down her cheeks, trying to say something to me but I can't make it out because of that goddamn gag. I want to tell her it'll be okay, that we will make it out of this just fine, but I can't get the tape off my fucking mouth. Why the fuck is this happening?_

_I instantly freeze as I hear a loud thud come from the far corner of the room. I'm so close to her, so fucking close, but still not close enough. My hands are sweating, my mouth is dry, I can't fucking breathe. And it only gets worse when I see him walk up to her. _

_The light glints off the scalpel as he runs the dull edge down her cheek, her chest, to the middle of her stomach. Maura's crying harder now, choking and gagging as she tries to calm herself down. I'm vaguely aware of hearing my own muffled screams, but I'm not really sure if it's really me or not. He hasn't even touched me, but he's still in control of every fucking thing I do. _

_He looks up at me and smiles as he holds the scalpel back up in the air. "It's so nice to see you again, Janie. It's been quite some time, hasn't it?"_

_It's been so long. So fucking long that I forget he ever existed most of the time. I want to go back to that. I need to go back to that. But he puts the scalpel down on her stomach and I know I'll never be able to forget again. _

_He pushes the sharp edge against her stomach and a thin line of blood starts trickling out. Maura's screaming louder and I'm screaming louder now, too. I can feel the tears running down my face, knowing I look so pathetically weak, but I can't even stop. Not Maura, please don't do this to her._

_He laughs until there's a line from one side of her to the other. He reaches down to her stomach and I have to close my eyes. Hearing her scream and struggle against him is bad enough, I know I can't fucking watch him do this to her. _

_After a few seconds of her screaming and his laughing comes a different kind of cry. I force myself to look. I really fucking wish I hadn't. _

_Maura is splayed open, pale and covered in blood, not moving. I have to tear my eyes away from her as fast as I can because I start to heave. I look up and he is holding up the baby towards me. I can't tell if it's a boy or a girl, but it's screaming so fucking loud that I know it's okay. _

_I try even harder to get out of this fucking chair, but nothing is helping. His lips curl into that horrifying sneer as he brings the baby to his chest. "It's mine, Jane. I'll teach it everything I know and then I'll let it come for you. I'll let it finish what I started." He starts laughing so hard the baby starts crying even louder. "Wouldn't that be something, Janie? Having __your __child grow up to be just like __me__?"_

_I'm starting to hyperventilate and my wrists are fucking bleeding. This can't be happening. He walks over to me and rubs one of his bloodied hands across my cheek. "So naïve. You'll never escape me, Janie," he presses a finger to my chest, "I'm always going to be in there. I'll make sure the only person you have room for in your life is __me__."_

…_.._

I wrestle my way out of Maura's arms and sit up straight in the bed. I'm covered in sweat and I'm gasping for breath. That was fucking horrible. It's been so long since I had a nightmare that I almost forgot what they felt like. Maura sits up and looks at me, one eye closed and the other barely squinted open. Her hands fumble around until she reaches my shoulders and pulls me against her.

"Do you want to talk about it," she whispers in her thick, sleepy voice.

I do want to talk about it. We always talk about stuff like this because it helps me let go. But after that clusterfuck of a dream, I know I won't be going back to sleep anyway. "No. Later," I mumble.

Too tired for words, she just nods and pulls us back down to the mattress. I rest my head on her chest, listening to the drum of her heart as she falls asleep. I know I couldn't handle losing her. But her _and _a child? It would devastate me.

I can't do this. It's way too fucking soon. They did whatever it is they did in that fucking petri dish yesterday, so I know Maura wants to go and get herself knocked up as soon as she can. Something about almost being 35 and the risk of autism or something, I don't even know.

But, I do know they can freeze them. And if they do that, we can wait. I need to wait. This isn't something I'm ready to do.

…..

It's nearly nine o'clock at night by the time I finally get home from taking Ma to the middle of fucking nowhere for a set of curtains. Maura's sitting on the couch in my favorite t-shirt and a pair of Sox sweats I bought her so she'd stop stealing mine. She looks fucking great in what she normally wears, but seeing her like this—she'd never let anyone else see her so slouchy—has a place in my heart. I love seeing her like this.

"Love you," I say as I kiss her on the top of the head and sit down. I pull her legs onto my lap and start rubbing her feet. She'll never admit it, but those heels kill her feet and this at least makes them feel a little better.

"I didn't expect you to be gone so late, Jane. Was the weather bad?"

It's January. In Massachusetts. Of course the weather is bad. "A little bit. What took so long was Ma trying to decide which curtains would match her dining room table the best," I say as I roll my eyes. It was literally two hours of curtain comparisons.

"The table? You'd think she'd want to match the drapes."

I never should've explained that joke to her. Ugh. "Ew, Maura. That's my mother you're talking about."

"Ah," she does an exaggerated nod, "Right. Sorry."

She gives a sympathetic smile and takes my hand in hers before turning her face back to the tv. She looks…different. Like she's guilty. Guilty, but happy. I was going to tell her what my dream was last night so maybe I could get some sleep uninterrupted sleep tonight, but now I just really want to know what's going on in that big brain of hers.

"Maura…" She looks back at me and bites her lower lip. Yep, she's guilty. "What did you do?"

She pulls her hand away from me and starts spinning her wedding ring around her finger. "Well," she says as she pulls her legs off of me and pulls her knees to her chest. I don't even think I want to know. She is hardly capable of not touching me for five seconds, so it's really fucking weird that she's pulled away from me like this purposely.

I raise my eyebrows at her. This is freaking me the hell out. If she bites any harder on that lip it's probably going to bleed. She never stalls like this."Later that same day."

She glares at me before taking a deep breath. "The clinic called today."

"Okay?" Shit, shit, shit.

"They said the eggs were most viable for implantation today."

Shit. Time to tell her I'm not ready for this, yet. Oh, and break her heart. Great. "Maura, we need—"

"So, I went in and had the procedure," she says, quicker than I've ever heard her speak before.

I do a double take at her. There's no fucking way she just said what I think she said. I swear my heart stops beating. I shoot up off the couch and point down at her. "You did _what?"_

"I—"

"No, don't say it again. I heard you the first time." I'm fucking furious. I've never been so mad at her before. "How could you _do_ that?" My voice is harsh, almost too harsh. A tear starts rolling down her cheek.

She shakes her head almost imperceptibly. "What do you mean, Jane? We've talked about this for weeks. You said this is what you wanted."

I clench my jaws together. She's in the wrong this time, not me. She's not going to make me feel guilty. "When we talked about this, you said we would do this _together._ Doing this while I was out of town is not together, Maura." Tears are falling freely down her face now and her hands are shaking as she tries to wipe them away. That's usually my job, but I'm too mad to even fucking touch her. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just _maybe, _I had changed my mind? Did you?"

"No," she sobs out as she drops her head in her hands.

I know this isn't the best way to go about it. But, how the fuck could she think this was okay? Granted, we _have _talked about it for weeks. But my dream showed me how unready I really am.

I stare down at her, trying to calm my breathing until she finally looks up at me. Her eyes are puffy and red and mascara is running down her cheeks. I absolutely hate seeing her cry, but I can't bring myself to tell her it's okay this time because it's not.

"Jane—"

"—No. I can't do this, Maura. I just…I have to go," I say as I grab my keys off the coffee table.

She reaches out to catch my arm as I walk past her, but misses. "Jane, please don't leave. We can talk about this."

But, I just keep walking. If I stay, I'll say something I'll never be able to take back. Something we may not ever get past. Hell, I'm not even sure we'll get past what I've already said.

She calls out to me one last time before I walk out the door and get in the car. I can't do this. I'm not ready.

…

….

**So, don't kill me but please do tell me your thoughts. I'm iffy about this chapter. /:**

**And for those of you concerned about ****cheating****, don't worry. I don't intend on going there in this fic. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Your reviews have officially made me nervous. I feel like half don't like it and the other half secretly don't like it. *dying whale noise* But, I know I'm being paranoid and I do enjoy reading what you have to say! I love you all (:**

…

"Jane! What are you doing here?"

I brush past her and walk to the cabinet and pull out the bottle of vodka I hid on Christmas. It's the cheap shit, but it'll do. "I uh…I need some advice."

Ma walks over and smacks me with the dish towel that I swear she always has on her shoulder. "Jane Rizzoli, what the hell did you do?"

Incredulously, my mouth falls open and I shake my head. "Why do you always think _I _did something wrong?" The audacity.

She shrugs her shoulders and walks over to stir something on the stove. "Because I know you, Jane. You either start it or you finish it in the worst way possible," she turns back around to me and props herself up against the counter, "So, what did you do?"

I take a shot of vodka, appreciating the sting of my throat and the way it makes my eyes water. Cheap shit is the best shit when you want to take away from the pain of other stuff. Ma glares at me as I take a second shot, but says nothing. I came to her for advice, so she isn't gonna need to pull it out of me this time. I take a deep breath. How the hell am I supposed to tell her about this huge shit storm I've caused?

I bring my hands up to my face and rub my eyes, maybe it'll be easier if I don't have to look at her. "It's Maura. I…I really screwed things up tonight, Ma. Well…more like over the past month," I rub the scars on my hands, still refusing to look up at her. "I've screwed up in a really big fucking way. I don't know what to do."

"Oh, Jane…"

I finally look up at her and my eyes instantly start watering. She quickly flicks off the stove and pulls me to her. Her hands stay still on my back, but all I can think of is how one of Maura's favorite things to do is trace the scars on my bare skin. They remind her of resiliency, how anyone can bounce back from anything.

That just makes me sob harder. Will we bounce back from this? I don't even fucking know. I shouldn't have walked out on her like that. I should've told her how I felt sooner. But she was so fucking happy, I couldn't bear to take that away from her because I'm such a chickenshit. So, I held everything in—how do you talk to the one person you go to with everything when they're the one you need to talk about?—and it bubbled and boiled and festered until I finally broke and ended up crying on my mother's shoulder in the middle of the kitchen. Damnit. I have Maura, a family, a job…I have every reason to be happy about this next step. The only thing standing in my way is _me._

"Ma," I choke out, "What's wrong with me?"

She pulls back and starts wiping off my cheeks. "There is _nothing_ wrong with you," she reaches around me and grabs the handle of vodka, "Now, come and tell me what happened."

She drags me to the couch and screws off the lid and takes a big gulp straight from the bottle. My eyebrows shoot up. Ma's clearly been holding out on me. She passes it to me and I trace the rim with my finger. I don't even know where to fucking start. I take a small sip and hand it back to her.

"It's about the whole baby thing," I finally mumble.

Ma turns so fast I swear she gets whiplash. "Why? What's wrong? Did something happen to—"

"—No, Ma. It's just…" I push my fingers to my temples. This whole mess has given me a headache. I can't tell her what Maura did because that is definitely something that should stay between us. That'd come around and bite me in the ass real fast. Time to make myself sound solely responsible for this.

"I lied to her. She just seemed so happy, ya know? She's never had a family of her own before and now she has all of us. I guess she thought a baby would make it complete or something. So, I told her I was ready and I'm clearly not."

She encouragingly gives my thigh a squeeze. "Why don't you just talk to her about it? I'm sure Maura will understand that you're not ready now," she turns and narrows her eyes, "That doesn't mean you get out of giving me grandbabies, though."

I can't help but laugh at the end of that. It's just so typically _Ma. _But my face quickly sobers up . I haven't even told her the worst parts yet. "I was going to talk to her about it today after I got back from going shopping with you, but that didn't exactly…work out as planned."

I absentmindedly start picking the label off the bottle between sips. The more we talk about this, the more I welcome the burn. I just don't even know what to fucking do. I know I should go back and work things out with Maura, but there's just something reassuring about knowing Ma has already gone through it before. Maybe after this I'll be more prepared to deal with the shitstorm I've created. "How did you know? Like how did you know you were ready to have kids?"

Ma tries not to spit out the vodka as she laughs. I really need to start coming over here more, I think she just sits around drinking by herself like a hardass. She wraps her arm around me and pulls me over to lean on her. "Oh, Jane. I didn't know. It came as a complete surprise to me and your father. One night we went out, drank just a little too much, and then—"

"—Yeah, okay," I say as I grimace and wave my arm in the air. I definitely don't need to know the details of how I came to be. We sit in silence for a beat before I decided to ask one last question. "Were you scared?"

I feel her nod more than see it. "Yeah, of course I was…we both were. We were scared because we were so unprepared. Scared that something could go wrong at any minute…that's something a mother never grows out of, though," she says as she rests her cheek on my head. "I still worry about you every day, Jane."

Well. That didn't help shit. I'm still scared. And now I'm worried because apparently I'm always going to be scared and worried. Great.

She looks over and purses her lips. Her scheming face. Shit. "Do you worry about Maura?"

"Yeah, of course I do." Every fucking day. I never want anything to happen to her.

Ma gives me a sly grin. I know where this is going. "Would you give her up just so you wouldn't have to worry about her anymore?"

I sit still for a second, letting it sink in. I would never give up Maura just because I worry about her because I love her too damn much. Then it hits me. I guess it's like that with kids, too.

I shake my head and start to stand up, but Ma catches me before I can. "Maura will understand, Jane. It won't be easy, but if anyone can do it, it's you two. A cop _and _a doctor? Seems like the most capable set of parents I've ever heard of," she says with a wink as she leans up and kisses my cheek. "You'll be great. Don't ever doubt yourself. You'll get through this together like you always do."

I give a weak smile and walk to the door. I hope she's right this time.

…

Maura's on me before I even shut the door. Her arms wrap around my waist and her body is flush against me. She buries her head against my chest and I stand still for a few minutes as she cries. This isn't a 'my favorite perfume is out of stock and I have to wait two weeks to get it' kind of cry (been there, done that), this is a 'I thought you left forever and it's all my fault' kind of cry. It's horrible.

Her tears are seeping through my shirt and her body is shaking so hard it's making mine tremble. Her cries are echoing against me and it's all I can do to not break down with her. If this isn't heartbreaking, then I don't know what the hell is. I can't believe I just walked out on her and left her like this. I mean, I wasn't gone very long, but still. Who the fuck does that? I'm no better than everyone else who has always left her. I feel like shit.

I wrap one hand around her lower back and my other hand tangles in her hair as I slowly start walking her backwards to the couch. "Maura, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have walked out on you like that."

That just makes her cry harder. "You left me, Jane," she sobs out, "You promised you'd never leave me."

My name should have definitely been changed to Asshole Rizzoli by now. Damnit. She's right though. I should've just stayed and yelled or _something. _But instead I just ran out and left her here to overthink things by herself like a pussy.

We finally reach the couch and I prop myself against the arm. Her neck is blochy, her whole face is puffy, and her hands are shaking. I'm such an ass. She eyes me, warily—wanting to know if there is some line that shouldn't be crossed right now. She _is_ terrible with social cues, after all. But I'm definitely not mean enough to tell her to sit on the other side of the room right now. Not after I hurt her so much already. So I open my arms and she quickly resumes her usual spot on me—ear to my chest, hands clutching at my shirt on my sides—although her full body weight sags against me this time. Like I she's utterly defeated. Like I broke her. Destroyed her.

I start running my fingertips across her back, her arms, knowing she just needs to feel that I'm here. I wait for her to say something, but she doesn't. She's letting me take the reins on this. Her head bobs up and down with my deep breath.

"You're my wife, Maura. We're partners… a team. One of us can't just make the decision to bring someone into this family without the other. It just doesn't work like that, okay? I mean, I know we've talked about it for a while now, but you still shouldn't have done it without me. That's something we both should've been—"

"I know, Jane, and I'm so sorry. They just called and said it was the best time and you weren't here and I thought you'd be happy and—"

"—Maura, calm down." I say. If I don't she's just going to ramble on and on and start crying again. Well, she's already crying again but it'll just get worse. "Let me finish."

She takes a deep breath and nods against my chest. "Sorry," she whispers out, her voice thick.

I let my eyes close and rest my head back against the arm of the couch. "I had a dream—"

"To sharpen your ability to practice responses towards threatening situations," she says with a nod as her head pops up. She tells me this line every single time I have a nightmare. Every single time. It's cute…except for when I'm trying to tell her why I ran away from her tonight.

I push her cheek back down against me. "Stop, Maura. Not the time for that. I'm trying to be serious."

"Sorry," she whispers. She's about to cry again. Great.

"No, I'm sorry," I say as I start running my fingers through her hair. "I just had a dream last night and it scared the hell out of me. I mean I was scared before, but you wanted this so badly that I couldn't say no. I thought I'd be ready by the time it got here. But last night," I let out a dry laugh, "it was horrible, Maura. He killed you. He killed you and took our kid. I'm just so scared that I won't always be here to protect it…protect _both_ of you, ya know? That something will go wrong and I'll blame myself forever."

She props herself up on her forearms and hovers above me. "Jane," she says as she runs one hand gently down the side of my face, "I'm scared too, okay? I'm scared I'll be too clinical to be a good mother. I'm scared our child will get injured in a way I won't know how to fix. I'm scared," she whispers as her voice starts to waver, "I'm scared this will be something that pushes you away."

Her lips graze mine just barely before pulling back, knowing we aren't quite there yet but still wanting to feel me. "But, I know it won't. While love is possible of bringing about your worst traits—jealousy, anxiety, anger—it only brings out your best traits, Jane. Your compassion. Kindheartedness. Devotion. You show me those things every single day. I can imagine a child would only multiply those things in you," she says as she presses one hand to my heart. "I love you. Don't ever doubt yourself; you are amazing. You'll protect us just like we'll always protect you."

I reach up and wipe away a tear I didn't know escaped. Damnit, she's good with words. But she's right, they will protect me. She's the reason I'm cautious on the job—I have someone to come home to now. Add a kid and I may never leave the bullpen without full body armor just so I know I'll be safe. So I know I'll still be alive to protect them the next day.

I nod my head a give a small smile. "We can do this."

She smiles back. "Yes, we can." She finally leans down and gives me an actual kiss. She has a little smirk on her lips as she pulls back. "As for your dream, you shouldn't worry about having to protect us from him. The last time I checked, there is no possible way for the body to intentionally harm anyone once it is deceased."

My brow furrows and I drop my hands from her completely. "Deceased?"

Her eyes squint and her head is tilts to the side. "Yes, Jane. Deceased. The state of no longer being—"

"—No, no. I know what deceased means, Maura. But what did _you _mean by saying he was deceased?"

One of her eyebrows raises ever so slightly. "I meant he was no longer living, Jane. What else could I have meant?"

Oh, shit. Can't wait to get this over with. "Maura," I say as I finally force myself to look away from her face. I doubt this is going to go down very well. "He isn't dead."

She pulls back to where she's kneeling on the couch between my legs. "That isn't something you should joke about. It'll only serve to increase the frequency of your night—"

"—I'm not joking, Maura. He's not dead."

Her mouth falls open as she tries to decide if I'm telling the truth or not. I'm definitely telling the truth about this. "But you…you said he was dead, Jane. Why did you lie about that?"

My eyes get wide and I pull myself to a sitting position. "I never said he was dead! We never talked about him, Maura. We always talked about what he did to _me _but never about what happened to _him."_

I can hear her sharp intake of breath from here. I guess she sees why that dream scared me so fucking much, now. She anxiously starts spinning her rings again. "I must've unconsciously fabricated…I don't…Jane, please tell me you are just trying to unnerve me."

I've never seen her eyes so green before. So fucking….terrified before.

I know—well, I fucking hope—he isn't ever going to get out to hurt us. I mean, I've always known there was a chance that he could, the fear sneaks up on me in my weakest moments. But, Maura…Maura's just now getting the chance to see why I've been so scared about all of this. That what I'm having is real fear. And now she's feeling it, too.

I shake my head and wrap my arms around my knees. "He's definitely alive. In jail, but alive."

…

…

**Okay, so how ugh was that? Do tell me what you think. I'll love you for it. **

**I'm also going to take a week hiatus on this if I can stay away. So, leave me things to read when I return! Muah. x**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I knew I couldn't stay away for a whole week.**

**Thank you for the lovely reviews! I'm glad you liked that chapter and I hope this one is alright! xx**

**First half deals with some more of the emotional fall out, second half is, well…almost pointless if not kind of entertaining. **

…**..**

"Just for you," Maura says with a smile as she sets a plate down in front of me. A plate that is covered with a burger, fries, hot wings and chocolate covered bacon. Jesus Christ.

My eyebrows raise as I poke around at the fries. I have to tread carefully. Those shots we had to take haven't fully worn off and they've made her overly sensitive and weepy. And I really don't want her to cry again. I've had enough Maura tears in the past few days to last a lifetime. "This looks…great, Maur."

She smiles and sits down at the table next to me with a salad more fit for a rabbit. "Thank you. I knew those were your favorite things as of late."

She's right, they are my favorites—just not all at once. It's been a whole week of her doing stuff like this and I'm just now understanding why. I reach over and pull one of her hands in mine. "I appreciate everything you do for me. I really do. But, Maura…you've got to stop."

Her eyebrows knit together and she turns away and looks down at her food. "What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean," I say as I gently pull her face to look back over at me. "Stop trying to make things up to me, Maura. What's done is done. You can't keep feeling guilty about it, okay?"

Her head leans until her cheek is resting in my hand. "I just don't understand how you don't resent me, Jane. I had the implantation done _without _you. I took the next step in our relationship _without_ you. I've just never felt so utterly guilt-ridden before," she takes a shaky breath and looks up at me, "I'm so sorry."

I knew what all this was about. I mean…she even let me go down on her in her office yesterday. That _never _happens. I thought we cleared all this up the night I ran out on her, but apparently not. I can't believe it took me this long to pick up on it.

My thumb rubs at the soft, pale skin of her cheek. "I could _never_ resent you. Even if I could change what you did, I wouldn't. Who's to say I wouldn't have chickened out if you had told me beforehand. This," I point down at her stomach, "this is going to be okay. I don't resent you. I was just scared and you know why. I'm still scared, but I'm still really glad you did it."

The corners of her lips turn up in the smallest smile. "Okay," she whispers and leans over to kiss me. "If it doesn't take, what are we going to do?"

This is a test to see if I really want a kid, I know it. And it's one I don't even have to lie to pass. I shrug my shoulders, nonchalantly. "We try again."

…

The blood test is tomorrow. The test that'll tell us if everything is about to change or not. So naturally, Ma decided to have a family dinner because apparently her food calms nerves or something. I'll never understand what's with that woman and cooking.

Maura had a mini-meltdown over Jo using her favorite Louboutins as a chew toy, so everyone's already sitting at the table when we get there. It's not until I see a familiar face that I almost stop dead in my tracks.

It's Frankie. Frankie and Susie. _Senior Criminalist Chang_, Susie.

Holy shit. I've never heard more than a couple of sentences from the girl. This is going to be weird as hell.

Maura seems unfazed as I pull out her chair and then sit down in mine. "It's wonderful to see you outside of work, Senior Criminalist Chang," she says as she sips her water.

"The same goes for you, Doctor Isles."

That's so fucking weird. I knew it. Who doesn't call people they've known for almost two years by their first name?

Frankie awkwardly scratches his neck and Tommy tries not to laugh by shoving as much food in his mouth as he possibly can. Ma recovers first and breaks the awkward silence. "Well, since you kids know each other I guess I won't need to do any more introductions!"

I laugh as I set down my beer. "Maybe you should, Ma. They clearly don't know each other's first names."

Maura gasps and lightly smacks me on the arm. "That is not true, Jane. I know her first name, I just choose to address her in a way that reflects her accomplishments. It's a sign of respect."

I ignore Susie's nod of agreement and raise my eyebrows. "So, you'd like it if I only called you Doctor Isles from now on?" Wouldn't want to disrespect her or anything.

She shakes her head and slightly waves her hand in the air. "Most certainly not. You know I only enjoy you addressing me by my official title in certain sexual scena—"

"—Maura!"

We have _got _to work on what's appropriate. "Sorry," she whispers as she blushes and scrunches her nose. I don't understand how she can say something like _that_ at dinner in front of my family and I _still _think she's the most perfect person I've ever met.

"S'okay," I say with a wink. I grab her hand in mine as Ma starts asking about the details of Susie's job. I've never noticed how thankful I am of Maura's thoughtfulness. She always sits on my right so we can hold hands, but still have free range our dominant ones. She's fucking perfect, like I said.

Tommy's voice finally pulls me out of my reverie. "Wow, Sus, your job sounds amazing."

Her cheeks turn light pink and she grins. "It's rewarding most of the time."

Oh, shit. Tommy's got 'the look' going on. This is going to be great. "If you're ever looking for a better Rizzoli," he shrugs, "you know where to find me."

Ma shoots one of her infamous glares at Tommy. "Your brother is a hardworking young man, Tommy. Maybe he could teach you a lesson or two."

Tommy turns scarlet red and Frankie smiles, smug as hell. "Yeah, Tommy. I'm _hardworking. _You're just a deadbeat that mooches off Ma and Pops when he's in town."

This isn't going to end well. It never does. Poor Susie. I tune them out and start eating, trying not to get worked up from Maura's roaming hand. It's getting dangerously high on my leg.

She finally puts her hand so high that I have to physically move her arm away from me. She huffs and leans over to me. "Susie keeps staring at your breasts, Jane. It's making me feel quite possessive," her hand finds its way back to my thigh and squeezes, "and quite aroused."

I look up at Susie mid-chew. What. The. Fuck. She isn't even trying to hide how much she obviously wants to do me. Neither is Maura—her face is damn near predatory. My face turns blood red and I start to choke on the food I had in my mouth.

Ma reaches over and starts hitting me on the back. "How many times have I told you kids to chew your food? But, no. You just shovel it in like a bunch of Neanderthals."

Maura keeps shoving her glass of water in my face and Ma is definitely about to break my back. Frankie and Tommy don't even stop arguing long enough to notice. Oh, and Susie's trying to seduce me by slowly licking sauce off her thumb, no big deal.

Finally, I stop coughing and push them both away. "Thanks for almost beating me to death, Ma. It helped _so _much," I say, dryly.

Maura leans up with a smile. "Actually, it's quite the misconception that repeatedly striking the…" she trails off as I give her a glare. She can't just say something like that, almost cause me to die, and then go back to scientific small talk with my mother like everything is just peachy. How the hell am I going to get through this dinner now that I know Maura wants to jump me? Damnit.

Luckily, something fell off the table during the commotion and now there's a blob of food on my pants. And for the first time, I'm glad it did. I give Maura our 'I'm about to sex you up' face—because she's still Captain Oblivious about subtle hinting—and then stand up. "Ma, I need to go get this off. Maura just bought these pants last week, she'd kill me if they stained."

Ma goes to get up and help me, but Maura beats her to it. "Yes, removing the stain and soaking the fabric as soon as possible often diminishes the likelihood of permanent discoloration."

Ma just nods and waves us off as she tries to get Tommy and Frankie to shut up. That was fucking easy. Except for when Maura and Susie have a stare down until we are out of sight. Jealous Maura is fucking sexy.

She all but shoves me down the hall and into the bathroom. Her eyes are definitely the darkest I've ever seen them as she shuts and locks the door. I lean down to kiss her, but she pushes me back against the vanity—hard.

"God, Woman. Are you _trying_ to kill me?"

"No," she pants out as she yanks open my belt and jerks my pants and underwear down to pool around my ankles. "I'm not interested in Necrophilia. I want you to be very much alive for what I'm about to do."

I start to say some sarcastic comeback, but she slides up my body and presses her lips against mine. I move to where I'm sitting on the edge of the vanity and she pushes her body against me. One of her hands tangles in my hair and she yanks back hard enough that I gasp. Her tongue slides in my mouth and it's clear who's in control right now.

It slides over the roof of my mouth—sending a shiver throughout my body. With one hand still gripping at my hair, the other dips lower and lower until it's between my legs. I try to push down and grind against it, but she bites down on my lip so hard that I yelp.

She pulls away and looks me in the eye as she pushes her fingers inside me—going straight for hard and fast. This'll be quick; we'll take our time later. I reach out to her and grab onto her shoulders and push. She takes the hint and drops to her knees without stopping her thrusts. The faster she goes, the faster I start to breathe.

She looks up at me, a look on her face that I've rarely gotten to see before. Still thrusting, she leans in and swipes her tongue against me without breaking eye contact. "This is mine, Jane," she pauses to take another lick. "All of you," she leans back in, moaning as her tongue flicks against my clit and I tighten my grip in her hair. "You're mine."

Seeing her like this, feeling the things she's doing to me…it's making me dizzy. I never want it to fucking stop. But, I know it will soon. I push her back against me and hold her there, not letting her pull back away to talk anymore. I'm so fucking close it's killing me.

"I'm yours, Maur," I pant out. "Just yours."

I feel her moan and smile against me, before working her tongue harder and faster—driving me higher and higher. My head falls back and rests against the mirror as I feel the tingling warmth start to spread through my limbs.

"Yours," is the last thing I manage to whisper out before I come—thighs clamping down around her head, fingers curling in her hair, not even caring if everyone in the dining room can hear me.

She brings me down—skilled in only ways that she can do—and then stands up and kisses me. She pulls back and runs her thumb across my bottom lip where I can only assume there's a small nick. "I'm sorry, Jane. I didn't intend to bite you that hard."

I lean over and lightly nip at her neck. "It's okay, I liked it."

Her eyebrows raise and she smiles, but says nothing. I'm in for it later, I can tell. I jump down from my perch and she pulls up my underwear and pants before turning to the door.

I look down and see the food still stuck to my pants—dried, gross, and more noticeable than before. I catch Maura by the arm before she can step out the door and turn her around .

"What about my pants," I ask as I point to the blob.

She just smirks and runs her finger down my jawline. "I think Susie will get the message," she grins even bigger and her eyes are dancing mischievously as she tilts her head. "Don't you?"

Damn. Possessive Maura is _definitely_ my favorite.

…

…**..**

**Okay, you guys. Send me one-shot prompts on tumblr and I'll write them! I'm stuck in a rut for the next chapter of this so I need something totally off the wall to get my mind moving again. **

**Or, just tell me what you think and what you'd like to see next in a review! (:**

**vcal7 . tumblr . com**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Yay thanks for the reviews! Fantastic, fantastic!**

**I hope I don't lose any readers with my decision for this chapter because there is still a lot more to come. But if I do, I'm glad you stuck with me this long and have enjoyed it and I love you! You helped make writing this and Control so much fun (:**

**And to those that stick around—yay! You're fantastic, too! You've also helped make this experience so much fun and I'm glad you're deciding to stay with me on this crazy ride! It'll only get more interesting from here!**

**Ps: I keep writing sex and I don't know why. Sorry if that's not your thing. Skip that part if you'd like!**

…**..**

IVF causes lower hormone secretions in the beginning. Lower hormone secretions mean less accurate pee-stick pregnancy test results. Less accurate does not fly with Maura Isles.

So here we are—Maura straddling my lap—with the phone resting between us as we wait for the call about her blood test results. The call that might just change our lives.

It's nerve-wracking. But weird at the same time. Who wants to get told they're pregnant by a nurse on the telephone? I'd much rather have held her pee stick. Or have had her do this in the lab herself—okay, against regulations, I know. Oh, well. As long as I don't have to fucking wait much longer, I'll be okay.

After about another fifteen minutes of waiting—Maura still straddling me, trying to detangle my ratty curls with her fingers—the phone finally starts blaring out opera music. She stares at it, not making any movement to pick it up.

"Maura, the pho—"

"Jane, I'm scared. What if it's negative," she asks, eyes wide.

I pick up the phone and shove it in her hands. "We'll deal with it when we get there." She just looks at me, not even blinking. "Answer it!"

The urgency in my voice pulls her out of her shock and she presses the button—only fumbling the phone twice. I watch as she says hello and freezes, her breath coming in quick bursts and eyes watering. A tear finally rolls down her cheek, but nothing on her face lets me know if it's a good tear or a bad tear.

A few seconds later, the phone slips from her grasp and falls between us. This can't be good. Damnit. I rub my thumb across my cheek—fully prepared to give my 'we'll try again' speech that I've practiced all day—when the corners of her lips finally tweak up in a smile.

"Jane," she all but breathes out.

It's a yes. It's a fucking yes.

I pull her against me, as tight as I can until I remember there's something else in there, too. I ease up my grip and she pulls back and puts both of her hands on my face. I've never seen a smile so big in my life. "We're going to have a baby."

I smile back, maybe even bigger. "We're going to have a baby." I pull her in for a kiss and then press my hand against her still-flat stomach.

She looks down and presses her hand on top of mine. "Did you know that the heart beat first occurs in the sixth week? That's next week, Jane."

Embarrassingly enough, I read up on some stuff—not that I'll ever tell anyone—but I still never understood this. "We only had it done two weeks ago, though?"

"Yes, that's correct," she says as she moves to where she's leaning against the arm of the couch and sitting in my lap instead of straddling me. "However, the development of the pregnancy is counted from the first day of the last normal menstrual period."

"Oh, well that makes sense." Okay, no it doesn't. People always make shit so difficult. Oh, well. Five weeks it is.

I push up her shirt and rest my hand on her stomach, feeling the warmth against my palm as it dips up and down with her every breath. She's staring at me so hard it's starting to weird me out. Time for distraction. I poke my finger in her belly button and look up at her with a grin. "Looks like you have to stop doing crack now, Maur. I don't want a six headed baby."

"Jane," she laughs and smacks at my arm.

I grin and start rubbing my hand across her stomach again. I can already tell this is going to become one of my new favorite parts of her. I wonder when she'll start to show? Pregnancy will look good on her, just like everything else. I've never felt so happy, excited, scared…everything all at once in my entire life. It's surreal.

I look back up to see Maura watching me again, but it doesn't weird me out this time. She's just trying to gage what I'm feeling and I'm glad. It means she's happy and wants to know if I'm happy, too. And I most certainly am. "When do you wanna start telling people?"

"I'd like to wait until at least the twelfth week, if that's okay? Most miscarriages occur before then, so it would be best if we wait." I nod as she starts pulling at a piece of my hair. "We can tell your family whenever you'd like, though. I'm sure your mother would appreciate that."

I know she means it in a good way, but my stomach instantly drops. Shit. I stop watching my hand draw circles against her skin and look up at her. "What about your parents? I'm pretty sure they'd like to know, too."

She shrugs, keeping her focus on my hair. "Perhaps. I'd prefer to wait until we tell everyone else, though."

I know why. If we lose it, they'll blame me. Blame her. Us. Our situation. How un-fucking-fair is that? Son of a bitch. I fucking hate them for all they put her through. I don't even think they deserve to be a part of our child's life. But that's ultimately up to Maura, not me. I'm not getting mixed up with them any more than I have to.

I pull on her until she sits up to where I can kiss her. It's not until I feel something wet on my face that I pull away. She's crying. And I mean a 'lots of tears' kind of cry. I can't tell if it's because she's happy or sad or overwhelmed or…ugh. Do hormones kick in this early? Oh god, I'm gonna have to look this up later.

She reaches up and grasps my face—her gaze is so penetrating that I swear I can feel everything she's feeling just by looking at me. "I love you, Jane," she bites her lip as she fights off a sob. "Please show me how much you love me so I can forget about how much they don't."

My heart just shattered. I swear to fucking God. How can anyone not love Maura? How can her own damn parents lead her to believe they don't love her? I'm going to have to go talk to them, I can already tell. Well, more like yell. But not right now. Right now I have to do what she asked me to do. Because I do love her. I love her enough to make up for everyone that she thinks doesn't. And I plan on showing her just that, not even caring about how much of a sap I'm about to be.

I guide her down on the couch to where she's lying on her back, careful to hover above her and not push down on her. I'm too scared to chance squishing our baby already—irrational as it is. She knows exactly what I'm thinking, though, and pulls me flush against her.

My lips ghost across her temple as she fights another wave of tears. "I love your brain. You teach me things every single day. Even when you think I'm not listening, I am. I love the things you know and that you care enough to share it with me."

I move down and press a kiss on her lips. "I love your mouth; your voice. Sometimes I want you to start talking and never stop. I want to drown in your words—always have them around me. When I hear your voice…it feels like I'm coming home."

A tear rolls down her cheek as I move to the deep V of her shirt and kiss her chest. "I love your heart. You're so kind and giving and compassionate. Not once do you ever stop and think only of yourself. You're perfect."

I go to move again, but I look back up at her. "I also love how you didn't correct me and say feelings don't come from the heart. That was kind of nice too," I say with a light laugh.

She finally smiles at that and I move to her hands. "Your hands…I love everything about your hands. Precise and skilled enough to do your job, but soft and gentle enough to comfort others when they need it most."

She laces one of our hands together and I use the other to pull up the hem of her shirt. "Your stomach," I say as I lay several open mouthed kisses on it, "is definitely one of the things I love most. I know it's not scientifically correct to say the baby is growing in there, but in a way…it kind of is. And I love you for that. I love you for offering your body and the next 9 months so selflessly so we can have a child together. So we can grow as a family."

I go to move down to her legs, but she grabs my arms and stops me. It's not until I look up at her do I see how flushed she is; how hard she's trying to control her breathing.

"Jane, I do appreciate this, but… certain parts of me are in need of your love right now and I don't mean my legs." Her thighs open and I drop my hips down between them. "Please," she whispers in a broken moan.

I need to do this every fucking time. I've never seen her so worked up. I lean back on my knees and pull her pants and underwear off before settling back down between her thighs. Her legs instantly go on my shoulders and I slowly start rubbing my fingers against her—relishing the sounds falling from her mouth, the way her back arches and her hips rock in rhythm with my hand, the way her calves clench on my shoulders and her bare heels dig into my back. Everything about this is perfected between us, and yet never feels the same any time we do it. Always new, always better.

She tries to thrust harder against me, so I slow down and gently bite at her thigh. "Not yet."

She lets out a frustrated groan and arches her back as I fleetingly run across her clit. "Why…not?"

"I want to," I pause as I feel her thighs clamp down around me and then relax as she fights it off. "I want to tell you why I love this part of you."

Her hands are clenching so hard to the couch that her knuckles are white and she slowly forces her eyes open. "Jane…please…I need to…"

My hand slows until its movements are almost imperceptible. Her hand flies down and grabs my arm, forcing it to move again, but hardly fast enough to give any relief. I smile as I turn and kiss the inside of her knee. "I love seeing you like this…feeling you like this…hearing the noises you make," she sighs as I slowly start picking up my pace again. "I love knowing I'm the only person who gets to do this to you. The only one who can break down your walls. The only one who can watch you unravel and see those few moments when everything around you ceases to exist and it's just us. You and me."

I pull my hand back and put my mouth down against her—knowing she likes being finished off this way almost more than anything else. A few licks and I feel her legs start to shake, so I pull back one last time. "I love you, Maura. I love everything about you. I always will. That's a promise."

A few more flicks of my tongue against her and she lets everything go. Hands clamped in my hair, back arching off the couch, thighs closing down around me, the incomprehensible gasps she makes as it rolls through her. I didn't even get to see it, but I can tell she's one of the most beautiful things to ever have existed at that moment.

I'm honestly not even surprised when I crawl back up and see tears rolling down her face. She pulls me against her—arms wrapping tight around my back and her legs around my thighs—and kisses my forehead. No words are needed. She knows exactly how much I love her. And for now, it's enough.

…..

…

**Oh, wow. What has gotten into me? This chapter was mostly fluff. I never write fluff!**

**Next chapter? Eh, we'll see. I don't have it planned yet, but I think I'll do something very unfluffy. Not making promises though lol (;**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Glad you're still with me. I love reading your reviews/messages and hearing what you have to say. It's fantastic!**

**And then, here's this chapter. Oops. **

…**..**

"Tommy, you need to stop right there."

He smirks and shrugs his shoulders from the passenger seat. "I'm just wondering, Jane. She's never, ya know…wanted a little something _more? _Something you couldn't give her?_"_

More than a year and a half and he still hasn't taken the fucking hint. He's pissing me the fuck off. I knew there was a reason he offered to go to the store with me. He just likes trying to get under my skin. Works every fucking time.

He chuckles. "Well, by the she was looking at me the other day…I'd say you better keep an eye on her. She's a wi—"

I cut him off by shoving his shoulder so hard that his head pops against the passenger window. "I told you to fucking stop."

That shit eating grin is still on his face as he sits back up. "You better watch your temper, Janie. I doubt she would like knowing you beat up her eye can—"

I throw the car in park and shove him harder. The noise his head makes as it hits the window is so loud, I'm almost certain he's going to have a huge fucking bruise. Not that I care. No one, absolutely _no one_ talks about Maura like that. "Get. Out."

He laughs as he tries to sit up. I push him to where his face is pressed against the glass. "I mean it. You can fucking walk home."

He's not laughing anymore. "Jane, you can't be serious. It's fucking freezing out there!"

I reach over and open his door and roll him out on the ground from the driver's seat. Never in my life have I been so glad that he 'doesn't do' seatbelts. He pushes himself off the icy road with his hands and grabs the door. "C'mon, Jane. I was just messin' around with you."

I've had fucking enough. He pulls this shit all the time and I'm tired of it. Maybe he'll finally learn his lesson this time. "Fuck off, Tommy," I say as I reach over and pull the door shut. He doesn't even put up a fight. He knows better than to mess with me when I'm in this kind of mood.

I glance back in the mirror to see him throw his hands up in the air as I start to drive back home. I know I should feel a little bit guilty, but there isn't an ounce of remorse in me. He deserves it.

….

Fifteen minutes later and I pull up to the house—substantially less pissed. It's been exactly two weeks since we found out about the baby and we decided we should at least tell Ma and my brothers. I still say we could've done it over the phone or something less nerve wracking, but Maura decided to invite everyone over and cook for them despite her exhaustion. _Only dessert,_ she said—I secretly know that it's because she's been craving tiramisu—but I know my family, it'll be much more than staying for dessert.

I drop the beer and some sort of chocolate stuff on the island and walk behind Maura at the stove. I wrap my arms around her waist and bury my face in the crook of her neck. "Mmm, you smell good."

She laughs and places her free hand on top of mine on her stomach and we start swaying back and forth as she stirs with her other hand. "Don't I usually?"

"Mmm, and humble, too," I whisper as I start kissing at her neck. I'm tempted to step this up a notch, but I stop at the sound of Ma clearing her voice.

I turn my head, without pulling away from Maura. "Ma..."

She scowls and walks further into the kitchen. "What? I thought Maura might need some help! All you're doing is distracting her." She pauses and looks around towards the living room. "Where's Tommy? I thought he was going to the store with you."

I pull away from Maura at that and lean back against the counter and cross my arms. My shoulders barely shrug and I manage to put on an unreadable expression. "He'll be here."

Ma puts her hands on her hips and tilts her head. "Jane…"

Maura turns to look at me, expectantly. Well, shit. Can't exactly say I beat him up and shoved him out of the car in February. Oh, in the worst part of town, too. Great. No way out of this one.

"He'll be here," is all I offer again, as I walk over and open one of the beers on the counter. It's never too soon to start drinking when it involves my family.

She goes to ask something else, but Maura walks between us to stand beside me. "Angela, will you stir that for me? I'm going to go change into something more appropriate."

"Of course, dear," Ma says, as I try not to laugh. I can't believe it took me this long to realize what Maura is wearing. A pair of my sweats that are dragging on the floor, one of my shirts that's about 98343 times too big for her, and no bra. Part of me is kind of glad I didn't bring Tommy back to see her like this. I think I might have killed him for ogling her.

Maura glares and grabs my arm, dragging me behind her up the stairs. Instead of going to change, she plops down on the side of the bed and lays back—legs dangling off the side. She's exhausted. I knew we should've just called everyone.

I walk over and look down at her. "Do you want me to go get your clothes?"

Pure terror washes over her face and I can't even help but laugh. "I'll make sure to grab a dress. You won't have to worry about not matching, alright?"

She grins and nods as she closes her eyes. Part of me just wants to let her go to sleep and not wake her up until everyone leaves. The other part knows better—she would kill me. I grab the first dress I see in her closet and walk back over to her. Instead of sitting up, she holds her arms straight in the air so I can pull her up. I swear her cuteness will kill me one day.

I gently pull her up and peel off her shirt. My eyes instantly zone in on her tits—who could blame me? Even if I could help it, I don't think I would. I barely brush my fingers across them, remembering how she almost cried yesterday when I touched them because they were so sore. My gaze stays on them longer than usual and she starts to nervously fidget.

They look…different. Not only are they bigger, the veins in her skin are more prominent and her nipples are darker. She finally crosses her arms across her chest and looks away from me. "It's perfectly normal for these changes to occur during the seventh week of pregnancy," she says in a voice so quiet it's almost a whisper.

Shit. Now I've hurt her feelings. I reach up and pull her arms back down to her sides and rub my thumbs across her wrists. "You're beautiful." She dryly laughs and looks down at the floor. I don't think I've ever seen her be so insecure of her body. She has never had a reason to. Hell, she doesn't now. She's perfect. Hopefully it's just the hormones speaking.

I put my fingers under her chin and guide her to look me in the eye. "I mean it, Maur. You look more beautiful every single day. I'm lucky to have you."

She smiles briefly before wrapping her arms around me—her full weight sagging against me. "I'm sorry for crying again. I'm just so…emotional right now."

"Don't be sorry," I say as I run one of my hands across her back and the other against the ends of her hair. "I'm here whenever you need to cry. We're in this together. Remember?"

She nods and buries her face further in my shirt. After a few more minutes, I finally hear a muffled "Jane?"

I don't even have to look at her face to see her pout, I can hear it in her voice. "Hmm?"

"Perhaps we should've just called everyone instead."

I laugh and push her back so I can look in her face. "So…I was right?"

Her pout gets 38392 times more prominent. "I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to. I know I am," I say—smug as can be—as I pull her up into a standing position and start helping her into her dress. Time to face the music.

…..

Half an hour later and Maura's done making her froufrou dessert. She didn't think anyone saw her run her finger around the edge and then lick it—she would've given me hell for doing that because of the raw egg—but I saw her. Can't wait to nag her about that later. I hear the doorbell ring and open it to find Frankie holding another case of beer. Typical.

I look around him for any sign of Tommy, but I see none. I expected him to take a cab, but even if he didn't, he definitely should be here by now. I step out of the way so Frankie can make his way to join Maura and Ma and then shut the door. Something is definitely off.

I try to call Tommy and it goes straight to voicemail. Shit. Maybe he left it at home or something. Maybe. I shake my head and walk over to the counter to start on another beer. I can only imagine how Ma is going to react to the news of her first grandchild—might as well start preparing myself now.

Maura sets the tiramisu down on the table and then walks over and kisses me. "Jane," she says as she pulls back, "Will you do me a favor and drink Chianti instead of beer this evening?"

I knit my eyebrows and set down my beer. "Why? You know I don't like that stuff."

"Because," she smiles and kisses me again, "I can't have any, but I really miss the way it tastes."

I will drink 900 bottles of Chianti if that means I get to make out with her for the rest of the night. "Right," I say with an exaggerated nod. "Chianti it is."

As she turns to go open a bottle of it, my phone starts ringing. Hoping it's Tommy, I pick it up.

Nope. It's a weird number. I really hope there's not a fucking murder. Maura really, really wants that dessert.

Annoyed, I answer it. "Rizzoli."

"_Jane, this is Ted Erins."_

Why the hell is a uniform calling me right now? "Oh, hey…Ted."

"_Yeah, hey. I just wanted to let you know I just called for a bus to take Tommy to Mass Gen."_

My heart instantly drops to my stomach. "Is he, uh…is he alright?"

"_He's in pretty rough shape right now…He should probably be okay, though."_

I'm gripping the counter so tight, my knuckles are white. Ma, Frankie, and Maura are staring at me, wanting to know what's going on. Fuck. This is all my fault. "Alright, thanks for letting me know."

"_Sure thing. Make sure to tell him he's a lucky bastard that I found him when I did."_

"I will," is the only thing I can get out before I hang up and try not to hyperventilate. I can't believe I fucking threw him out of my car and now he's in the hospital. Ma will never forgive me. What the hell have I done?

Concerned, Maura walks over and starts rubbing her hand against my back. "Jane, what is it? What's wrong?"

I feel like I'm about to puke everywhere. I feel so fucking guilty. I glance up and my eyes lock with Ma's. "It's Tommy. He's in the hospital."

…


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: you guys are perfect. That is all. Oh, and this is the 8 week mark for the babe in case you were confused about that. And to the anon who didn't want Tommy to stay with Jane and Maura—I **_**almost **_**went there because that would've been fantastic. I like the way you think! **

**Italian is courtesy of Google translate. If it's wrong…don't even tell me. Just go with it. xx**

…**.**

It's been a week since Tommy got out of the hospital. A week of catering to his every need because I believed I was the reason he got stabbed. A week of me wallowing in guilt and not being able to take care of Maura the way I should. A week of fucking lies.

Not until this early this morning when I went to check on him did he accidentally let it slip that he got stabbed trying to buy some weed from a kid on the street. He didn't get hurt because I kicked him out of the car. He got stabbed because he went out of his way to try and score some cheap pot. I'll be fucking damned. I am more than pissed right now.

I slam the front door and fall on the couch—arms shielding my eyes from the overhead light. A few seconds later—probably because you could hear how hard I shut the door from fucking China—Maura comes and sits on the edge of the table across from me.

I make no move to acknowledge her, so she tentatively reaches out and peels one of my arms from my face. "Jane?"

I clench my jaw and avert my eyes to her. "What?"

She flinches and draws her arms back. Yeah, okay. Maybe my voice was a little harsh. I take a deep breath and reach out and squeeze her knee. "Sorry. I'm just pissed."

She offers a weak smile and tilts her head. "I don't know if that's better or worse than the self-loathing attitude you've had all week. Would you like to tell me what's wrong?"

I slowly nod my head and sit up. "Yeah. But first," I reach out and feel at a strand of her unbrushed, slightly greasy hair. "Do you want to take a bath with me?"

She smiles. "Yes. I haven't had the chance with the many bouts of morning sickness I had earlier," she says, not even blushing like she did the first two times. For someone so open about everything, it really surprised me when she tried to lock me out of the bathroom the first time she got sick a few days ago. But now, she even lets me hold her hair back. A curse and a blessing.

I stand up and kiss her forehead. "Go run the water. I'll be upstairs in a minute," I say as I turn to walk to the kitchen.

"Okay." I hear the smile in her voice. No, no, no.

I call out to her as she's halfway up the stairs, "No bubbles, Maura. You know I hate the bubbles."

…

I walk into the bathroom a few minutes later and set a cup down on the floor by the tub. I chance a look inside and surprisingly, there are no bubbles. I feel Maura come up behind me and start pulling off my shirt.

"Don't be surprised, Jane. I know exactly why you dislike the bubbles. It's honestly the reason why I only prefer them when bathing alone."

I laugh. I didn't think I was so transparent, but obviously I am. I can't help that I hate how they block my view of her body under the water. It's frustrating. I turn in her arms and she starts unbuttoning my pants. "However, I did add lavender bath salts. It's been proven to help relax and calm the—"

I cut her off by kissing her. I don't need to hear the study to know how much thought she put into this. She makes sure that even the most mundane things perfect. I pull back and smile. "Thank you. You're amazing."

She blushes—it amazes me that she still does even after all this time—and walks us to the edge of the tub with a smile that stands out against the paleness of her face. Getting sick every morning must be fucking awful. I climb in first and settle against the back. The coolness of the porcelain always feels weird against my scars, but Maura always makes up for it by sitting in between my legs and leaning back against me.

My head is leaned back against the wall with my eyes closed. I know I can't look at her like this without wanting to jump her. Especially since we haven't in a couple of days. Well, more like twelve—I may have been keeping count. It's fucking horrible. But I guess I can wait it out since I know how exhausted she's been. Even if it sucks.

We sit there, soaking in the warm water with our hands laced together for a few minutes before I finally speak up. "I'm sorry for being an ass lately."

I feel her take a deep breath and lean her head back on my shoulder. "With the way I've been behaving lately, your actions were justified."

My eyes pop open and I gently start rubbing her arm. "No, Maura. It had nothing to do with you, it had to do with To—let's just wash your hair, okay?"

No sense in getting into this conversation now. The water would definitely get cold before I had time to explain everything. She turns her face and looks up at me. "How do you suppose we do that? We are _both_ in the tub, Jane. There isn't enough room to maneuver..."

She trails off as I reach down to the floor and grab the cup. It's flimsy, plastic—not something she'd ever be seen drinking out of. I may or may not have hidden it in the cabinet when I moved in. It's my favorite, after all.

She eyes me, warily. "Why do we need that? Is this some sort of sexua—"

"—Yes, Maura. I plan to defile you with a cup." What I wouldn't give to get inside her mind for 2 seconds. The things she thinks about astound me sometimes. I pull her to lean back against my chest and fill it with water. "It's to rinse your hair with."

"Oh," she says as she leans farther back against me and closes her eyes.

I put one hand up on her forehead to block the water and use the other to pour it on her hair. It slides down across my shoulder, between us, and back into the tub. She grins as it trickles through her hair. I make sure it's completely wet before I start massaging her favorite shampoo onto her scalp.

She hums in approval as I run my fingers through her hair, making sure to spend extra time in the places that make her break out in goosebumps. She brings her legs up and opens them to where the outside of her knees are pressed against each side of the tub. I force myself to only focus on her hair. I won't be able to contain myself if I look down.

I get done and rinse her hair the same way as I did in the beginning . I look down at her body as the foamy water trails down her chest. Fatal mistake.

On the fruit scale of tits, hers are fucking melons right now. Fuck. I barely contain a moan as I finish washing out the shampoo. I drop my hands down to her arms and she presses back harder against me.

"Your fingers are exquisite."

I laugh and finally peel my eyes away from her chest. "So I've heard…"

She pinches my thigh and laughs, too. I'm honestly surprised she understood what I meant. "Don't tempt a pregnant woman, Jane. I tend to be much more possessive these days."

Isn't that the fucking truth. Poor Susie practically runs away whenever she sees me go downstairs. Won't even return Frankie's calls. No telling what Maura said to her. I don't even want to know. She moves her hand to scratch at her stomach and I look down again.

It's my undoing. It's been way too fucking long.

I slowly run my fingers across her slick skin until I'm at her chest. She tenses ever so slightly, so I ease up to where my hands are barely ghosting across her. She takes a deep breath and relaxes again, so I decide to get a little bit braver. I rub my thumbs against the tips of her nipples and only then do I realize it was probably a bad idea.

Water splashes against the side of the tub from where she kicks one of her legs out straight and her upper body shoots away from me until she's sitting straight up. She takes a few quick, shallow breaths and eases herself back against me. "I can't decide if the pleasure that caused was enough to outweigh the pain."

I smile and slowly creep my hands back up her stomach. "Oh, that's not good. We surely need to reach a definitive conclusion," my hands get to the underside of her tits, "don't we, Doctor Isles?"

She quickly places her hands on mine before they can roam any higher. "No, Jane. I don't think I can handle that again right now."

Her eyes start to water so I drop my hands to her stomach and lean my head down against hers. "No, don't cry. I understand, okay?"

She sniffs a few times and nods her head. Now I feel bad for trying to push her. Shit. I turn and kiss her cheek and then lean us both forward. "C'mon. We're getting pruney."

"Did you know," she says as we start to stand, "pruning is the result of dead keratin cells in the stratum corneum absorbing water?"

I look down at my fingers and back up at her. "Ew."

She laughs and hands me a towel. "On the contrary. It's actually a goo—oh."

She sniffs at the air and opens the bathroom door. Less than a second later, she's running towards the toilet. Oh shit. Not again.

I walk over and gather her wet hair and hold it away from her face. She doesn't hardly eat, I have no fucking idea where all this is coming from. I go to ask her what's wrong, but then I smell it, too.

Bacon.

Shit. That can only mean one thing.

Ma's here.

…..

After shoving towels under the door to block out a little of the smell, I finally coax Maura out of the bathroom long enough to try and get dressed. Thanks to my stunt earlier, she refuses to put on a bra. So instead, she just pouts on the bed in one of my shirts and her underwear.

"I can't go down there, Jane! I'll get sick again," she says as her bottom lip rolls out just a tiny bit.

There's no way in fuck I'm going down there alone. I know exactly why she's here and I will not be put through that while Maura sits up here hugging the porcelain throne. That's not fair to either one of us.

I sit down next to her and she flops to where her head is in my lap. I rub one hand across her side and take a deep breath. "Okay. Do you think you could maybe, y'know…go down there long enough to help me kick her out?"

Her forehead wrinkles and her mouth dips down to a frown. That's a no. Shit. "Okay…what if I go open all the doors and windows to get out the smell and call for you when I'm done? Will that work?"

She knows I wouldn't be trying so hard with her feeling like this unless I absolutely needed her to, so she gives half a shrug and sits up. "Just make sure to shut the door on your way out."

I kiss her as I stand up. She always comes through for me. "That's my girl."

I take a deep breath as I go to walk out. Ma pretended to find out about the baby when she caught me rubbing Maura's stomach in the hospital after we heard about Tommy—she actually knew all along. I guess we weren't being very inconspicuous by ignoring her calls for almost two weeks after we got the blood test results. Oops. Payback's a bitch, though. Never should've given her that damn key.

The door clicks shut and I bound down the stairs two at a time. I need Maura down here as fast as possible. Ma turns to ask me something, but I run to the front door and windows and open them all before darting to the other side of the house and doing the same with the back door and windows. Ma watches in confusion as I open the kitchen window and then yell out for Maura.

I pick the skillet up off the stove and then shove it in the oven—hoping it will confine the smell. "Ma, Maura can't handle that kind of stuff right now. She can barely eat crackers and ginger ale without puking everywhere."

"I do not puke everywhere," Maura says as he walks up to the island, looking a little greener than when I left her.

Ma throws her hand up to her heart and walks over to pull Maura into a hug. "Oh, dear, I'm so sorry. I just thought I'd make you something decent to eat since Jane isn't very good at cooking anything edible."

Maura squirms out of the embrace—trying to mask her pain—as Ma goes to squeeze just a little too tight. "That's very nice of you, Angela. I'm just incapable of holding down a wide variety of things these days," she says with a weak smile.

Ma laughs and pats her cheeks. "Oh, I remember those days. Janie here gave me the worst bout of con—"

"—No," I say as I throw a hand up, "Do _not_ finish that sentence. I know exactly where this is going." And it's nowhere anyone should ever have to go.

I guess Ma finally remembers I'm standing here because she turns and shoots me a glare fit for the devil. "And you," she sternly points a finger at me, "Tommy mi ha detto finalmente quello che è successo questa mattina, Jane. La tua carne e sangue! Poteva sono stati uccisi!" [Tommy finally told me what happened this morning, Jane. Your own flesh and blood! He could have been killed!]

Fucking Tommy. Of course he'd tell her what happened right after I found out about the drugs. He had to make sure she heard his side first. I drop my head and rub my fingers against my forehead. I knew it. "Maura can speak Italian, ya know. No sense in trying to hide behind it."

Stunned, she turns to look at Maura and then quickly turns back to me. "I know you're hardheaded sometimes, Jane, but kicking him out because he wanted to help with the nursery? That's inexcusable. I raised you better than that."

"What the hell," I say, throwing my arms up. "That's not what fucking happened."

He's going to wish he died from that stab wound by the time I'm done with him. Maura's looking at me wide-eyed with confusion, Ma has her arms crossed over her chest looking pissed as fuck, and here I am getting accused of something I totally didn't do. Okay, I did kick him out, but he totally deserved it.

"Tommy didn't offer to help with the nursery! He was talking about trying to get in Mau—"

The loud buzzing of my phone against the countertop cuts me off. It's probably a good thing.

I glare at her as I walk over and pick up my phone.

It's Frost. Thank fucking God. I hope someone died just to get me out of this.

But as soon as he tells me what's happened, I instantly take it back.

Maura turns to get dressed as I hang up the phone, but I grab her arm. "Uh, we don't need you for this. Just following up on some leads."

Her face scrunches up and she looks off, thinking. "But you don't have any open cases right now, do you?"

Shit. Lying to her is so hard. I can't remember the last time I blatantly lied to her. This is going to bite me in the ass. I drop her arm and grab my keys. "It's for a cold case we've been looking at." I kiss her and then rub her cheek as I tell her I love her. I hope she remembers that when she decides she wants to kill me later.

…

I walk up to the building and to meet Frost standing at the door. He looks anxious. But mostly sick. He looks around for someone he knows isn't coming. "You sure she's gonna be okay with this? I mean, I know it's bad, but she is the Chief—"

I open the door and shrug. I _know_ she isn't going to be okay with calling her in sick on my way over here. But I just don't think she can handle this. Frost deserves something amazing for holding up the big man's call to Maura so that I could make sure another M.E would be here. He's a better friend than what I give him credit for.

We walk past teary-eyed assistants on our way to the back. As soon as we get to the bodies, I swear my heart fucking stops. Tears spring to my eyes and I'm pretty sure the same goes for Frost. This is fucking bad.

Four children are laid out in random spots on the mat in the preschool floor. Tiny little children who look like they're sleeping. How anyone can fucking do something like this, I'll never know. I turn away from them as a tear rolls down my cheek. No way would Maura have been able to handle this with her emotions going haywire all the time if I can't even keep it together.

Frost pats me on the back and nods to the door. "If you wanna go outside, I'll wait here until they're done."

For someone who gets sick at the sight of blood, that's a big fucking deal. A great friend, like I said. I clench my jaw and turn back around. These kids and their families deserve justice. I can't just duck out to go cry now.

"No, I'll stay. I want to make sure we get the bastard that did this."

…..

I knock on Maura's office door. Nothing. I guess she knows it's me. Shit. This is bad. I slowly open it and walk inside. She's sitting at her desk, so I slowly make my way over and lean against the edge next to her. She still hasn't looked up or acknowledged that I'm here. This is a new level of pissed for Maura. Scared is an understatement right now.

"Maura…"

Nothing. She just keeps writing something down in the file. Damnit.

"Maura, c'mon. You're still doing the autopsies! I just…the scene was horrible. I didn't think you could handle it."

That gets her to look up. Except her face is the picture of disappointment, anger, and hurt. I kind of wish she'd look back down. She stands up and thanks to her heels, she's eye level with me. "Who are you to know what I can and can't handle?" I say nothing and she crosses her arms and glares. "Do you honestly think seeing those children in the morgue is any better than seeing them at a crime scene?"

I honestly didn't expect her to call off the temporary M.E. so she could do the autopsies herself. Joke's on me. My eyes drop to the ground. "No, I don't. I didn't want you to have to see them at all."

"There are a lot of things I wish you didn't have to see, but I don't keep you from doing your job," she drops back down into her chair. "So do _not_ tell me how to do mine."

"That's not what I was trying to do! I was trying to protect you, Maura."

She says nothing and starts writing in her file again. Shit. I knew she would be mad, but not 'ignore Jane' mad. She never does this. We _always _talk things out. I don't even know how to get out of this one, so I just stay leaned against the desk, letting the tension settle down heavily around us.

Just as I'm about to give up and leave, she speaks up. "First, your jealousy overrides Tommy's desire to help and then this? I'm not sure what you're trying to prove, but—"

"—No, no, no. I'm not trying to _prove_ anything," I take a deep breath and grip at the edge of her desk. "Tommy didn't offer to help us. I swear I had a good reason to kick him out of my car."

"Mmhmm," she says, and rolls her eyes disbelievingly. I'm never leaving her alone with Ma again. I have a feeling she has a little something to do with this.

"Believe it or not, I did. And he didn't get hurt because of me, he got hurt trying to buy weed," I say, arms flailing. I need her to understand that I'm not some jealous, possessive freak right now.

Her head snaps up and she looks at me, trying to decide if I'm lying or not. "Are you," she clears her throat, "Why didn't you tell your mother that? She's quite upset with you."

I shrug. "Yeah, well…it's better for her to be mad at me than to find out about that. That would just hurt her. She'd feel like it was her fault for not raising him better, ya know? I don't want that."

Finally Maura's eyes start to soften like she's not so entirely pissed at me. I lean down and kiss the top of her head—not going to chance getting rejected if I go for her mouth. "I'll see you tonight, alright? I love you. I'm sorry… for earlier."

She gives the smallest smiles and sets down her pen. "Protectiveness is in your nature, Jane. I understand why you did what you did. It doesn't mean I agree with it…but I do understand it."

That wasn't a 'I forgive everything you did, Jane' but it was close enough. I turn and start to walk out. As soon as I get to the door, she calls out to me. "I love you, too."

We'll get through this. We always do.

…..

It's after nine when I finally get home from tracking down the preschool assistant who had a schizophrenic meltdown. Maura's already lying in bed—awake—by the time I get upstairs, so I strip down to my tanktop and underwear and climb in behind her. I scoot in to where my front is pressed against her back and sweep the hair out of the way. She mumbles something I can't quite understand, so I start kissing her neck as I wrap my arm around her stomach. Maybe it's all in my mind, but I _swear _I'm starting to feel a tiny bump already.

I think I'm _finally _going to get the chance to forget about all the shit that went down today because we have fucking great make up sex, but no. She reaches her arm behind her and starts smacking and pushing me away.

"Don't, Jane. I'm tired. Go to sleep," she mumbles out, even though I _know_ she's wide awake.

Of course. I knew she would still be pissed at me. Can't really blame her though. Without saying anything, I scoot away from her and lay on my side of the bed. It's weird. We never sleep like this. Fucking great.

I close my eyes and start counting backwards from 100. I'm only at 83 when I feel the bed dip and Maura roll over to face me.

"What are you doing?"

I open one eye and look at her. "What's it look like? I'm trying to go to sleep."

She pouts and moves to where she's curled up against me. "I don't like it when you try to punish me by disturbing our sleeping behaviors.

Both of my eyes open at that. I pull my head back far enough so I can look down at her face. "Punish you? I was trying to let you sleep in peace! I thought you were still pissed at me."

What the hell. She definitely just smacked at me and told me to go to sleep like 3 minutes ago. She's clearly losing her mind.

She frowns and her eyes scan my face. "I _am _still upset, but you know I can't sleep when we are on opposite sides of the bed, Jane. How was that going to help fix things between us?"

Disbelievingly, I roll my eyes. "You just—I'm not going to win this one, am I?"

She pulls in closer against my chest and slips one of her legs between mine. I can feel her shake her head against me. "No. So just let me be angry and hold me so we can wake up and work things out in the morning."

Ah, the pattern of Pregnant Maura, folks. She wins every fucking time and we both know it. No sense in fighting it now. I wrap my arm around her and pull her in close, enjoying how even on the worst days, we are still incapable of being too angry to do this. I feel her breathing against my chest even out and smile.

I don't need anything else to get my mind off this horrible day. I have Maura and a little grape sized baby. That's enough for me.

…..


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Yay for reviews. I hope you're all still liking it! Here's a bit of fluff. Yay!**

**No offence to the freckled people. I am a slightly freckled person myself in the summer. Well, when I get off my computer and go outside. **

…**.**

It's ten weeks and Maura is slightly panicking.

Okay, no she's not. _I'm_ panicking. I made her schedule an ultrasound today so we could see its heartbeat. And see if there's more than one hanging out in there. She spouted off some fact about how multiples are 787343 times more likely with IVF and _then_ reminded me of the six eggs they planted in there. I cannot handle six babies. Fingers crossed for just one. Two, _max._

I give Maura a quick kiss and drop the box beside her on the couch before sitting down next to her. "I grabbed you some of these on the way back from checking on some leads. Extra cream and chocolate, just how you like 'em."

She opens the box and glares at me. "I can't eat these!"

The smile instantly falls from my face and I look down at them. They look perfectly fine to me. "Why not?"

She abruptly stands up and puts her hands on her hips. "Do you think I'm fat?"

Oh, god. This is a test. Abort, abort, abort. I definitely don't think she's fat, she's only gained seven pounds, tops. And that's only because she's been craving sweets like no other. But she still looks great. Better than great. But I can already tell she won't believe that answer. Shit, I'm trapped.

"No, Maura, I don't think you're fat. I think you're pregnant."

Well, that didn't help. Her eyes water and she falls back down to the couch and crosses her arms across her chest. "You're deflecting." She went from offended Maura to pouty Maura in .3 seconds flat. A new record.

I put my fingers under her chin and guide her face up to look at me. "And you're assuming. I don't think you're fat, Maur. You're pregnant and it looks good on you. I swear you get more beautiful every single day." I move my hand and point back at the cannolis in the box. "So why won't you eat these? You had three of them yesterday and it looked like you really liked them," I say, making sure to use my most understanding voice. There's something more going on than a refusal to eat fucking cannolis going on here.

Her cheeks turn pink and she looks back down at the floor. "I'm having to wear my least favorite skirt today."

Oh, that definitely clears things up. "Oh-kay…did you forget to go to the dry cleaners or something? I can go pick it up on our way home."

That gets her to look up at me. Oh, and glare again. "No. I had to wear this skirt because none of my other skirts would fit correctly!" Her eyes water again and she starts picking at the hem of the offending garment. "My bras have even gotten too tight. It's quite distressing," she adds, fighting the lump in her throat.

I try not to laugh, I really fucking do. But I can't even help it. Only Maura would go ape shit over not being able to fit in a skirt. She's hurt that I'm not taking her seriously and laughing, so I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her to lean against me. "Maura, it's not a big deal, okay? We have tomorrow off, so why don't we just go shopping?"

She eyes me, warily. "You'll go shopping _with _me? Not just sit on the nearest bench and wait on me to leave the store?"

"Yeah, I promise. I'll even go in that store where they tried to spray me with the stuff that smelled like cat pee."

She smiles and sticks her finger in some of the cannoli filling. "Amethyst." She licks it off her finger and her eyes light up. I knew getting them was the right choice.

I lean over and kiss her—tasting the cream on her lips—before she picks one of them up and takes a bite.

"Will we be able to pick up a few more of these on our way home? They're delicious."

…..

The whole drive over and the whole time we waited in the waiting room, I clung to Maura's hand like it was my lifeline. What if there are six babies in there? I could not handle that shit. I know it's a slim possibility, but it could happen. Oh god.

She gets changed into a gown and climbs up on the chair/ bed thing. I'm not even going to ask her what it's called. I'm too nervous for her googlemouth. My foot starts tapping impatiently against the floor and she reaches over and grabs my hand. "Jane, calm down. The likelihood of something—"

Her words of encouragement are cut off by the doctor opening the door. Before she says anything, she turns around and starts talking to a nurse. I haven't been able to come to the 3 prenatal visits she's had—all it was for was to give her vitamins and blood work, I didn't miss much— because of being out in the field, so I was totally unprepared for this. This poor woman is covered in freckles. Absolutely covered. I've never seen anything like it in my entire life.

I lean down to Maura's ear. "Looks like someone backed up to a screen and shit," I whisper.

Appalled, her mouth drops open and she smacks my arm. "Jane, don't say that! Not only do I have freckles, our child could have them, too."

I scoff. "Yeah, since I have _so _many freckles," I exaggeratedly draw a circle around my face. That is _my_ egg inside of her.

She raises her eyebrow, pointedly. "You do remember the donor you insisted we use, correct?"

Shit. Light hair, light eyes, fair skin…high chance of freckles. I can't help that maybe, just maybe, those traits will shine through and the baby will look like both of us. Doubtful, but it's what I was hoping for.

She takes my silence as acquiescence—totally is—and turns back to the door as the doctor walks completely inside.

"Maura, it's great to see you again," she chirps as she sits between Maura's legs in the stirrups. She's very…chipper to say the least. She turns and looks at me. "And you must be Jane," she extends her arm, "it's wonderful to finally meet you!"

I glance at her hand and then to Maura. I'm still not very keen on people touching my hands, but I guess it would probably be best since this is the woman who's going to birth our kid. I grab her hand and quickly shake. "Likewise, Dr," I glance down at her nametag. I knew I'd never remember her name. "Dr. Bell."

"No, no. Just call me Amy!" Dear god, I have never heard someone be so happy in my entire life.

Maura looks up and quirks an eyebrow with a smirk. She knows I forgot the doctor's name, too. Great. Amy pulls on a pair of gloves and then picks up the white stick looking thing. If we weren't in a doctor's office, I don't think it'd be _that_ bad.

Amy laughs as she starts squirting gel on it. "Not as fun as you'd think," she moves Maura's gown out of the way and then places her other hand on her stomach. "You ready? It's going to be a little cold."

Maura nods and squeezes my hand as Amy does God knows what down there between her legs. I'm just so fucking glad this isn't happening to me. Once she gets it in place, she turns on the machine and a fast wooshing sound is the only other sound in the room besides our breathing.

I place my forearm on the bedchair thing and lean down closer to Maura. "Is that…is that the heartbeat?"

Maura nods as her eyes start to water and Amy hums her consent. It only takes a few more moments until the screen is showing exactly what I wanted to see.

There's one.

One little jelly-bean shaped baby. I can't tell much more than a little head and tiny limbs, but it's absolutely beautiful. Breathtaking. It's like it hit me for the very first time that there is a living little thing in there. It's amazing.

Maura and Amy start talking about appropriate heart rate levels or something, but all I can focus on is the screen. Its little arms and legs are moving just the tiniest little bit and I'm captivated. Maura squeezes my hand and I drop my forehead down on her shoulder as a tear works its way out.

This is real. This is really happening. Just…speechless. I look back up as Amy starts measuring things on the screen and taking pictures of it. Maura has the biggest smile on her face—paired with watery eyes—and I know I look exactly the same.

She pulls me down and kisses the side of my head. "I really have to pee," she whispers in my ear.

I laugh and roll my eyes. "We're looking at our baby for the first time and _that's _what you have to say?"

"There are no words with enough depth to convey what I'm feeling right now, Jane. This is…surreal," she smiles and turns back to the screen. "I'm elated."

My heart feels like it clenches. Knowing she feels the same way that I am makes me even happier, if that's possible. Maura squeezes my hand as Amy does some readjusting so we can see the baby from different angles and she can take more pictures.

"You can't tell what it is yet, can you," I ask Maura specifically.

She shakes her head. "No, it's much too soon for that."

"Good. I don't want you doing your super genius thing and figuring it out before I can see it too, alright?"

She laughs and Amy finally starts to pull out the white stick of horrificness. "No, Jane. I wouldn't do that to you."

I forget we aren't alone and bite at her ear. "You better not or I'll have to—"

Amy cuts me off by clearing her throat. Whoops. Maura turns a little pink as she takes the ultrasound pictures. My eyes start watering all over again as I put one hand on her stomach and the other traces the outline of our baby on the paper. I can't believe this is really happening.

…..

Ugh. Maura insisted on driving to Ma's first thing after we left the doctor's office. I would have much rather went home and watched one of those boring documentaries or something with her. Ma is going to lose her shit.

"Please, Maura. Let's go home and show her tomorrow," I beg one last time as we stand on the porch, huddled close together. It's fucking cold out here for it to be the beginning of March.

Maura reaches for the door knob. "You know if we don't show her now, she will just come over to our house later, correct?"

Shit. She has me there. Then Ma would never leave. I nod and place my hand on her back to guide her inside. "Yeah, you're right. I like the way you think."

She goes to say something that's probably sassy, but stops dead in her tracks as we step in the living room. I look away from her and nearly do the same thing.

Tommy.

What the fuck. He definitely should _not _be here. I ended up telling Maura everything he said and now she clearly feels awkward around him. Hell, I would too.

Actually, I'm still fucking pissed at him. Ma didn't even start talking to me like she normally does until a few days ago. He's lucky I didn't rat his ass out.

We stand there staring at each other like a bunch of freaks for a few seconds until Ma finally jumps up from the couch and pulls me and Maura into a hug.

"Did you bring me pictures? I can't tell you how excited I am to see my first grandbaby!"

I roll my eyes as she practically jumps up and down and then dig through Maura's purse. Finally, I find them and hand them to Ma.

She looks at them for all of two seconds before gasping and looking back up with a smile. "It already looks so much like my Janie! It's beautiful."

I roll my eyes, again. I'm glad she's so happy, but really?

"Ma, it looks like a peanut. You can't possibly tell who it looks like."

Maura looks from Ma to me, sharply. "Jane, our baby does_ not_ look like a peanut."

It definitely does. But I know better than to push it with them right now. "Right, sorry. Not a peanut."

Tommy finally pipes up and laughs as he awkwardly shuffles over to us. He ducks his head and holds out a box to Maura. "I uh, I saw this and you know…I thought you might like it."

She nervously glances at me and takes it from him. "Thank you, Tommy. I'm sure it's lovely."

Ma raises her eyebrow. "You aren't going to open it?"

Oh, shit. She uncomfortably shifts in her heels, waiting on me to help her, but there's absolutely nothing I can do. She hands me her purse and then starts unwrapping it. She pulls the lid off the box inside and it takes all the self control I have to keep a straight face.

Inside is a necklace—made out of what almost looks like chain links—and a pendant the size of a fucking lime with the words 'Due in September' on it. I mean, it's pretty amazing that he remembered the month, but this is fucking Maura. There's no way in hell she'd ever wear something like that.

Eyes wide, she looks at me and then back down as she picks it up from the box. "Um…thank you again, Tommy. This is very…unique."

Taking it as a compliment, he throws a smirk at me before anyone else can catch it. "Aw, you know I'd do anything for you guys."

Fucking bastard. He's playing up the 'innocent good brother' to Ma. I should tell her what _really _happened. Too bad he knows I won't because it'd kill her soul.

Ma smiles at him and then to us. "Isn't that the sweetest thing?"

Sweet, my ass. I clench my jaw and glower at him as he takes the necklace from Maura's hands.

"Here, let me," he says as he steps behind her and slowly sweeps the hair away from the back of her neck. Maura squeezes my hand—clearly uncomfortable—as he takes all the fucking time in the world putting it on her. I swear to God I'm about to kill him.

"Tommy, if you don't—"

"—Jane!"

"Ma," I halfway yell and whine at the same time. I throw my arm towards him as he feigns innocence and steps back from Maura. "Are you that blind?"

Ma takes a step towards me and throws her hands up in a true Italian fashion. "Are you that jealous, Jane?" Oh, no. She better not be going where I think she is. She points her finger at me and her voice gets all high and scratchy like it does before a huge rant, "First, you almost get your brother _killed _because you can't even stand the thought of him being arou—"

"Tommy got stabbed because he was _trying _to buy weed, Ma! Not because I'm jealous!"

Shit. I instantly slap my hand over my mouth and Maura takes in a sharp breath. Ma takes a step back and looks between me and Tommy. He visibly pales and glares at me.

"Tommy," her voice almost a whisper, "is that true?"

Her nervously scratches at his neck and looks down at the floor. "I, uhm…it's not—"

Now she takes a step towards him and pokes her finger at his chest. "All this time, you let me believe it was your sister's fault?"

Again, he can't get anything out but incoherent babbles.

"You manipulated me and she _still _protected you? You stood there and tried…"

I grab Maura's arm and start backing towards the door.

"Jane, we really shouldn't leave things like this. Won't your mother be worried?"

I shake my head and fumble for the door knob behind us. "No, she's got plenty to deal with right now."

If only I could've kept my fucking mouth shut. Not only did Tommy manipulate her, he lied and turned her against me. She's never going to forgive herself for that. On top of thinking she was a failure at raising him. I hurt her and that's exactly what I _didn't _want to do. This might have caused a rift in our family that I may never be able to fix.

…

Maura finally gets done changing and lays with her back to my front on the couch. She pulls a blanket over us as I flip from the baseball game to a show she recorded about blood borne pathogens or something. Hell if I know.

I wrap my arm around her to pull her closer and bury my face in her hair. She smells so good and feels so warm, that I swear I could just get lost in her and forget about everything else that's going on right now. I work my hand under her shirt and she gasps as my cold fingers run across her stomach. She puts her hand on top of mine and I kiss the top of her head.

"I love you," I barely whisper, very aware that those are the first words uttered between us since we bolted from Ma's house.

"I love you, too." She carefully flips over to where she's facing me and pushes close so she doesn't fall off the couch. "I'm sorry I'm the cause of so much strife in yo—"

"No," I run my thumb across her lips, "don't ever think that. This is Tommy's fault, not yours. Okay?"

She nods and then buries her face underneath my chin. Her body begins to slightly shake.

"Maura?"

"Hor…mones," she manages to get out through weak sobs. At least I can tell this isn't the kind of cry that'll last very long.

I wait for a few minutes and gently push her back so I can wipe the tears from her face. "Better?"

She smiles and lightly chuckles. "Much. I'm such a mess these days."

"Yeah, you really are," I say with a smile so she doesn't take it the wrong way. One crying spell is enough for right now.

She pinches my side. "Jane, you aren't supposed to agree!"

"Well," I kiss her nose, "I'm not supposed to lie, either, am I?"

We start laughing but the sound of her stomach growling cuts us off. "Are you hungry? We didn't stop to get you any of those cannolis on the way back, but I can go get you some," I say as I start to prop myself up to go get anything she wants. Nobody's going to be able to say I didn't take care of her.

"No," she says as she puts her arm on me and pushes me back down to face her. "Not right now."

"Are you sure? Your stomach _did_ just beg us for food."

"Yes, I'm sure," she smiles mischievously. "Right now, I would like to give you an orgasm. It's been nearly a month since we've partaken in any sexual activities and I'm almost positive you haven't taken things in your own hands…so to speak."

Well. That was totally unexpected and blunt. I feel my face start to heat up. "Maura, we aren't going to talk about whether or not I…take care...of my needs. Just, no."

Her hand works its way between us to the top of my sweat pants. She leans in so close to my face, I can feel her warm breath across my lips. "I don't plan on talking, Jane."

Her mouth collides with mine as her hand pushes inside my underwear. I spread my legs as best as I can in this position to give her room and her fingers instantly zone in on my clit and instantly start circling it. Even if she had tried to take her time, it'd still be over quick since it's been so long and she knows it.

She brushes directly across it and gasps as I accidently bite her lip. Before I can apologize, her tongue has worked its way into my mouth and she's swirling, circling it in exactly all the right ways. I'm so wet that the noises her fingers make are almost embarrassing, but only serve to turn me on even more.

She starts rubbing my clit faster and faster until my leg starts to shake. I can't even believe how fucking close I am already. I wrap my hand in her hair and pull her closer to me and kiss her frantically, desperately. I start gasping for breath against her mouth, but I don't dare try to pull away. It's like I'm breathing her in, feeling her all over me, around me.

I feel the tingling start building in my limbs and I clutch at her hair, but she pulls back and looks me in the eye. "Let me watch you," her eyes pulling me in, willing me to hold her gaze. "Look at me while you come, Jane."

My breathing starts getting harder and faster and my hips start trying to find a rhythm against her fingers. I'm so fucking close. She does something that feels fucking amazing and my eyelids threaten to drop in elation, but her fingers almost instantly slow down.

"I told you to look at me," she says, voice demanding and more raspy than usual.

My eyes instantly snap open and she rubs faster, more frenzied than before. It's about all I can take. My arm wraps tighter around her waist to keep from potentially knocking her off the couch when I come. I start panting and clench my jaw, preparing for the inevitable.

"Give it to me," she says as she flicks across my clit again.

That mixed with her command is my undoing. I force myself to keep my eyes open as I finally come, knowing that she can see everything I am in that one moment. My hand clenches the shirt on her back and my legs start to shake as she carefully brings me down.

My legs finally clamp all the way shut when I can't take any more and she slowly drags her hand up, wiping the wetness off against me. Satisfied that I did what she wanted me to do, I finally close my eyes and press my forehead against hers and I will myself to catch my breath.

"I'll do you…in a minute…promise."

She gently laughs and kisses me. "No, I'm still not feeling up to it yet."

Disbelievingly, I peek open one eye but say nothing.

She slowly starts running her hand through my hair. "Really. I just didn't want you to be deprived because I'm not in the mood for sex right now. I assure you these things get much better in the second trimester, though. You'll probably be begging me to stop."

Dear God. That's only two weeks away. I really don't think I'll be able to handle her. I pull her tighter against me and wrap one of my legs around hers. "Okay, then…Can I at least take a nap with you?"

I feel her smile more than see it. "As long as there will be food after, then yes."

I kiss her one last time before pulling back and shifting so she can rest her head against my shoulder to sleep. "Food after, it is."

….

….

Any thoughts? Lemme hear 'em! (:


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Yay for reviews! Love reading what you have to say. Hope this doesn't disappoint! It's mainly fluff. Again. It actually will be for a few more chapters until I can get where I want it to. /:**

**And this is going much slower than I had originally planned, so I can easily see this being 3092850540 chapters long. Just…be prepared. **

…**..**

Loud, shuffling footsteps across the hardwood floor pull me awake. Shit. Not again.

I squeeze my eyes shut and burrow closer into Maura's chest as I pull the comforter over our heads. She sleepily laughs and curls tighter around me. I know she has _got_ to be getting tired of this shit, too.

"Maaaaa," I call out, voice thick and raspy from sleep.

I hear the light switch flip and then the blanket is pulled completely off of us. I groan and shield my eyes from the light by pushing my face in between Maura's boobs—thank God we are both clothed this time—while she throws a pillow over her face and mumbles something incomprehensible. Morning people, we are not.

I hear Ma throw my clothes from yesterday that are scattered across the floor and walk to stand by the bed beside Maura.

"You girls better wake up or you'll be late for work!"

"One," I throw a finger up in her direction, refusing to move from my hiding spot. Maura's boobs are never a bad place to be. "The alarm hasn't gone off yet. And two," I wave two fingers at her and slowly peek up at the clock, "we don't even have to go in for three more hours! Jesus Christ, Ma."

"Well! I thought you might want something to eat before you left," she says, hands on her hips. Yes, it will definitely take three hours to eat. She infuriates me sometimes.

Maura finally flings the pillow off her face and weakly smiles up at her. "That's very considerate, Angela, but I would prefer to sleep just a little while longer this morning."

Ma's shoulders instantly slump. "Oh, I see. That's fine. I'll just," she turns and slowly starts walking to the door, "I'll just feed Jo and be out of your hair."

Well shit. Now we've hurt her feelings. "Oh, come on, Ma, don't be like that." She turns around and gives me her best puppy dog eyes. She knew I'd give in. Ugh. I roll over on my back and wave my hand at her. "We'll be down in a minute."

She smiles and practically bounces out of the room to go downstairs. I roll back on my side to face Maura. She's struggling to keep her eyes open and her hair is a mess, but somehow she still looks great. I quickly peck her lips and pull back. "I'm sorry. You can go back to sleep if you want. She'll understand."

"No,"she slowly shakes her head and stifles a yawn. "But you really do need to talk to her, Jane. I can't wake up this early again; I'm exhausted."

I know she has to be. It's like she's the only employee at a 24 hour baby-making factory. I know I couldn't do that shit. Especially with Ma waking up at the ass crack of dawn for the past six days. It's fucking hell. We can't do this anymore.

"Alright, I'll talk to her when we go down there." I start to wrap my arm around her waist but she almost instantly pulls back.

"Don't. I have to pee," she says with a pained expression on her face.

I can't even help but roll my eyes. "You got up at least three times during the night to pee, there can't possibly be anything left."

"It's the increased level of hCG in my system. It increases blood flow to the pelvic area and kidneys which causes an elevated—" I groan. You know it's going to be a long fucking day when Maura starts her google talk before six o'clock in the morning.

….

Maura finally manages to pull me out of bed after promising she will take a shower with me when we get done talking with Ma. I'm not sure that's a very great bargain, though. Seeing her naked is fucking great. Seeing her wet and naked and not being allowed to touch? Not so fucking great.

I slowly plod down the stairs in front of Maura—I had this weird dream that she fell down them, so now I make her walk behind me so I can block her if she trips—and walk to the table. We wordlessly slide into chairs beside each other as Ma sets a bowl down in front of each of us exactly like she has for the past six mornings.

Yogurt. _Plain _yogurt with dried fruit and granola chunks in it.

I mean, I understand that it's one of the only things Maura can eat in the mornings without puking her guts out, but really? It doesn't mean _I _should have to eat it. Looks like a candy bar from the vending machine at work is in store for me later.

I pick up a scoop with my spoon and then plop it back in the bowl with a thud. "Thanks, Ma. Looks _great_."

She picks up on my sarcasm and glares at me. "You're lucky you have someone to take care of you. Otherwise, you'd only eat junk and die at an early age like your grandfather."

I roll my eyes and start swirling my spoon in the yogurt. She could've at least gotten vanilla or something. "He died in a car wreck, Ma. Not because he refused to eat yogurt."

"At least Maura appreciates it," she says with a glance over at her. And sure enough, Maura's chowing down on it like it's the best fucking thing in the world. Figures. Maybe I can get her to eat mine, too.

"I do appreciate it, Angela. I've always wanted a mother like you," she says as she scrapes her spoon across the bottom to get every last bit, her voice slightly trembling.

Well shit. How can I tell her to back off now? Ma may be driving us_ both_ fucking nuts, but that doesn't mean I should try to kick her out every chance I can get. Maura really does need someone like Ma since her own mother is such a bitch.

Ma tears up and grabs both of our free hands from across the table. "I only want for my daughters to be happy."

Now Maura starts to tear up. Oh god. It's one of those days.

I squeeze Ma's hand and lean back in my chair. "Don't worry, Ma. We're happy," Maura tries to be sneaky and pull my bowl of yogurt towards her with her spoon. The bowl teeters and almost tips over and I can't help but laugh.

Ma goes to say something, but I hold up my finger. It's now or never. "We'd probably be a little happier if you didn't come by so early, though," I say while Maura nods, not looking up from the yogurt. I'm going to have to thank her for contributing so much to this conversation later. Ugh.

Abashedly, Ma drops her head and looks down at the table. "I just feel so badly about how I treated you after I found out about Tommy. He shouldn't have—"

"—Ma, don't. It's okay, alright?"

She shakes her head and wipes her eyes. "It's _not_ okay. I feel so ashamed of the way I acted. I turned my back on you—my _child, _when you had done nothing wrong. I just thought I could make it up to you by being here."

I knew that was what this was about. I should've seen it earlier. I start awkwardly picking at my nails, hoping Maura will speak up since I'm horrible at these kinds of things, but she just sits there looking at me expectantly—just like Ma. Well shit. Thanks again, Maura.

"Ma…it's okay, really. You're…you're optimistic and warm and loving and a whole bunch of other things I can't even begin to explain. So you make mistakes like the rest of us? Oh, well. That doesn't change the fact that I love you and look up to you more than you could ever imagine."

I guess I didn't do as shitty as I thought because Ma walks over to me—tears rolling down her face—and bends over and pulls me into a headlock type hug since I'm still sitting down. It's not very comfortable, but I don't dare try to move; she needs this so she knows we're okay.

Before I know it, she's has pulled Maura sideways from her chair to where the side of her head is smushed against my back. Ma always has been a sucker for group hugs.

I wait until it starts to get uncomfortable to breathe before I pull back out of her grasp. Ma kisses the tops of our heads and then grabs her purse off the table before turning back to us. "I love you both. I'm just really—"

"Yeah, yeah," I wave my hand at her. It's too early for all of this emotional stuff right now. "We get it, Ma."

She laughs and pinches my arm as she walks by. "Maybe you should go back to sleep. You're awfully grumpy in the mornings, Jane."

Well no shit. I wonder why? Before I can say some smart ass comment, Maura's up and speed-walking to the bathroom with her hand clamped over her mouth. Damn yogurt. I guess this means no sexy shower time is in store now for sure.

…..

We actually get called in an hour early and thanks to Ma waking us up, we're actually ready to go. On the way to the scene, I go to pull over for some coffee but Maura is all 'No caffeine for me, none for you' and refuses to let me stop even though I'd get decaf. Legitimately says she'll hold out sex for a year. And by the way she's been holding out lately, I fucking believe her.

Irritated as fuck from not getting my coffee, I slam the car door and walk to join Frost and Korsak at the body—helping Maura so her heels don't sink in the muddy spots. Even if I am irritated with her, I'm not mean enough to not help her. She's pregnant, after all.

She crouches down and starts poking and prodding at a cut on the girl's neck. Even as my wife I know she isn't going to make any guesses for me, so Frost and I start circling the yard looking for footprints or anything valuable. Thank god the melting snow left a lot of mud because Frost points to a boot print only a few minutes later. Hopefully it's our guy's and not one of the dumbass Uni's that always trample around the scene.

"That looks like a men's size ten or eleven, easily," he says as he points down to it.

I wave over the closest CSI to take pictures and start scanning the area for more. "Looks like he came from the—"

"—Jane!"

I immediately turn at the sound of Korsak's voice and jog back over to them. He's holding Maura up by the waist and her face is so incredibly pale that it's scary.

"What happened?" I walk over to her and wrap my arms around her so she can lean against me instead.

"She started to stand up and damn near fell over on the body. I barely had time to catch her," he says, eyeing her warily. Maura never makes mistakes, never messes up. It's really fucking weird that she almost took a nose dive and ruined evidence.

Frost walks up and starts laughing. "I didn't know dead bodies made the Doc sick, too! Damn. I can't believe you guys gave me shit for—"

"I do _not_ have an aversion to the dead, Barry." Her glare is so harsh the smile falls from his face and he straightens up. "I simply experienced vertigo due to the increased progesterone my body is producing. It relaxes the blood vessels to increase blood flow to the fetus while decreasing blood flow to the brain. Coupled with the typically lower blood-sugar levels during pregnancy, the dizziness is completely normal and expected."

Their mouths drop open and they look at each other and then at us and then back to each other before looking back at us again.

Frost points a finger at Maura. "So you're…"

"…having…," Korsak pipes up.

"…a—"

"—Jesus Christ. Yes, Maura is having a baby. Get your shit together. You're acting like idiots right now." I really don't see how this is such a big deal. They should've seen it coming.

Frost's mouth slowly curves up into a shit eating grin and he punches Korsak on the arm. "I told you Jane would knock someone up before we did. Hot damn! You owe me, what? 50 bucks?"

Now it's my turn to go into shock. They were betting on this? Can you even bet on something like that? What the hell. "Are you fucking serious right now?"

Frost breaks out into some little dance while Korsak gets out his wallet and starts counting money. It's like no one even remembers we're talking over a dead girl right now. I'm still in shock. Maura leans over to my ear. "Were they betting on whether or not you would—"

"—Yeah, Maur. They were."

Her eyebrows knit together and she finally pulls back from me a little bit to look up at my face. "They do know it's impossible for a woman to impreg—"

"Yes, Maura. I'm pretty sure they know that, too."

She slowly starts making her way to the car with me, leaving those two dumbasses to probably make bets on something else. She wraps her hand around mine and looks back over at me while we walk, clearly still confused.

"I don't understand, Jane. Were they implying that you are more of a male than they are or that you engage in sexual relations more frequently? Either way…" She trails off as I start laughing at her. She's so fucking literal sometimes. I walk to the passenger side and open the door for her. She slides into the seat and looks up at me. "I'm overthinking this, aren't I?"

"Yeah," I lean down and give her a quick kiss, "Thanks for telling 'em though. I didn't want to make some big deal out of it. Not that it _isn't _a big deal, I just know how they can be sometimes."

She looks off behind me to where Frost is literally dancing a circle around Korsak. "Yes, I see what you mean." She looks back up at me, slightly concerned. "You're not mad that I accidently told them? It wasn't my intention. It just…slipped out. I've never been accused of not being able to handle my job before. It was somewhat appalling, to say the least."

I want to kiss her again to reassure her that I'm 100 percent okay with her telling them, but I'm almost certain I would start making out with her right here and now. Especially with her tops of her boobs spilling out of her dress like that, clearly begging for my attention. That definitely wouldn't be appropriate behavior for a crime scene.

So I move a way ward piece of her hair back into place and smile. "No, I'm not mad. You can even tell other people if you want. It's been hell trying not to keep it to myself, anyway."

She obviously can tell how excited I am about not having to hide this anymore and smiles bigger than she has all day. "Really?"

"Really." I shut her door and walk to the driver side and get in. "Tonight after work," I look over at her as I crank the car, "We're going shopping again, though."

She slowly looks up at me and raises an eyebrow. She probably thinks hell has frozen over. "Why?"

I point at her boobs and she rolls her eyes. "No one but me should be able to see that much of them. I don't like people checking out my wife."

She starts laughing and grabs my arm as I start to drive away. "That's very noble, Jane, but I'm sure they'll still check me out."

I just roll my eyes and shake my head with a smile. "So humble, Doctor Isles. You clearly have body issues."

"Do I?" She mischievously grins and pulls the top of her dress down even lower.

Shit. I have no fucking idea how I'm going to make it through work today. Hell, I'm not even sure I'll be able to make it _to _work with her teasing the hell of me like that. I'm definitely going to have to get her to start wearing turtle necks or something; I just can't handle this at all.

…..

…..

Okay, hate this chapter. Especially the end. But, oh well. Had to be done! And next chapter will be somewhat of a…surprise I guess. Yay!


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: So the beginning of this is a little out of nowhere, but oh well. It's happening anyway lol\**

**I love reading your reviews! Thanks for taking the time to leave one. They make my day! (: and this is week 13, for all intents and purposes. **

…**..**

I wake up with my head pounding so hard I want to scream, but I'm pretty sure that'll only make it worse. My body is aching, my throat is burning like hell, and I'm butt ass naked on the bathroom floor. What the fuck.

I go to sit up, but I instantly regret it and fall face down against the cold tile floor again and groan. I reach up and clutch the side of my head as I hear Maura walk towards the bathroom and open the door. This is surely what hell feels like.

"Maurmaaa," I grumble out as she sits down on the floor beside me.

"Well, that's new. You've never called me _that_ before," she whispers in her amused voice, careful not to talk too loud. Thank fucking God. I think I'd die.

She slowly helps me sit up and pulls an extra huge shirt over my head and then pulls me back down to lay my head in her robe covered lap. At least she isn't mad. That's a plus, I think.

"What happened?"

Her fingers start working their way through my very tangled hair. "What's the last thing you remember?"

I try to think. I really fucking do. But there's almost nothing except everyone deciding to go out and celebrate our 'venture into parenthood' or some shit. "Um…walking into the Robber?"

"Wow," I can even hear the shock in her voice, "You blocked out a lot, then. Common side effect of too much alcohol consumption, though, so I shouldn't be that surprised."

I slowly sit up and prop myself against the vanity next to her. I know this has got to be a good story—in the kind of way that I'll want to die now but laugh about later— and I really want to see her face during all of it. "That bad?"

She laughs and slightly nods. "You could say that."

I drop my head in my hands to hopefully help with the incessant throb. And to hide how embarrassed I'm sure I'll be. "Alright. Start from the beginning."

"Well, you were completely fine until your fourth beer. Then you began to play a game of 'how many shots of tequila can we take in ten minutes' with Detective Frost."

I slowly raise my head and look at her. No fucking way. "That's not even a game! That's just—"

"—stupid. Yes, I tried to warn you," she says with the smuggest smile I've ever seen in my life. This can only get worse.

She laughs again and starts rubbing her hand up and down my back. "After six of those, you began to drink half a bottle of Merlot—although you called it Chianti—so that you could," she points her finger in the air, "and I quote, 'go home and dry hump the hell out of my wife while we make out on the couch'."

I don't even look up from my hands this time. I know Maura isn't fucking with me, she can't lie. This is fucking horrible. I groan and she squeezes my knee. "Don't worry. By the time you sang karaoke everyone had forgotten about that."

My head does pop up at that. No fucking way would I ever be caught singing in front of _anyone_, much less the people I work with. "I don't believe you. The Robber doesn't even have karaoke."

She arches an eyebrow and keeps smiling. "No, but Apotheke in Chinatown does."

"Chinatown? Why the hell did we go to Chinatown?" I am beyond confused. There's no way this is real.

"You wanted to fulfill my needs and you said I looked like I needed a little bit of Chinese in me."

I can't even help but laugh, incredulously. "No way."

She nods. "Yes way. Frost, however, took it literally and thought you were trying to get us a threesome with a Chinese man, though. So that's why we have an Asian bartender's cell phone number on the fridge."

"Jesus Christ…" I can feel the redness creeping up on my cheeks. This is mortifying. There's no way we would_ ever_ do that. Last night must've gotten out of hand real quick. "I'm scared to ask about anything else."

"As you should be." She's loving this right now. Ugh.

"Ha ha, real funny, Maur. You're hilarious," I say as I roll my eyes. That just makes my head hurt worse and I slump over on her shoulder. "How the hell did we even get back home?"

"You insisted on Frankie accompanying us in the cab on the way back. He gave you a pony back ride inside."

"Piggy back—wait, what? Frankie saw me like this?" Oh god, Ma is going to hear about this for sure. Shit, shit, shit.

"Yes, he even carried you upstairs to the bed."

"Well how the hell did I end up naked on our bathroom floor?" If Frankie saw me like this, I will legitimately die. Right now.

She tilts her head in that cute way she does while trying not to laugh. "Once we got home you decided that we should have sex."

My eyes get huge and my I blush all over again. "You mean we finally did it after all this time and I was too drunk to remember? Really?" This fucking sucks.

She finally does laugh and shakes her head. "No, we didn't. Well, you attempted to orally stimulate me—sloppily, might I add—for a few moments, but then you ran off to the bathroom and I couldn't coax you back into bed."

That sounds like the worst fucking night ever. I feel so bad for Maura right now. "Maura, I'm really sorry about all of that…You definitely shouldn't have had to babysit me. You should've just made me leave or left me to come home and rest. You need it."

She shakes her head and gently squeezes my arm. "This was probably the last chance you had to do something like this. I didn't want to take it away from you."

I twist and squirm until I can pull her against my chest. "Maura, don't ever think you're holding me back from anything. I would much rather watch that documentary about gay birds again than go out and act like a damn idiot, okay? You," I run one of my hands down to rest on the barely there bump of her stomach, "_both_ of you are more important to me than any of that."

I feel her nod against me and hear her whisper, "They were albatrosses." Of course she would correct that. I kiss the crown of her head. "Anyway, if I _ever_ do something that remotely stupid again—which I won't—I give you permission to leave and let me find my own damn way home."

She pulls back and looks me in the eye, her eyes shining bright. "I would never leave you. I want to be wherever you are. You make me feel safe."

I can't help but scoff. "Even when I'm drunk off my ass? Yeah, I'm sure you felt really safe there, Maur."

She reaches up and cups my face with her hands. This conversation has turned far more serious than when it started. "I'm serious, Jane. I have no doubts that you would've sobered up quite quickly if you thought I was in any harm." She leans in and kisses me quick, probably because I taste awful, and pulls back with a grin. "And besides, I wanted you to have fun last night so you will come with me tonight without your usual argument."

Oh god. I knew she had to have a motive behind letting me act like a fucking fool. "Oh-kayy…where are we going?"

She stands up and reaches for the glass of water next to the sink. "Dinner with my parents."

My eyes bulge out of my head and I almost lose my grip on the glass as she hands it to me. "Wait, what? Your parents? There's no fucking—"

The loud as fuck ringing of my phone on the floor cuts me off and instantly makes me grab my head. It's too fucking loud. Maura sees that I'm definitely not going to get it, so she bends down and answers it for me.

After a few seconds, she says we are on our way and hangs up as she reaches down to help me stand. "You need to shower before we go. You smell less than pleasant right now."

"So you're saying I stink," I say while trying to pretend to be pissed. Doesn't work. She's even cute when she's insulting me.

"I didn't say that," she pulls the shirt back off my head and pushes me to the shower, "Now get in. You'll feel better."

I start to pout and try to pull her with me. "Isn't there another way to make me feel better?"

She pushes back and starts walking back towards the bedroom. "We don't have time for that. And I certainly don't want to engage in something as disastrous as your attempt last night," she says over her shoulder with a wink.

Great. Self-confidence officially killed. I'll have to show her a thing or two later. Disastrous, my ass.

…..

Same location. Same cut on the neck. Different body. Exactly a week after the first. This can't be any fucking good.

I pull off the itchy blue gown as she finishes closing the girl up and lean back against an empty table.

"Do you think the same guy did this?"

She pulls off her gloves and looks up at me sympathetically. "Yes, it's quite possible based on the evidence." She walks over to her computer and starts going through different databases. "The blade of the knife is approximately 5 inches in length, .1875 inches thick, and the incision corroborates perfectly," she pulls up a picture, "with this."

It's a military issued ASEK knife. My mouth drops open and I look back at her. "You're sure?" It's Maura, of course she's sure. But I still had to ask.

She nods and starts pulling her hair out of the ponytail. "Yes, I'm certain."

I bring my hand up and pinch at the bridge of my nose. We're basically looking for any person who's been in the Army since 2003 and there's absolutely nothing else to go on but that. This is fucking shit. "And nothing came back on the last girl's tox screen?" She simply shakes her head. Damnit. It'll be another three days before we get this girl's back. I hate waiting. Waiting is the worst fucking part.

Without realizing it, my hands still on her shoulders and I stand there thinking about all the ways this could go wrong, all the ways we could miss who did this. But, Maura does that weird thing where I swear she can read my mind and turns to face me. Her hands come up to my face and she makes me look her in the eye. "Jane, don't worry. I have complete confidence that you will catch whoever did this, okay?"

I manage to let out a weak laugh and pull her a little closer to me. "That sounds like an assumption to me, Doctor Isles. And one should never assume, remember?"

She smiles and lightly pinches my arm. "That was not an assumption. Statistically speaking, you have a higher percentage of solved cases than most of the detectives in this jurisdiction. I have no doubt in your abilities," she winks and leans up on her toes to kiss me, "and that means a lot coming from me, you know."

God, this woman. She can be socially awkward 90 percent of the time, but she _always _knows exactly what to say to make me feel a little better. It astounds me. I just want to go home and let her know just how much I appreciate her and the way she makes me feel every single day.

But instead, I lace our fingers together and start walking out of the morgue. We have a dinner to get to.

…

She finally gets done with her hair and steps out of the bathroom. I stare, shamelessly. Her knee-length dress is the exact same color as the red shirt under my suit and hugs her every curve. She's started to show just a little bit lately, but you can't even tell in this dress— if you could, that's the_ only_ way she could possibly look any better. I may or may not have a thing for knowing she's carrying our kid. Like I said, pregnant looks good on her.

She smiles and bashfully looks down and then back up to my gaze. "How do I look," she says as she turns a complete circle.

Holy shit. The back dips down so low that you can see the dimples in her lower back. I don't even fucking know how I'm going to keep my hands off of her all night. She waits for an answer, but I can honestly say I'm speechless. I swallow so loud that I know she heard it and then start playing with a piece of my hair. I guess the sexual frustration bit she gave me forever ago _was_ true.

"Oh, wow," I finally sputter out before clearing my throat, "Maura. You look…amazing."

She smiles, dimples full on display, and walks over to me before wrapping her hand around my bicep. "I can't say you look so bad yourself, Detective," she says, her voice full of sex. Oh shit. This is going to be a very, very long night.

I wrap her arm around her waist as we walk down the stairs—I'm _still_ scared she's going to lose her footing in those shoes one day—and help her into the car. It takes all I fucking have not to just drag her back inside and have sex with her for a few days straight. God, it's really been too fucking long.

I pull at the collar of my suit, so turned on that I feel like it's choking me, and start driving Maura's car to the fancy ass restaurant. I doubt the valet or her parents would really like for me to pull up in my cruiser or anything that will 'ruin their image.' Bastards.

We're a little more than half way when I realize that she's gripping my hand so tight it's numb and she hasn't said a single word. Maura's never quiet. This is bad. "Hey," I quickly glance at her before looking back at the road, "What's wrong?"

"Noth—" I glare at her and she lets out a deep breath. "I'm nervous."

Hell, I'm nervous, too. But it's not like they're going to go ape shit on us at a restaurant, right? I pull my hand out of her vice grip and rub her thigh to calm her down. "It'll be fine, Maur. They wouldn't have invited you if they didn't want to see you."

"Well," she points out the window to where I'm supposed to turn, "they don't exactly know we are joining them."

My heart literally drops and I accidently run over a curb. I really hope I didn't fucking hear her correctly. I quickly throw the car in park as the valet starts to walk over and turn to her. "You mean they don't know we're coming," I say in a mock whisper. This is bad. So so bad.

Her eyes get wide and she turns a little red. Before she can say anything, the valet opens the door and we climb out—against my better judgment. It's not until I get over to her that she decides to start explaining herself.

"My parents have been coming to this restaurant to celebrate their anniversary ever since I can remember," she takes a quick glance at me and then looks back down at the ground as we walk. "They haven't spoken to me in over a year, Jane. I felt like meeting them here would be the only way to get them to talk to us without causing a scene. I would really like to tell them about the baby, even if they _do_ hate me." She stops before I can open the door and _really _looks at me for the first time since we left the house. Her eyes are slightly watering and her cheeks are tinted pink from a blush I can only assume is embarrassment. She takes a step back and her shoulders drop. "I'm sorry," she whispers, her voice slightly trembling.

Damnit. I don't want her to cry. If she needs to talk to them—albeit in a really sneaky way—then, I'm going to march my ass in there with her and not say a damn thing about it. This is more about her than me right now. I can't let my hatred for them get in the way. Even though I do fucking hate them.

I wrap my arms around her and pull her as tight as I can against me. "They don't hate you, Maura. They could never _hate _you. And you have nothing to be sorry for. I'm glad to do this with you, I never want you to have to go through something like this alone, okay? I'm here now," I pull her back to look down at her face, "and I'll always be here to pick up the pieces."

She gives a watery smile and squeezes my hand, her own way of saying thanks. She takes a deep breath and turns to face the door. "Ready?"

No. But for her, I'd do anything. I guess this just goes along with that. I nod more to convince myself than her and then open the door for her. "Absolutely."

….

…..

**Next chapter may just be dinner w her parents and the after effect. Tell me what you think and would like to see. Thanks!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: yay for reviews! Loved 'em (; I hope this chapter is okay, I know a few may not like it, but have some trust in meh. **

**I'm just so ready to pop this baby out, you don't even understand. But we have a while for that. ); );**

…

I feel the muscles in her lower back ripple underneath my hand as we walk towards the table. It's definitely the only thing keeping me grounded right now. Otherwise, I swear I'd take Maura and fucking run. There's no way this can end well for us.

Constance looks up and I catch her gaze as we turn the corner. Her eyes briefly widen before she sets her jaw and glares. My fingers dig deeper into Maura's back as she slightly slows down. I guess she saw the daggers of death shooting out of her mother's eyes, too. This is going to be so fucking bad.

Luckily, I can see there are already two extra chairs at the table, but one is beside her mother and the other is beside her father. Shit. We have to split up. I'd take the lesser of two evils, but there's really not one when it comes to those two. Maura puts on her best faux confidence and walks up to the table. "Hello Mother, Father."

They look at each other before looking back at us without saying anything. It's awkward and the tension is so thick it feels like it's settling all around on me and closing in. Maura doesn't falter now, though. She moves to sit down beside her father which leaves me by Constance. I can't tell if that's a good thing since I won't have to look at her as she insults me or bad because she might stab me under the table with a knife. Shit.

We all sit there awkwardly looking at each other or down at the table until finally Constance clears her throat. "So, Maura darling… what brings you—"

"—I'm pregnant," Maura blurts out in one quick breath.

Well. Subtlety was never her strong suit. I look down and start nervously rubbing at the back of my neck while her parents sit there looking like floundering fish. This wasn't how I expected this to go down at all. Wow.

Her father is the first to regain his composure and looks between us. "Well, Maura, is it yours?"

She knits her eyebrows together and glances at me out of the corner of her eye. "Of course it's ours."

I shake my head. I already know that's not the answer he wanted. "That's not what he meant, Maur. He wanted to know if it was _yours."_

Constance nods her head at Maura with a fake as hell smile. "We do have friends that are in relationships such as yours, dear. We know how these things work. So tell me," she folds her napkin and places it in her lap, "Biologically speaking, is it yours or is it not, Maura?"

She glances at me, her face turning red, and then starts scratching at the front of her neck. I can already tell she's thinking about lying and that serves absolutely no purpose since she'll definitely be caught. Shit. I reach my arm across the table and place it on top of hers. "It's ours. "

Constance scoffs and picks up her glass. "That's doesn't answer my question, _Detective_."

Well at least she finally decided to acknowledge I'm sitting right next to her. Maura's lip trembles in that way it does when she gets pissed and is about to lose all of her composure. It's slight—not many would pick up on it. But I've been on the receiving end of that way too many times to not notice it. I'd really rather not have to be escorted out of here tonight. That wouldn't exactly look very good for the police department.

I give her hand a gentle squeeze and turn to Constance with the best 'don't fuck with me' face I can muster. "Well, that's the only answer you're going to get. It doesn't matter whose it is biologically, because it's_ ours_ and makes it _your _grandchild. You need to accept that."

Her father crosses his arms and leans back in his chair and Constance waves her hand in the air at me. "No, Detective, I think not. The only way that is _my_ grandchild is if it's Maura's. Your child would have absolutely no relation to me whatsoever. _That_ is what you need to accept_._"

Fuck. Maura's about to lose it. She clenches her jaw and pulls both of her hands into her lap. Her gaze is so icy that even I'm scared to look directly at her. This is going to be so bad.

She sucks in a deep breath. "_Biologically_, I'm not your child either. Does that make me any less of a daughter to you?"

Not expecting that turn of events, Constance slightly chokes on her water before looking back at Maura. "Of course it doesn't, darling. That's different."

Maura scoffs and narrows her eyes. "Logically, it's no different, _Mother._"

Constance looks over to her husband—can't believe I still don't know his name—eyes begging for help. He sits back up and places his hand on Maura's arm. "It's different because you…you are not the child of a murderer!"

Great. Back to the Garrett thing. I'm pretty sure _he _would've been the murderer, but oh fucking well. They wouldn't listen to that story, anyway. Maura pulls her arm out of his grasp and imperceptibly shakes her head. "You don't know who my biological parents are. They could very well be murderers or worse. Jane was only doing what she does best: protecting me," her voice starts to tremble and she stands up, tears in her eyes. "Don't ever confuse her with being a murderer. She's the_ only _person who has ever really been there for me. Perhaps…perhaps you could learn a thing or two about that," she snaps out, before turning and quickly walking away.

Well, at least I have the keys so I know she isn't going to leave me stranded here. I turn back around from her retreating form to see her parents staring at me, red faced and pissed as hell. I have no idea why they are mad at _me, _they should be pretty pissed at themselves for how they just treated Maura. Hell, how they've always treated her.

I point my finger at them to say something, but decide against it and slam my hand against the table as I stand up. I'll give them a piece of my mind one day, that's for goddamn sure, but not in the middle of a fancy ass restaurant. There's no point in causing a scene here and ruining everyone else's time. They'll get theirs though. I can promise that.

I pretty much jog my way through the maze of tables—only running into a waiter once—and out the door. Maura's sitting on the top step, just staring at the ground. I expected her to be crying or yelling or _something. _But no. She's just silently brewing something up.

I sit down next to her and run my hand down her back to pull her out of her trance. She almost immediately jerks and turns to me. Her eyes instantly water and she falls into my side. "I'm...sorry," she whispers, her voice breaking. Then it's a full on Pregnant Maura cry on the front steps of a restaurant. I knew her silence wouldn't last very long.

I awkwardly smile at a couple that's making their way past us to go inside and then wrap my arm tighter around her. I'm so fucking pissed at her parents for making her feel this way. I don't even know what to say to make this better.

I pull her back and start wiping at the smudges of makeup around her eyes. I wait until her breathing calms down a little bit and then pull her hands into mine and start rubbing my thumbs across her knuckles. "You know…they say you always hurt the ones you love the most. I have no doubt that's why they're acting like this, Maur. They love you and they only want what they think best for you, okay? It's not because they hate you. No one could hate you."

She shakes her head and looks back down at the ground. "You don't have to make excuses for them, Jane."

Shit. She saw right through that bullshit. There isn't a single damn thing I can say to fix this, so I do what I do best. Change the subject. I take a deep breath and stand up, offering my hand down to her. "Well…I said I'd pick up the pieces, so let's go home so you can eat that gallon of ice cream you tried to hide from me in the freezer," I wink at her and pull her up to her feet.

"It's only a pint!" She wipes her eyes and squares her shoulders. "And I wasn't trying to hide it from you, I was just…ensuring its safety."

I laugh and start walking down the steps, lacing our fingers together. "Right. Well it's 'safety' is ensured from me. There's no way in hell I'd eat something called 'Schweddy Balls' regardless of how good you say it is."

She leans into me as we walk and laughs. It's barely there, but it's much better than crying. "I admit, the name _is _quite off-putting." I hand the valet our ticket and she looks up at me. "Thank you," she says with a slight nod.

I smile down at her."For not eating your ice cream?"

She smiles, _really_ smiles, and shakes her head. "No. Thank you for knowing exactly what to say. It might not always be very eloquent," she playfully arches her brow, "but, it's always the right thing."

I pull her against me, one hand on her back and the other in her hair. "I love you. That's what I'm supposed to do."

I feel her hot breath against my chest as she sighs contentedly. "I love you back. Now," she pulls back and quickly kisses me before turning to the car, "take me home. I _really_ want that ice cream."

….

I wake up and automatically roll to Maura's side and feel for her. All I get is a handful of cold sheet. Well shit. After eating her pint of ice cream and watching Jersey Shore—all three episodes were ethnographic research, of course—she decided she was ready to go to bed. And not so casually threatened me with my life if I dared wake her up early. But, looks like she did that all by herself.

I slowly roll out of bed and walk down to the kitchen to make coffee. I'm only halfway through trying to work this damn machine when I hear Maura come inside.

"Jane," she yells from the foyer, "come outside, I have something to show you. I'll help you make coffee when we're done."

I grumpily march to her. It's way too early to be yelling around here. Even though it is eleven already. She pulls my face down to kiss me and then drags me out the door.

Holy shit.

Sitting in the driveway is a Range Rover. A solid black Range Rover with chrome rims. Jesus Christ. She normally goes Amazon crazy when she's upset, but it's never been anything bigger than an elliptical or something. This is fucking nuts.

My mouth slightly drops open as I walk over to it and see the black leather seats inside. She dropped big money on this. "Maura...how much did you pay for this?"

She walks up next to me and puts her hand on my back. "Only one hundred fort—"

"—Nope," I throw my hand up in the air, "Just stop right there. I don't want to know anymore."

Her mouth slightly dips into a frown. "You don't like it?"

"No, I do. It's just…why did you buy it?"

She opens up the door so I can see inside better. There are even fucking DVD players on the backs of the seats. Holy shit.

"Today is the beginning of the thirteenth week. It marks the end of my first trimester."

My eyebrows shoot up and I turn to look at her. "You couldn't have, I don't know, bought like a donut or something?"

She narrows her eyes and shuts the door. "No. It made me realize how soon we will have our child. And with a child, comes a carseat. A carseat can't possibly fit in a two-passenger Lexus or a police cruiser, can it?"

Well. She has me there. At least I know her shopping spree isn't because of the disastrous night we had last night, which is good. "I guess not." I turn and look back at the car. "This just seems awfully big for you, Maur."

She tilts her head and furrows her brow. "I didn't buy this for me, Jane. I got this for you to drive."

What? I try to read her face to see if she's joking around, but of course she isn't. "Me? You went out and bought this just for me to drive?"

She looks around the driveway and then back at me. "Of course we will both be driving it like we both drive the Lexus, but I had you in mind when I picked it out," she looks back at the car and I swear it looks like she's about to start humping it, "it just looks very…Janeish, don't you think?"

I start laughing and turn to go back inside. Leave it to Maura to buy a car that costs more than what I make in a few years just because it reminds her of me. Maybe Frost will stop doing a horrible impersonation of me singing karaoke when he sees me pull up in this piece of badassery. Britney Spears be damned.

…

…

**Okay. The next chapter will skip ahead a bit, hope that's okay. Love your reviews! I try to respond to them when I have time (:**

**Oh, and schweddy balls in an actual ice cream flavor. Yeah, that's what I said. **


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews! And yes, I do know of the snl skit. I just had no idea about the ice cream haha I hope this chapter is okay. Week 14. How soon can they have this baby? **

…**..**

I hear Maura shut the front door and take off her shoes.

"She was pregnant, too, Jane," she calls out, distress evident in her voice.

Shit. 3 weeks, 4 bodies. All except the first have been pregnant and each is further along than the last. Besides that and the weapon, there are absolutely no leads. We are in deep shit.

I've been trying to keep a close eye on Maura lately because I mean, she's pregnant, too. I'm obviously freaking out a little. But apparently I'm smothering her. She even left to go to the lab earlier just to get away from me. I can't help I want to keep her safe.

I absentmindedly flick through the channels from the couch. "Are you sure you don't want a police det…"

I trail off as she walks in front of me. In nothing but a pair of lace underwear. Thinking about protecting her can wait. We're _finally _about to fucking have sex. My mouth instantly goes dry and eyes roam over her body like it's the first time I've ever seen her. She still takes my breath away after all this time.

I reach out, letting my fingers barely graze her stomach. She smirks as chill bumps slowly form up to her chest and then abruptly turns and starts walking upstairs to the bedroom. I stay glued to my spot, watching her ass all the way until she gets to the top. She looks down over her shoulder at me and pulls off her underwear as does that tight-lipped grin that's sexy as hell. "Don't make me wait, Jane."

Well, that does it. I yank off my shirt as I take the stairs two at a time. I'm working on unbuttoning my pants as I walk through the door, but stop dead in my tracks as I see what she's holding out.

I look down at it and then back up at her. "Can't we, uh…not use that?"

She shoves it into my hands. "Put it on." I raise my eyebrow and she tilts her head with a smile. "Please?"

I look down at it again and shake my head. It's easily one of the biggest ones we have. I don't like this. Not one bit. There's a baby in there for fuck's sake. "Can we at least use a smaller one or something?"

She narrows her eyes. "Jane."

It's the 'don't fuck with me' Jane. You'd think I'd be happy since we are finally about to do it, but shit. I don't want to hurt her or anything. "Mauraaa," I whine.

"That's decidedly unsexy," she says as she perches on the side of the bed. "We can always just go to sleep, I suppose."

Goddamn it. There's no way I'm going to pass this up and she knows it. "Fine," I huff out as I finish undressing.

She laughs this cute as hell victorious laugh and crawls up so that she's lying completely on the bed. I roll my eyes as I adjust the harness straps and then crawl up between her legs to where I'm hovering above her. Her breath ghosts across my face and her tits rub across my chest; it's all I can do to not fucking lose it right now. I lean down and kiss her once before pulling back and looking into her eyes. "You'll tell me if I hurt you?"

She quickly nods before pulling my lips back down against her. Her mouth opens up as she moans and I tentatively sneak my tongue inside. Her hands claw at my chest and her hips buck up against me, silently begging for me to get things started. Without breaking away from her mouth, my hand moves down between her legs. She jerks as my fingers stroke up and down her, trying to figure out if she's wet enough for this yet.

She definitely is. I move down and start kissing and biting at her neck so I can hear every noise she makes as I slowly guide the tip up and down her, making sure it's ready for her. I wait until she wraps her legs around me before I barely push no more than an inch into her. She sharply gasps and I almost pull back, but she tightens her grip around me.

"No, keep going," she pants out.

I drop down to my forearms and push my hands under her back and around her shoulders for more leverage. I push just a little further in and she hisses out again. I drop my forehead down on her shoulder and take a deep breath. I can't do this. I'm too fucking scared of hurting her.

I gently thrust all of two inches in and out of her as slow as I can until she lets out a frustrated groan. "Jane, if we are going to accomplish anything tonight, I'm going to need you to give me a little more than this."

I shake my head against her. "I can't. There's…there's a baby in there! I don't want to do something wrong or—"

She cuts me off by using more strength than I give her credit for and flipping us over to where she's straddling me on her knees. She looks down at me—her eyes the dark green they get whenever she's horny as fuck—and brings the tip right to her entrance. She cries out as she slowly pushes her way down to the hilt, taking it all inside of her. I feel the desire coil through me as I watch her adjust to it by gradually thrusting herself up and down.

I reach out to grab at her thighs to help guide her, but she smacks my hands away. "If you won't fuck me, Jane, I'll do it myself."

Shocked and definitely way more than turned on, I grip at the sheet by my sides instead of trying to touch her again. This is definitely about to get interesting. She pushes her hands down on my stomach for leverage, nails digging in as she starts to speed up.

She pulls up almost to the top before slamming down to the base and grinding it down against me. I try to thrust up into her so it's easier for her, but her nails dig further into my skin as she pushes me down firmly against the bed.

"Don't…I'm doing…this," she manages to moan out as she drives herself down onto me even faster—the base pushing down against my clit.

I can see the trail of wetness she leaves on it shine in the dim lighting of the room and that only serves to make me want to fuck her even more. I bite my lip to stifle a moan as she starts frantically picking up the pace. She's never used me _only_ for her pleasure, but holy shit it's so fucking sexy.

She brings one of her hands between her legs and starts rubbing against her clit as continues to ride me. Her eyes are closed and her hand is dropped forward, sweat-slick hair sticking to her forehead. The hand on my stomach slides up and starts pinching at one of my nipples as she tries to keep up her pace.

"Jane, I'm…I'm about to…" she cuts herself off with a whimper as she starts to slow down, unable to keep up the tempo she had set.

I quickly reach out to her waist and start thrusting back up into her as I resume the hard and fast movements she had before—her tits bouncing and her breath coming in quick gasps. It doesn't take long until her body briefly goes stiff and she cries out before falling down flush against me. I manage to slowly grind up into her until her body starts to jerk back.

Her chest is heaving against mine and her warm, damp breath flicks against my ear. It only takes a few seconds until she kisses my neck right under my jaw. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean…"

She trails off as she sits back up and pushes back down with a slight wince until I'm fully inside her again. "Use me, Jane. Take what you need from me, too."

I clench my jaw as I think about it. I know if I start this, I won't be able to keep it calm and collected. But after what she just did, I doubt I'll hurt either one of them. She grinds down against me one more time before I flip us over and start thrusting into her again.

I start pushing into her harder to get the right pressure against my clit again. Her legs wrap around my waist and her fingers dig in between the ridges of my scars on my back. It hurts, but it's a welcomed pain. It reminds me just how far I've come.

Her body shakes and rocks with every movement I make and I try to slow down so she can get off again with me, but I'm so fucking close that I speed up even more. She takes in a deep breath and wraps her legs tighter around me. "Give it to me, Jane," she whispers as I start to feel it building up inside me. So fucking close.

Her arms pull me down firmly against her and she whispers, "Come for me," in that sexy voice that I just can't get enough of and it's my undoing. I bite down into her shoulder to muffle any sounds as I ride it out. I go until my body stops shaking and then slowly start to slip out of her. She whimpers when I pull all the way out so I can pull off the harness and toss it to the floor. For once, she doesn't complain about the hygienic whatevers. She just leans up to meet me and pulls me back down against her, our bodies both slick with sweat and my face pushed into the crook of her neck. I stay like this for all of .24 seconds before I get scared about laying on her stomach and roll over to my side, pulling her front flush against mine.

Her arm wraps around my waist and her fingers start to trace around the dips and ridges that mar my back. I used to hate it. It used to make me feel so fucking vulnerable. But now…now it just makes me feel like I'm sharing everything about me with her. It makes me feel like I'm at home. There's no other place I'd rather be than right here with her.

I lean down and kiss the top of her head and then start playing with her hair as her legs tangle up in mine. My fingers lightly dance down her temple and she lets out a contented sigh. That should be all the answer I need, but I still have to ask.

"Are you, uh…okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Her breathy laugh fills the room and she scoots in closer to me. "No. Quite the opposite, actually."

I smile even though I know she can't see it. "Good." I manage to pull the comforter around us without moving too much and then pull a pillow under my head. "I love you."

I feel her cheeks move against me. Definitely smiling. "I know."

Rolling my eyes, I poke at the ticklish spot on her side until she laughingly shrieks and smacks my hands away. "Okay, okay! I love you, Jane." She pokes at one of my ribs. "Now go to sleep. We have an early day tomorrow."

Shit. I groan and pull the comforter up and over our heads and bury down into it as far as I can. There's no way in fuck I'm getting out of this bed before eight. Who the fuck goes to yoga before work anyway?

…..

Well guess who went to fucking yoga at six in the fucking morning? Fuck that. I grab a cup of coffee at the café—successfully avoiding Ma and her 897896 suggestions on baby names—and go up to the bullpen. I sit down at my desk to see another picture of me with Britney Spears. Frost and his fucking photoshop. I'm never going to live this down.

I wad it up and throw it across the room at him. It bounces off the top of his head and he starts to laugh as he looks up. "Hit me, baby—"

"—don't—"

"—one more time," he sings out in this gay ass voice that does _not _sound like me.

I try as hard as I can not to smile, but I feel the corners of my mouth turn up despite myself. He's such a little bitch sometimes. "Frost, get back—"

I get cut off by Maura's ringtone. I just saw her less than ten minutes ago. Weird.

"Hey, Maur. What—"

"—_Jane, I need you to come downstairs," _she says, pain evident in her voice.

"What happened? Are you okay?" My heart is pounding as I jump up from my chair and run out of the bullpen.

"_I'm…I'll see you in a moment." _Before I can say anything else, she hangs up. Shit. She didn't tell me she's okay. I knew I should've gotten a police detail for her. Fuck.

I take the last flight of stairs two at a time before running into the morgue. No Maura in sight. I turn and run to her office. Shit, shit, shit.

I open the door to see her sitting on the floor, face slightly contorted in pain. Kneeling beside her, I frantically start running my hand across her stomach. "What hurts? Is it the baby? Do you need me t—"

"—Jane," she grabs my arm and I look back at her face. "The baby is fine."

My heart starts to finally slow down and I let out a sigh of relief. "Okay, so…why are you sitting on the floor?"

She blushes and looks down at her feet. "I slipped."

My eyes follow hers and I finally see that one of her shoes is kicked off and her ankle is swollen and already turning purple. Ouch. I knew those shoes were trouble. "Your ankle is fucking huge, Maura."

She nods and her eyes start watering. "It's a common musculoskeletal injury in which the ligaments of the ankle become either moderately or severely torn."

I roll my eyes and gently graze her ankle with my fingers. It's the size of a fucking baseball. "So, you sprained your ankle?"

She sucks in a breath as my fingers run over the most swollen part. "That's what I said."

Oh, of course it is. Only with about 789798 extra words thrown in. "Right. Do you want me to get you to the couch?"

She weakly nods and I can't even help but laugh. I love her and I'm always more than glad to help her, but I'll take any chance I can get to get a rise out of her. "You're seriously less than two feet away from it. You couldn't have scooted or something?"

Appalled, her eyes widen and her mouth drops open. "I do not scoot, Jane. Especially in vintage Dior. It would've ruined my dress."

"That sounds like a guess, Doctor Isles," I say as I lift her up from the floor and lay her down on the couch. Honestly, I don't see how this thing is any more comfortable.

"It was not! The fibers in this material are much too delicate to hold up against the friction it would've needed to endure," she says, completely serious.

I can't even hide my smile any more. Her neurotic ways are one of the many reasons I love her so much. She tries to keep her face straight as her head falls back against the pillow and she nudges me with her good foot. "Do you enjoy mocking me?"

"Sometimes," I say with a sideways grin.

She halfheartedly glares and closes her eyes again. I pick her legs up and rest them across my lap. The small swell of her stomach moves with every breath she takes. I'm so glad that this wasn't something worse than just a sprained ankle. "Maybe you should give up the heels for a little while, Maur."

She throws her forearm over her eyes and takes a deep breath. "What would you like me to wear instead, Jane? Muumuus and flats?"

I can't even help but laugh. She's gotten a lot better at joking around. "Yeah, well," I pinch at her toes and she finally stops trying to fight her smile, "I heard designer Muumuus were all the rage these days."

She moves her arm from her face and she slowly gets more solemn. "You shouldn't worry about me all the time, Jane. This has never happened before and preferably won't happen again. They're new shoes and I just wasn't accustomed to the lack of traction."

"Damn lack of traction," I mumble out with a hoarse voice. I honestly can't believe I'm about to breakdown and cry. At work—on a couch as hard as plywood—over a shoe accident, no less. I sniff and run my hand up her leg and rest it on her stomach. I can't imagine life without Maura _or _this baby and it hasn't even made its appearance yet.

"I just…" I don't even know what else to say to convey what I'm feeling. A tear rolls down my cheek and she places her hand on top of mine and laces our fingers together.

"I know," she whispers. And she does. She doesn't even have to guess to understand what I'm feeling. She feels it, too.

…

….

Yay. Okay. So… boy or girl? You have approximately 2 (?) more chapters to cast your vote, so get on it you guys. Love you and your reviews! (:


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Yay for votes!**

**I wasn't sure if I wanted to go this direction, but I did and it's…different. **

**And yay for reviews! More than forty for the last chapter! I love what you're saying and I hope I don't disappoint. Week 16 for reference. **

**xx**

…**..**

I storm into Maura's office and plop down on the couch. I put my elbows on my knees and rub my face. Fuck this fucking day. "We're getting a new detective."

Maura looks up from her computer towards me. "Yes, I heard."

I drop my head in my hands, the tears of frustration burning in my eyes. Fuck.

I hear her start walking over, still slightly wobbly from her ankle incident—and come sit next to me. She slowly runs her hand up and down my back. "What's wrong?"

Slowly, I lift my head and look up at her. This is going to be weird as hell. "I know her," she tilts her head questioningly. I knew it wouldn't be that easy. "I know the new detective. Like…_know_ her."

"Oh," her eyes widen, "Oh! Are you saying you've had sexual inter—"

"—Yes," I look down at the floor, feeling my face start to blush. This is awkward. "Yes, that's what I'm saying."

She doesn't say anything for a few moments and slowly pulls her hand back to her lap. I really wish I could read her mind right now. She could be thinking about anything from what's for dinner to how she can kill the detective with no one noticing. Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure she could get away with it without being caught. That's fucking scary.

Finally, she stands up and starts pacing in front of me. She never paces. I don't like where this is going. Pregnant Maura confuses the hell out of me sometimes. "Did you have a meaningful relationship with her?"

Not unless fucking her two or three times counts as meaningful. My eyes follow her as she walks back and forth. "No. You're the only _real _relationship I've ever had, Maura. You know that."

Satisfied, she finally stops pacing and stands in front of me as she looks down at my face. "So I don't have anything to worry about?"

I laugh and shake my head. Jealous Maura is about to emerge. "No, you don't have anything to worry about. I love you and _only_ you. No one else matters to me. _Especially _not a mediocre fuck buddy, alright?"

I expect watery-eyes and a profession of love or something sappy, but instead she just walks to the couch and sits next to me. She turns and I can only see the dark green color her eyes have turned. Shit, I _do _know where this is headed now.

She puts her hands on the back of my head and pulls me to where I'm less than an inch from her face. She's flushed and her breath is coming in quick, shaky bursts as it hits my face. "Just mediocre?"

It's all I can do to nod my head and get out a strangled, "yeah," before she roughly pushes her lips against mine, her tongue instantly flitting into my mouth. It's frenzied. Wild. Impulsive. Her hands roam over my chest and stomach until she gets to my pants and then they pull back to her lap.

Our mouths stay connected—fighting to see who has control— as she quickly lifts her ass to pull her dress up around her waist. She quickly pulls back, chest heaving and eyes half lidded with her hair all over the place. She's so fucking sexy when she looks like this.

She grabs the edges of my blazer and starts tugging. "I want you on your knees," she says, best commanding voice in play. Damn. So fucking hot.

I barely fight my smirk as I climb down and settle between her legs. She moves to where her ass is barely on the edge of the couch and she leans to recline against the back. She lifts her hips so I can pull off her frilly lace underwear and then I shove them in my pocket.

I slowly pull her legs open to see she's wet. So fucking wet. I raise my eyebrows and look up at her. All she can do is roll her eyes and grin before closing her eyes and dropping her head back against the top of the couch. She wraps her hands in my hair and forces me down against her with no warning whatsoever. Horny Pregnant Maura is dominant and demanding and so fucking hot. I wrap my arms under and around her thighs and slowly lick one swipe of my tongue against the length of her.

Her hips lift up towards me and she starts trying to thrust against my face—hands still wrapped in my hair. I can already tell this is not the time to take it slow. I use my thumbs to open her wider and quickly start flicking my tongue against her clit. She moans out and the muscles in her thighs start to clench as she tries to push herself harder against my face.

I suck her clit into my mouth and used my tongue to tap against it just the way she likes it. One of her legs briefly lifts up and then comes back down with a _click_ as her heel strikes the tile floor. I don't know why, but it's one of the hottest things I've ever heard. I fight the urge to just get naked so we both can get off because this is how she wants it. This is how she needs it. I can wait.

I try to go faster, give her more than I already am. She's so fucking close. Her breath is coming in quick pants and her head slightly lolls to one side, eyes still closed.

I release her clit from my mouth and start licking up and down the length of her and she gasps, eyes flying open. "There," her fingers grip tighter in my hair and pull me closer to the place my tongue just hit, "Ri-ght there."

I smile against her and then flick my tongue harder against where she's holding me. Her thighs start to clamp down around my head and I can tell she's almost there. I flick once, twice, and both of her legs slightly jerk off the ground as her stomach clenches. Almost there.

She moans again and her fingers pull so hard at my hair that it almost hurts. "Jane, I'm… I'm—"

"—Oh, shit!"

I quickly pull back and look over to the door. Frost's hand is clamped over his eyes and he's gripping on the doorknob like it's his lifeline. Damnit. Forgot to lock the door again. I start to get up to talk to him, but he blindly waves his hand out in front of him. "No, I'm just…" he points over his shoulder and clears his throat, "I'm just gonna go. Um, yeah. Bye."

He turns and shuts the door without moving his hand from his eyes. I slowly turn back to look at Maura, but she hasn't even made a move to cover herself up. What the fuck.

"Maura! Why are you—"

Her hands quickly wrap back in my hair and she pulls me roughly back down against her. "I'm so close, Jane. Don't make me finish this by myself."

Jesus fucking Christ, what the hell has gotten into her? Not that I'm complaining though. I wrap my arms back around her thighs and use my tongue to start flicking against her clit again. Both of her feet lightly tap at the floor as her legs start to shake and her stomach clenches once more. She pushes herself harder against my face and her back instantly arches up off the couch and she stills right before she cries out and falls back down against it.

Her arms and legs sporadically jerk as I bring her down—making sure I stay against her as long as it takes. She finally uses her hands to weakly push me away from her and I wipe my mouth against the inside of her thigh. She shivers and goose bumps break out across the tops of her legs. Damn, this woman turns me on even when she isn't even trying.

I'm tempted to go at it again, but I'm pretty sure Frost has already told over half the damn department about this by now. Time to go before things get worse. I move to where I'm leaning down over her and kiss the top of her forehead. Her eyes only open as I pull back.

"You're going?"

"Yeah," I kiss her lips, "I've got work to do."

I stand completely up and take a step towards the door before she calls out to me. "Jane, you have my underwear!"

I can't help but laugh as I twist the door handle and open the door. She's definitely not getting those back until tonight.

She starts to pout, so I tell her I love her and leave—underwear still in my pocket. For once, I finally won. I'm still smiling as I walk to the elevator and push the button to go back upstairs. It doesn't light up, so I push it again. And again. And again.

Shit.

I kick the front of the door and then turn to take the stairs. Just my fucking luck. As soon as I step in the stairwell, I get the 'pins and needles' feeling I know all too well and the hairs on my arms start to stand up. Something is off. I slowly move my hand to my gun.

As soon as my fingers skim across the holster, my head is jerked back and a cloth is pressed against my mouth. I try to claw at the arm around me. I try so fucking hard, but I feel my limbs and eyes start to get heavy. Maura… shit. She has to be okay. I've gotta protect her. I try to move for my gun one last time, but it's no use. Chloroform. It's not much longer until I completely give up and slowly get pulled into the blackness.

….

My eyes slowly blink open and my head instantly jerks up. _Maura. _

I look around for her, but she's not there. It's just me in a chair—hands bound by zip ties—in an empty room of a warehouse or something. This is shady as fuck. Shit. I take a few breaths to try and calm down. It won't help anything if I hyperventilate and pass out on the floor.

I move to get up and luckily, only my hands are tied so I slowly stand up to walk around the room. No windows, but there's a single door in the dimly lit corner. I push on it with both hands, but it's locked and won't budge. Goddamn it. I kick at the door as hard as I can over, and over, and over until I feel the dull ache run up my foot and into my ankle. Shit.

It starts getting harder to breathe, so I hobble over to the chair and slump back down in it. I can already feel the panic attack creeping up on me. I drop my head in my hands and start counting backwards from 100 to calm myself. There's no way in fuck I'll get out of this if I can't get a grip on myself.

I'm down to 63 when I hear a large scraping noise as the door gets pulled open. My heart starts pounding in my chest so hard it hurts and I reach for my gun. Except it's not there. Fuck.

My breathing is coming in short, quick bursts as a tall man walks inside. I look around him, praying to God that _he _isn't going to be here, too. I see no one else so I try to be brave and start to stand up, but he pushes me back down by my shoulder.

The light hits his face and I gasp.

It's fucking Paddy Doyle.

Fuck.

"Hello, Jane." His voice deep, rough. Shit. This is bad.

My mouth feels like cotton and I force myself to swallow. "How the fuck do you know my name?"

He pulls a knife out and I try to get up again, but he pushes me back down. "I looked up on you. I had to make sure my daughter was in good hands."

Stunned, I almost don't even realize he cut the zip ties. I slowly start rubbing at my wrists. "Your…daughter?"

He nods and sits down in the chair across from me. "Yes, Maura is my daughter."

Holy shit. I just got kidnapped by Maura's biological father. Fuck. I bet he's going to kill me because she hates me as much as her parents do. He's already knocked me out and tied me up, so I wouldn't put it past him. I don't even try to get up right now. There's no way I could take him down even if he _didn't_ have a knife the size of fucking Texas.

He sees me nervously rubbing at the scars on my hands and then looks back up at me. "Those women who've been killed recently…the man responsible is working for Hoyt."

No,no,no,no. This can't be happening. I can feel the blood drain from my face and my head falls forward into my hands again. An apprentice can only mean one thing. I slowly look back up at him—barely resisting the urge to puke—and try to get my hands to stop shaking. I nervously start rubbing the scars on my hands again. "How do you know?"

"I told my boys in the pen to keep an eye on Hoyt," he shrugs, "get close to him and see what he's up to." He takes a deep breath and puts the knife back in his pocket. "Neither of you are safe, Jane."

It's no secret that mobs infiltrate men into different prisons so they can keep tabs on everyone, but oh fucking is bad. Maura's not safe. She's not safe because he knows she's with me. Goddamnit. I don't even know if I can protect her this time.

I take a deep breath and lean back in my chair. "Do you know who the man is?"

He nods. "Ray Eliot."

I'm going to get sick. He works at the office we've went to for ultrasounds and blood work and…Jesus Christ. He's even fucking hugged Maura before. Even wishes us luck every time we leave. Fucking bastard. I should've known it was him. I should've known. Goddamnit.

I'm unmoving, unblinking. In shock. I finally just close my eyes and lean my head back on the chair. If Hoyt has someone working for him on the outside, that can only mean one thing—he's going to try and get out, too. This can't be real. Not again.

I try to take a deep breath, but stop as a pang runs through my chest. We've gotta make a plan. I've got to keep her safe. "What are we going to do?"

He sighs and rubs his hands on his jeans. "Get a police detail for a few days. Wait until I take care of this. No one messes with family, Jane. I'll keep all of you safe."

"All of us?" It barely comes out as a whisper, but I don't even fucking care if he knows I'm scared to death because I can see it in his eyes, too. This is bad shit.

He gives a weak half smile. "Yes. The baby, too."

A sharp intake of breath hits me. This dude is better than the fucking FBI. "What do I tell Maura? About you, I mean."

He stands up and shrugs his shoulders as he tosses me my gun. "Tell her what she wants to hear."

Before I can say anything else, he turns and walks out the door—leaving it open for me. What the hell does that mean? How the fuck should I know what she wants to hear? I really don't think 'hey, your dad's a mob boss! Surprise!' is really going to cut it.

Shit.

I get up and walk out the door, relieved to find that I'm only down at the docks and not somewhere way out of town. I run up to the road to flag down the first taxi I see. I've got to get to Maura. I have to keep her safe.

…

After calling Korsak in the taxi to explain the situation—I'd have told Frost, but Korsak knows more about what happened with Hoyt—I finally get to our house, police detail already sitting in an old unmarked across the street. I run inside—Maura still doesn't keep the fucking door locked—and call out to her from the foyer.

Nothing.

"Maura?" I quickly start running up the stairs to the bedroom. I nudge open the door to find an empty room.

Shit. She better be in the bathroom.

"Maura," I say as I twist the handle and push the door open.

I let out a sigh of relief as I see her lying in the tub—bubbles up to her neck—with her iPod precariously balanced on the edge. Her toes barely peak above the water and move in time to the music until I sit down on the edge and splash some water up on her.

Her eyes quickly open and she shoots straight up. "Jane," she pants out as she removes the earbuds. "Don't scare me like that!"

Chuckling, I shake my head. "Sorry."

She playfully glares. "No you're not." Her head tilts to the side and she slides up into a sitting position. "Where have you been? I waited for you after work and tried to call you. Twice."

Oh, paranoid Maura. That one's new. I slowly scoot along the edge of the tub until my back rests against the wall and I'm facing her. What the fuck am I supposed to tell her? 'Oh, hey. Your dad kidnapped me, but don't worry because he just wanted to tell me that we have a serial killer coming after us.' I'm sure that'd go over really fucking well.

I sit there silently thinking about what I should say until her foot comes out of the water and taps my leg and I look up at her. "Jane, what is it?"

I shake my head and look down at the floor. "We found out who has been killing all those girls."

Her eyebrows raise and she smiles. "Well that's a good thing, Jane."

I scoff and shake my head again. "Not quite."

Her head tilts and her eyes narrow. "I don't understand. Normally when you—"

"It's Ray Eliot," she gasps in shock and puts her hand over her stomach in the water. "Yeah, that's what I said."

Her eyes widen and she barely shakes her head. "No, that's…how did you find out?"

Your dad kidnapped me and told me, that's how. Not that I can say that though. This fucking sucks. No need to make this worse than it will be, so I guess I'll just leave out the whole 'taken against my will' thing. "Paddy Doyle told me."

Her face scrunches up. "Paddy Doyle? Why were you talking to widely known Mob boss?"

I nervously scratch at my neck. Might as well spit it out. "He's,uh…he's your father."

She frowns. "Richard Isles certainly does not use Paddy Doyle as an alias, Jane."

Oh, well at least the fucker does have a name. Not the point though. I reach over and take her free, wet hand in mine. "Um, no. Paddy Doyle…he's your biological father, Maura."

She quickly yanks her hand back and scowls as her eyes start to water. "That's not funny, Jane. I don't appreciate you joking about that."

I take a deep breath and run my hands across my thighs. "I'm not joking. He told me he—"

My phone starts ringing and I drop my head as I pull it out of my pocket. There could _not _be any worse timing.

"Rizzoli," I basically bark into the phone. This better be good.

"_Jane, it's Frost—"_

"—If this was about earlier, I don't want to hear it."

He clears his throat. "_Um, no. This is…Hoyt just escaped custody, Jane."_

….

…..

**So, I start my junior year of college—as a biology major, ugh— on Thursday, so my updates might start slowing down a bit. BUT, I'll never give up on this. Promise! (:**

**I'm legit counting your votes for boy/girl, too. So you can still leave your preference in a review (:**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Can't believe we are already on chapter 14! This is seriously either going to be like 90 chapters or get turned into a trilogy type thing. Geez. **

**Thank you for your reviews! You are all so perfect (:**

**My 's' key is being dumb. So if you see any mistakes, please let me know. **

…

I slowly blink my eyes open before slamming them shut again. The overhead light so bright it's fucking blinding me. A wet, cold cloth is being dabbed across my forehead, my face, my neck.

Hands push me down as I try to sit up and my eyes instantly fly open.

My breathing slows as I realize it's just Maura. A very naked Maura kneeling beside me and rubbing my face with the rag. Her face is knitted in concern and she very slowly helps me sit and lean back against the wall. I rub my eyes and then look over at her.

"What happened?"

She stands and wraps a towel around her before sitting across from me. "You fainted."

My mouth drops open in mock disgust. "Maura! I do _not_ faint."

She slowly shakes her head. "Actually, you did—"

"—No. I went vaso-vagalo or whatever," I wave my hand in the air, "Jane Rizzoli does not faint. Fainting is for pussies."

She arches one eyebrow. "Whatever you say, Jane." She leans over and starts to snap the back onto my phone from where it popped off when I dropped it. "It's technically the same, only different ways of describing it," she mutters under her breath. I knew it wouldn't just be 'whatever' I said. Ugh. That woman and the need to have the last word.

It finally hits me why I dropped my phone and took a nose dive from the edge of the tub. Fuck. I quickly stand up and Maura looks up at me, bewildered. "It isn't the best idea to stand up that quickly. You could be suffering from a head—"

I cut her off by pulling her up to stand on her feet. We don't have time for scientific bullshit right now. Science won't get us out of this one.

She follows behind me as I run out to the hall closet, asking more questions than I can handle, so I ignore them. I yank the door open and start rifling around in a box in the back corner until I find what I'm looking for.

I pick it up, feeling the cool metal against my skin. It's heavy, but Maura can use it. I only had to take her to the firing range once to see how good of a shot she really was. I walk out of the closet and hand it to her—nearly laughing at the sight of her holding a .44 caliber Desert Eagle in nothing but a towel.

Her eyebrows knit together and she looks up, confused. "Why do we have this in the closet?" She turns it over in her hands. "Better yet, why do_ I_ need it?"

I harshly swallow, my mouth starting to feel like fucking cotton again. This is horrible. I can't believe I had to drag Maura into this. I pat my gun in the holster to make sure it's still there before leaning back against the wall. If I didn't, I just know my legs would give and I'd pass out again. "Hoyt's out."

Her head quickly jerks up from inspecting the gun. The color visibly drains from her face and her eyes widen. "Are you certain?"

Her voice is shaky, weak. The fear is clearly evident despite how calm she's trying to act. I wish she never had to be brought into this. I'm sure stress isn't good for the baby, either. I slowly nod and run my hands across my face. "Yeah."

She takes a step towards me, breathing quickly. I never wanted her to feel the fear I lived with for so long. Damnit. "What are we going to do?"

We'll my ass is going to wait right here until Doyle takes care of it or until Hoyt comes to us. I'm not running out to find trouble. That's not me. Not anymore. I've got too much to lose. I pull her to me—taking as much comfort from her as I'm giving—and start walking her backwards to the bedroom. "First, you're going to get dressed. Then, we are going to go downstairs and watch a movie. Your choice."

We get to the bedroom and she pulls back from me slightly, forehead creased. "But what about—"

"—There are two cops sitting right outside," I take her wet towel and throw it in the hamper, "And I'm sure they'll be sending more over soon." She hasn't moved an inch so I pull out some of her yoga pants and one of my loose shirts and hand them to her. "Don't worry, alright? If they don't do their job and protect us, I promise I will. We'll be okay."

She slowly starts pulling on her pants and looks at me, warily. "So you're staying here? With me?"

Of course she wouldn't believe me. Why should she? I'm hardheaded and stubborn and I'll do whatever it takes to solve a case. But not this time. I know the line between being brave and being stupid. Leaving this house would just be stupid and I'd probably end up on her table in the morgue. I don't ever want to put her through that. I take her hand in mine and run my thumb over her wedding band before looking up at her. "I used to want nothing more than to kill that bastard. That's all I could think about every single day. Then you came along and now" I barely shake my head, "Now all I want to do is be with you and make sure you're always safe. That's all I want."

She nods and tries smile like nothing's wrong—knowing I don't want to talk about this anymore. "Any movie?"

….

Only thirty minutes into Casablanca and the waterworks are already starting. Happens every fucking time. I don't know why she always insists on watching this movie. I doubt she even sees anything with all the tears in her eyes.

I'm propped up against the armrest and she's already crawled over to lay on me. I roll my eyes as she starts sniffling against my chest. "C'mon, Maur. You've seen this…"

I trail off as I hear someone knocking on the front door. Maura pops up and pulls the gun out from between the cushions before I can blink. Shit. I definitely didn't see her hide that there.

She points it towards the door and looks at me. My heart is pounding in my chest as I slowly stand up and put my finger to my lips. She nods—hands slightly trembling—as I pull my gun out and start making my way to the door. I don't really think this is anyone out to kill us because they did knock, after all. But, you never know. He's a sneaky fuck like that.

I press up against the door and move just to where I can look through the peep hole.

_Fuck_.

Not now.

I look back at Maura as I roll my eyes. "Don't shoot. We'd never hear the end of it."

I turn back and open the door. "Maaa. Why are _you_ here?"

Annoyed, she huffs and pushes past me. "I brought food. I thought you girls might get hungry," she says as she holds up a cooler and makes her way into the kitchen. Of course she would bring food when there's a serial killer after us. That's _totally_ normal.

She puts the stuff in the fridge before sitting beside Maura and talking about how Casablanca is her favorite movie of all time.

I'm pretty sure she's never seen it.

I go to sit on the other side of Maura when I hear another knock on the door. What the fuck is going on right now?

I pull out my gun and take a deep breath as I walk back to the door and look through the peep hole again.

This is 4632 times worse than Ma.

I open the door and see the new detective standing on the porch. Detective Cooper. _Riley Cooper. _What the fuck have I done to deserve this?

I step back so she can walk inside. She smiles and throws her hands around my neck and pushes up as close as she can against me. I guess she remembers how weird I was about people touching my hands and back. That's a plus…I think?

She pulls back and awkwardly shoves her hands in her pockets. "So, Jane…It's good to see you again. I didn't think I ever would."

This is fucking weird. I uncomfortably scratch at my neck and clear my throat. "Well…here I am."

She smiles again and pushes back a piece of my hair "I see that."

"May I shoot _her_? Or is that also a bad idea?" Oh god. Pregnant Maura has less of a filter than Normal Maura.

I turn back and glare at her and try not to smile. It's hard when I'm not even mad. I kind of like it when she gets jealous.

Riley at least has the decency to look uncomfortable. She slightly frowns and follows me to the living room. "Cavanaugh wanted one of us to come over here for the night while the other two followed up on leads," she shrugs as she sits down on one of the chairs, "I'm the newbie, so…"

I sit back down Maura and nod. "Yeah. I get it."

I finally remember to not be so fucking awkward and introduce everyone. Ma is just as loud and welcoming as usual, but I can't say the same for Maura. Definitely can't.

She purses her lips and puts her hand protectively high on my leg as she looks at Riley. "Would you like something to drink?"

Uneasily, Riley nods as she fiddles with her hands. "Yeah, that'd be great. Whatever you're having."

We all try to pretend to be focused on the movie while Maura moves around the kitchen. What the fuck else are we going to do? This is weird. At least Riley didn't bring anything up about whatever it was we had a few years ago. That'd make it 90879 times weirder.

Maura finally comes back and hands Riley a mug before sitting down—almost on top of me—with her own. I smell it and almost fucking laugh. Sneaky woman. This makes me love her even more.

Riley takes a sip and her eyebrows raise. "Wow, this is good."

Maura nods and smiles. "Shipped directly from China. An Yashi believes that tea fertilized by _Ailuropoda melanoleuca _excrement presents higher environmental protection by replacing chemical fertilizers with natural ones."

Riley's eyes get as big as saucers as she starts to choke. "You mean…"

I finally start laughing and nod. "Yep. You're drinking panda poop."

Maura lightly slaps my leg with a smirk. "Jane, of course she's not drinking the actual excrement. That would hardly be healthy."

For as socially awkward as she tends to be, she definitely knows what she's doing. Can't say I blame her, though. I kiss her forehead as she curls back into my side. This is definitely going to be a long night.

….

Frost and Korsak have yet to find any good leads, but we have a totally of seven uniforms are stationed outside our house. Plus the three of us have guns—there's no way in hell I'd give Ma one—so I'm not exactly scared even though I probably should be. I mean, we have two deranged fucks after us and yet we're sitting inside acting like this is the most normal thing in the world.

Maybe it's just a front to help us feel like everything _is_ okay. Hell if I know. I just know I'd prefer this than being scared out of my fucking mind. I've been through that enough.

I start laughing as Riley finishes telling a story about breaking her nose while taking down a suspect. She's honestly not that bad to talk to. Too bad we never really spoke all those years ago. We might've actually become friends.

Just as I'm about to start telling the story of tackling a naked guy, Maura squeezes my knee and stands up. That's her sign for 'Jane Rizzoli if you don't follow me right now, I will fucking kill you myself' or something, so I excuse myself and follow her to the bathroom.

As soon as I shut the door she pushes me back against it and starts kissing my neck, my face, my jaw. It feels good. It feels fucking great—it always does. But this is just not something I can handle right now.

I gently push her away from me. "Maura, we can't do this."

She narrows her eyes with her head tilted before reaching out to undo the buttons on my shirt. "Of course we can. I can be quiet if I need to be."

I take a deep breath before reaching up and stilling her hands. "No. _I _can't do this right now."

I see confusion flit across her face as she pulls her hands back. "Is this because Detective Cooper is here?"

That's the dumbest thing I've honestly ever heard her say. I scoff. "What? No. Of course not. Why would you think that?"

She props herself back against the sink. "You've never said no before, Jane. Not to mention that you've slept with her before and you two were getting along quite well a few moments ago." She looks down at her hands and start playing with her wedding ring. "Do you wish it was her instead of me?"

She just took ridiculous to a whole new level. Pregnant hormones or not, there's no reason for her to say that. I cross my arms over my chest, waiting for her to look up, but she never does. "Is that what you really think?"

A red blush creeps up her face. From embarrassment or anger, I can't tell. She shakes her head without looking up. "No. It's just… It's hard to witness. It makes me realize how easily I could've been looked over. You could've started dating her," she looks up with watering eyes, "and then we never would've met. You would have her and I would…I would just be alone. I never would've found my better half."

Her head drops down and she tries her best to keep quiet as she finally starts to cry. How we can go from talking about tackling suspects to this, I'll never know. I walk up in front of her and pull her against me, her arms trapped between our chests. I run my hand up and down her back to try and get her to calm down. There's not one part of me that believes we wouldn't have found each other. Even if I hadn't gone through everything with _him _and started dating Riley, I still would've found Maura. She's everything to me. She completes me.

I pull back and start wiping at her tears. "I thought you didn't like what ifs?"

She bites at her bottom lip and shakes her head. "I don't."

I smile. "That's what I thought." I pick up her hand and run my thumb across her ring. "I would've found you, Maura. Even if it meant I had to go across the world, I would've found you."

She smiles with a trembling lip. "Technically, if we had never met before you wouldn't know who you were looking—"

"—No," I say as I raise my finger up in the air, "You're not allowed to ruin this with technical bullshit, okay? Just go with it."

She nods and I take a deep breath as I look down at the floor. "This has nothing to do with Riley. This has to do with…" I shake my head as I start to break out in a sweat. I knew this feeling would come. "I can't do this with you right now because it just…it reminds me of _him."_

I feel the lump rising in my throat and I try to fight it off. I need to just get this off my chest for her. "I'm not saying it always does, okay? Hell, it never does. But he's out there," I shake my head as I clench my jaw. I refuse to cry over this. "He's out there and he's coming for us and all I can think about is what he did to me." A tear finally works its way out and she brushes it away as I look up at her. "I don't ever want something we do to remind me of him."

She tilts her head and her forehead creases. "I'm sorry. I was too caught up in my own jealousy to thi—"

I lean down and kiss her lips. It's quick, reassuring. I pull back and try to smile even though I know it probably isn't that convincing. "Don't apologize. I'm okay. _We're _okay. No apologies are needed."

She starts buttoning up my shirt with a smile. "I don't even need to apologize for giving Riley my excrement tea?"

I laugh and shake my head. "Hell no. Definitely not."

….

Two hours later and still no word from anyone. Fuck. I poke around at some lasagna while Ma goes all Betty Crocker and starts baking cakes for Hell knows what. I start drawing an X in the sauce, but right before I can finish Maura grabs my plate and starts scraping the food into the trash.

"I was eating that!"

She glares before putting the plate in the dishwasher. "You've been sitting there for 38 minutes. I think if you were going to eat it, you would have by now."

"That was bitchy," I huff before taking a drink of beer. Ugh, it's fucking hot. I guess I really have been sitting here that long.

She stands up, eyebrow raised. "I don't remember any rules that stated you were the only one allowed to be a bitch."

Holy shit. What crawled up her ass and died? She was fine…38 minutes ago. My mouth drops open and I look over to Ma for help. Of course, she gives none. I snap my mouth closed and glare. "I am not—"

There's a noise. A really fucking loud noise outside the door followed by a bunch of fucking yelling. I point at Ma and Maura so they don't follow me before I jump up and run towards the front door, gun raised.

This is it. I can feel it.

….

….

….

Okay, moved back to college yesterday. Kinda threw my muse off, so I hope this is okay!


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: okay, so I'm totally ready for some fluff now. );**

**I loved your reviews! I always take what you say into consideration!**

…

Maura's face is pale and Ma is standing in front of her, as if to shield her. Riley follows beside me until we push up against the door—guns drawn. I look up into the peep hole but all I can see is the back of someone's head. Goddamnit.

I take a deep breath and push my ear up to the door. My brows furrow as I hear…laughing.

What the fuck?

I push harder against the door, hoping I can hear what's going on. All I can make out is more laughing. Right before I pull back, there's a knock on the door. It's so unexpected that my whole body jumps back and I am the gun at the door. Shit.

"Jane! Yo Janie, open up."

Frankie.

I roll my eyes and yank the door open. "Are you stupid? I almost fucking shot you."

He glances over to Riley and a blush creeps up on his face. Too bad she doesn't play for his team. He clears his throat and rubs the sweat off his forehead. "Sorry. I, uh…I tripped up the steps."

I can't help but laugh. He's clumsier than I am when I wear heels. I push open the door for him to come inside but he shakes his head. "No, you guys should come with me. We," he swallows harshly, "we got him, Jane. We got him."

My legs start to grow weak so I clutch at the door frame. This…this can't be happening. This is too good to be true. I look up at him, tears burning in my eyes. "Don't lie to me, Frankie. Don't…just don't."

"No, really, Jane. He's dead," he shrugs his shoulders, "You should come see for yourself."

I nod and barely recognize the warmth of Maura's arms around my waist for support. This can't be real. Not after all this time. I'm on autopilot as Maura helps guide me down the sidewalk to the car. I should be scared. Or happy. Or..hell, I should at least be _something. _

But I'm not. I'm in a daze, vaguely aware of the street lights shining in the windows as we follow Frankie. I'm empty. There's nothing. This can't be real.

It only seems like seconds later that we pull to a stop in the outskirts of the city. It took at least forty minutes to get here, but it doesn't feel like it's been that long.

I'm distantly aware of Maura's hand clutching mine as we follow Frankie down an alley. He gets to the end and points to a door.

I pull it open and there's no floor, just stairs that drop down to a dimly lit area. There's no fucking way I'm letting Maura go down there and there's no way I'm letting her stay up here. This could be a part of his plan to get her alone and kill her. He may not even really be dead. He's good enough to fake it.

I look up and shake my head. "No. There's no fucking way—"

"Jane," Maura pleas, "This will help you find closure and—"

"Can't I get just as much closure by seeing him at the morgue? _After _they pull him out from down there?"

She slightly frowns and looks down the stairs and then back up at me. "Can you really wait until tomorrow to know if he's really dead?"

Goddamnit. She's got me there. I huff and kick at a rock on the ground. This is a lose-lose situation. I look up and point at Frankie. "You cover us from the back," I look over at Maura, "and you stay by me at all times, no matter what. Understand?"

She warily looks over at Frankie and back at me before she nods. I know they think I'm being overdramatic, but they weren't there. They didn't see the things I saw. They didn't go through the things the bastard did to me, either. Thank God for that.

I wrap my right arm around her waist and keep my gun held out in front of us as we make our way down the steep steps. They're basically just carved out of the stone. Loose rock crunches under our feet and I have to latch on to Maura more than once to keep us balanced.

We get to the bottom and I take a deep breath. I'm shaking and sweating and can barely think straight. Maura wraps one of her arms around me and starts leading us forward like she did at the house. She knows exactly what I need even when I don't even know.

She pulls me down the narrow, dim hallway until we get to the end. It opens up to a big room and lights have been placed all around to light up the room.

To shine on them.

My arm shakes as I drop it from Maura's waist. I hesitantly start making my way to the two chairs in the middle of the room. I keep my gun out, afraid that they will jump up at any second and go for me or Maura. Can't have that. Won't let that happen.

I use the back of my arm to wipe the sweat off my forehead as I get close enough to see the faces.

My heart skips a beat and I drop to my knees.

It's them. It's Hoyt and Ray Eliot.

The snarl is still plastered on _his_ face, even in death. His eyes still as malicious even though they're clouded with death.

I try to swallow as a dry heave makes its way out of my throat.

This is real.

They're dead.

It's over.

It's finally fucking over. Maura's safe. I'm safe. _We're_ safe.

I feel a grin tug at my lips before I slowly become aware of everyone staring at me. I start to pull myself up, surprised when Maura wraps around me to help me stand. She just looks at me, knowing that now isn't a time for words. There's nothing to say about this. There probably never will be. He's gone and I'm not ever going to be scared of him coming for us ever again. Even though most would probably think it's out of place, I smile. This is really it. I lean over and kiss Maura's temple. We're safe.

She waves a person from the evidence department over and pulls on a glove. She slowly pulls an icepick from Hoyt's chest and drops it in a brown bag before picking up a picture that was pinned to him. She gasps and looks up at me. She takes a deep breath before holding it out so I can see it.

It's Paddy with a baby no older than a few months. I already know where this is going. I look up and meet her eyes so she knows it's okay to talk.

"That child…that child was me, Jane."

Somehow, I find my voice. "You're sure?" He _did _tell me he was her father so I'm pretty sure it is, but I should still ask.

She pulls the picture back and runs her finger over her—well, the child Maura's neck. "Yes. I still have that necklace." She frowns and bites at her lip. "That's a picture of me with my….Paddy Doyle."

I run my still-clammy hand down her arm. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She takes one last look at the picture before dropping it in the bag with the pick before turning back to me. "I'm the child of a murderer, Jane."

The exact same reason her parents won't accept our child. I close my eyes and rub my temples. Shit.

I open my eyes and jog to catch up with her as she walks towards the hallway. "Maur, c'mon. You know that's not—"

"—Jane," she turns around so quickly I almost bump into her. Her eyebrows raise and she tries to calm herself down with a deep breath. "I'm tired. I want to go home. So, please, don't say anything else about that."

So I don't and she stomps away to the stairs.

…..

"Again."

I drop my head and prop myself up with my arms on each side of her head. "Maur…"

She clamps her legs around my waist and squeezes her eyes shut as a tear rolls down her cheek. "Again. I need you to do it again."

I sigh and dip my hand between us and push two fingers inside her for the fourth time in the hour that we've been home. She won't talk or do anything but this. I don't know why, but if it's what will help her, then it's what I'll do.

She growls in her throat as I pick up the pace. It's feral. Unrestrained. Her fingers grip and slide against the sweat covered scars on my back, leaving scratches in their wake. I groan as her hot breath pants into my ear with every thrust I make into her.

One of her hands moves to my scalp and tangles into my hair for anchorage as her other hand works its way between us. She starts rubbing her clit faster and faster until she matches my pace. She gasps for breath and her heels dig into my lower back. She's already came three times, so I know it won't be much longer for the fourth.

Her fingers yank at my hair so hard that I bite down on her shoulder hard enough to leave marks. She groans and starts rubbing faster, her hips bucking towards my hand to make it deeper, better . I move my mouth down to her nipple and pull it between my teeth. I bite down and pull up, her back arching to move up with me.

My teeth scrape against it as it slides out of my grip and she cries out—the pain is enough to let her come. I work her down as tears roll down her face and kiss where I bit as my fingers pull out of her. She whimpers in protest, but I just can't do this again. She's only doing this to keep every other feeling at bay. That's not healthy. I won't let her end up like I did.

I hover over her on my forearms and use my thumbs to wipe away the tear streaks on her face. "Did I hurt you?"

She bites her lip and shakes her head without opening her eyes. "Not you. You didn't hurt me."

I drop my forehead down to her chest. "Do you want to—"

Frustrated, she groans and pushes me off of her as she rolls away from me. "No, Jane. I do not want to talk about it."

I take a deep breath and stand up. If she doesn't want to talk, I won't make her. If she doesn't want me to hold her, I won't. If she only wants to fuck so she doesn't have to feel anything else, I won't do that either. That's a cycle too hard to pull out of. Trust me, I've been there.

She says nothing as I pick up my underwear from the floor and pull them on. She says nothing as I throw on a shirt and start making my way out the door. If she doesn't want to talk, I won't make her.

I walk downstairs and riffle through the coat closet until I find what I'm looking for. I hid it here when I first moved in, but I don't know why. It's not like I've used one since I started dating Maura. I grab a lighter and walk out to the back patio and flop down in a ridiculously uncomfortable chair. Ugh, I have no fucking idea why she always picks furniture that feels harder than a rock.

I lean back and light the cigar. I inhale and try to enjoy the flavor and the way it made me feel like it used to, but it just isn't there. Three more drags and I can tell this isn't going to work for me anymore. This isn't going to give me a minute to clear my mind.

But the embers on the end glowing bright orange are enough to intrigue me. I watch as the flame slowly burns away and the brown wrapping. I take one more drag and watch as the light burns brighter and inches its way closer to my mouth. It's eerily beautiful.

I start laughing even though I'm alone. After everything that happened tonight, after _everything, _I'm sitting on the porch thinking about how beautiful a burning cigar is. How fucking weird. I shake my head as I stub it out and throw it across the fence to our neighbor's yard. I can't just sit out here and let Maura wage a war inside herself. I've been there. It's not a good place to be. I definitely don't want her to have to do it alone.

By the time I crawl back in bed, she's snoring like a fucking chainsaw. She's never snored before. That's fucking weird. I glance towards the bathroom, but decide against a shower. She's asleep, she won't be able to smell me.

Wrong.

As soon as I climb into bed and settle under the covers, she stops snoring and flips towards me—eyes wide. How the fuck she goes from dead asleep to that, I'll never know. I lean in to kiss her but she pulls back, eyebrows furrowed.

"You smell like smoke," acquisition clear in her voice.

I scoff and wave one hand in the space between us. "You won't talk to me."

She glances away at the ceiling and takes a shaky breath. "I don't know who I am anymore," she whispers.

I pull her face to look at her, and leave my hand on her cheek as I look into her eyes. I don't just want her to hear what I'm saying, I want her to _feel _it. "You're Maura Isles. You're my wife. You're going to be mother. You're weird and funny and smart and… and I love you," a tear rolls down her cheek and I wipe it with my thumb. "I'll love you today and tomorrow and for as long as I'm alive because you're the same person you were yesterday and the same person you'll be tomorrow. It doesn't change you. Knowing who your biological father is doesn't change you."

She doesn't believe me, I can see it in her eyes. I take a deep breath and close my eyes before opening them again. "Have you ever been so angry that you couldn't look in the mirror because you were afraid of what was looking back at you?"

She shakes her head. "No," she whispers, more tears sliding down her face.

She may never have been there, but I have. That's nowhere anyone wants to be. I pull her in closer to my chest. "When that happens, that's when it's changed you. But you'll never get there. I won't let you, okay? I'm here for you. I'll never let you get so far gone that you don't know who you are anymore. I'll remind you who you are everyday if I need to." I lean in and kiss her forehead, mindful of the smoke still on my breath. "You're beautiful. You're smart. You're the most innocent and harmless person I've ever met. There's no evil living inside you, Maur. I would know if there was. I've seen it too many times to not recognize it. But, it's not in you. I promise."

Her cries are shaky as she pulls in closer and tucks her face against my neck. I hold her until she's no longer crying and whispers an 'I love you' before falling asleep. Her snores echo against my chest and fill the room. I swear they're the most evil part about her.

I kiss the top of her head and lay back into my pillow. She may not believe me now, but she will. I'll make sure she does. We'll be okay. As long as we've still got each other, we'll be okay. I have no doubts.

…..

…

Classes start tomorrow! At 8 am, yuck. Wish me luck and leave a review, maybe? Love you guys!

I'm ready for some fluff now, okay?


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: you guys have made me scared. I don't know if you liked the last couple of chapters or not, so I'm REALLY nervous about this one. Please don't hate me!**

**I love your reviews/alerts/favorites, so do keep it up if ya want! (:**

…

A smack to the stomach jerks me awake and I sit up straight in bed. Maura's looking up at me all wide eyed and innocent, so I know she did that on purpose. "What the hell, Maura? I was sleeping, in case you didn't notice."

She takes a deep breath. "I noticed. Why are…why are you sleeping with a pillow on your head? I said your name…repeatedly."

I groan and rub my hands over my face. "You're snoring like a fucking man again! Can you blame me?" I swear it's so loud. So fucking loud. I bet Ma can hear it on the other side of town.

She takes another deep breath. "The mucous membranes in the nose often start to swell…causing nasal congestion and…oh."

She grabs her stomach and instantly winces. I instantly move to where I'm hovering over her. Shit. After everything, I pray to fucking God nothing is wrong with this baby. It'd kill her. Hell, it'd kill both of us. I look down to her stomach and back to her face. "Maur, are you okay? What hurts? Do we need to go to the hospital?"

She shakes her head and closes her eyes. "No. Just…just go run a warm bath, okay?

I look down at her skeptically. This isn't good. I can't have anything happen to either of them. "If you're hurting, we are going to the hospital. I'm not going to let you lay here—

She opens her eyes and uses one arm to push me away from her. "They're Braxton Hicks contractions. They'll go away shortly. Just run a bath for me, please."

"Are you sure?" I slowly stand up. I'm definitely not okay with just staying here.

She rolls her eyes before closing them again. "Jane. I'm a doctor."

I scoff and look down at her. "Yeah, a dead people doctor! I don't want either—"

"Jane!" She points her finger towards the bathroom.

She honest to God just yelled. Where the fuck did that attitude come from? Ugh I may not like this idea, but I guess I'll just have to go with her bullheadedness until I can convince her to go to the hospital. And they call _me_ stubborn.

I scowl and stomp off to the bathroom and turn on the water, making sure it's a _warm _bath and not a _hot _bath. You know what sounds fucking better than a bath? A fucking hospital bed. With a doctor. A live people baby doctor. She's so fucking frustrating sometimes.

I pour in some bath salts—lavender or something, hell if I know—and march back over to the edge of the bed. "Will you _please_ just let me take you to see a doc—"

"—No," she holds her arms out towards me. "Help me up."

I pull on her arms until she's sitting and help her up after she swings her legs off the bed. She stands up and pulls my face down for a kiss. "If they don't stop within the hour, we can do whatever will make you feel better about this. Okay?"

I drop my eyes down to the floor and nod. I guess she isn't _that _stubborn. She does this cute half-asleep waddle to the bathroom and then leans back against the vanity so I can help pull off her pajamas. As soon as I pull her shirt off, her hands fly back to her stomach and she cringes. Shit. I don't like this one bit.

It's not till I look down that I notice it. The bump. Like I _thought_ I had been seeing one, but it's definitely there now. It's tiny and round and if I wasn't afraid of hurting her, I'd touch it. Wow. It might not be the most appropriate time, but I can't help but smile as I look back up at her.

"When did that get there?"

She scrunches up her nose and looks down. "It is more prominent now, isn't it?"

I laugh and help her walk over to the tub. "Yeah," she latches onto my arm as she steps one foot in the water, "but it's cute, though."

She looks over her shoulder and wags her eyebrows. "Did Jane Rizzoli just call me cute?"

I feel the blush creep up my face and I roll my eyes. "Yeah, but…just get in the tub."

She lets me slowly help her down into the water before looking up at me with a smile. "Don't be embarrassed. I may have liked it."

I scoff and go to sit on the edge of the tub but stop as I see her start to pout. "What?"

Her lips turn down a little more and she scrunches up her nose again. "You aren't going to join me?"

Oh. Well I guess it is pretty damn weird that she sat so far away from the back of the tub. I just don't want to hurt her or anything. "Can I?"

"You certainly _can,_ but whether or not you _may _is certainly a diff—"

"—Stop," I pull my shirt over my head and throw it to the floor. "I get it. Don't be such a smartass."

She grins as I pull off my pants and step in the water behind her. "I'm told I learned from the best."

Yeah, I'm sure Ma has told her that plenty of times. I think Maura is definitely catching up to me, though. She leans back against me and sighs, hands still pressed against her stomach. I meant what I said, it's fucking cute and I can't help but touch her. I gently lay my hands on top of hers and wait for her to spaz out, but she doesn't so I leave them there. I go to kiss her head, but I stop as I realize something is off. Not in a weird obvious way, but it still isn't normal.

I pull one of my hands off hers and run it through her hair. "Do you get highlights?"

Eyes closed, she nods her head against me with a smile tugging at her lips. "I used to, yes. What did you think I did at the salon for four hours?"

Scoffing, I throw my hand in the air. She's lucky that I get a twenty minute trim once a year. "I don't know…Eat and drink wine or something? I just thought your hair was naturally a funky blonde color."

Her eye brows shoot up and I can see 'pissed' clearly written all over her face even though her eyes are still shut. "Funky blonde?"

Shit. I can't dig this any deeper, she'll get all indignant and then I'll be sleeping on the couch. "Well…I mean! How else would you describe it?"

She purses her lips together before finally opening her eyes. "Hmm…caramel? Light brunette with a touch of blonde? Or how about—"

"—Whatever, Maura," I roll my eyes. So fucking literal. "Now it's just…funky blonde brown instead."

She finally opens her eyes and turns to look at me, disbelief written all over her face. "It's been four and a half months and you've just now noticed the highlights have grown out?"

So much for not digging any deeper. I awkwardly scratch at my temple. "Yeah, um, but that's a good thing though!"

She scoffs and her eyebrows both rise. This is going to be a 'you're not pregnant, so you will never win against me' kind of argument, I can tell. "How is that possibly a good thing?"

"It means you look just as good as you did before!" Her eyes narrow. "No, I mean better! You definitely look better than before."

"So you're saying I'm wasting money and time when I get my hair colored?"

Shit. Is that basically what I'm saying? I guess it kind of is. "Maybe?"

"That's nice, Jane." Someone's gotten good at sarcasm.

She closes her eyes and lays her head back against me. Damnit. "Look, no. That's not what I meant. Stop putting words in my mouth! I was only _suggesting_—

"Technically, there's no way for me to put words in your mouth since they aren't phys—"

"—Stop being a smartass, Maura. Now I feel bad."

She only lets me sit there for a couple of seconds before she starts laughing uncontrollably. I just got played. I just got played by Maura fucking Isles. Wow. I pinch at her leg, but she just keeps laughing.

"You totally did that on purpose, didn't you?"

She nods and I finally get over my shock and start laughing with her. There's no question as to how tight I'm wrapped around her finger. I notice how pruney we both are, so I kiss her temple as I move to sit us up.

Almost instantly, she stops laughing and gasps—her hands flying out to grip the edge of the tub so tight her knuckles turn white. She looks down and her whole body starts to shake before a sob rips its way out of her throat.

Confused, I look down. I really wish I hadn't.

There's blood.

Thick and brighter than anything I've ever seen.

Slowly seeping and spreading through the water in front of her.

She's sobbing and I'm frozen to my spot in disbelief.

This can't be happening.

I have no idea what to do.

….

….

I said fluff didn't I? I swear it was going to be all rainbows and unicorns until I went on google and found some stuff out, so blame it and not me!


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: you guys need to have a little faith in me! Geez (;**

**And for the anon that asked 18 weeks or roughly 4.5 months. **

…

I pace back and forth by the side of that fucking bedchair thing.

It was the water. The water that made it look like there was more blood than there really was or something. I couldn't make out much of what Maura was saying because she couldn't stop crying—which only made me drive faster and pay even less attention to what she was explaining.

She's lying on the bed, looking weak and fragile with paler skin than usual and puffy eyes. I want to help her, to fix her. But she won't even look at me. She's blaming herself and no matter what I say, she won't look at me. I run my hand through my hair before I finally fall down in the chair by her bed—hunched over, elbows propped on my knees.

I'm busy counting the dots on the tile floor—trying not to think about all the horrible ways this could end—when the doctor finally fucking comes in. It's been almost 15 minutes since we got here. That's too fucking long for 'the best neonatal specialist on the east coast' or whatever the fuck Maura called her.

"Are we having some trouble tonight, ladies?"

Even coming from Amy, the royal 'we' pisses me off. Her smile is way too bright for one in the morning as she pulls a stool up to the end of the bed. Maura nods and tries not to cry. "Braxton Hicks contractions do often begin around six weeks, they just aren't generally noticed until week 24. I know I'm not that far along…I just thought—I was _sure _that's all it was."

Amy nods and starts pulling up Maura's gown up so she can put her feet in the stirrup things. "You very well could have been experiencing them," she pulls out that awful wand, "They do tend to start earlier when the woman is older or having her first child."

Maura sniffs and Amy smiles supportively. She might use the royal 'we' and hire serial killers, but I can tell she's a good person. She switches on the machine and looks back up. "Any more bleeding?"

"Not as much," she says as she shakes her head.

Amy's smile brightens up at that. "That's fantastic! I'm just going to do a transvaginal ultrasound like we did last time so we can see what's going on in there, okay?"

Before she can do anything, I stand up and walk to Maura's side and hold out my hand. She might be blaming herself and avoiding me because of it, but I know she wants this one reassurance. Slowly reaches over and slips her hand and looks at me—her eyes all but begging for forgiveness. There's nothing to be forgiven.

I open my mouth to speak, but she looks back at the screen as Amy does whatever with the wand. The screen is gray and black and white, but there's no sound.

There should be sound. There was a heartbeat last time so there should be this time, too. Right? Without letting go of Maura's hand, I look over at the wall across from the ultrasound, willing myself not to cry. I'm not going to cry now because if this is hard for me, it _has _to be harder for her. Not only is she blaming herself, she's got all those facts and figures swirling around in her head which makes it so much worse.

I fight the tightness of my throat and wipe the corner of my eye before I turn back and squeeze Maura's hand and look back up at the screen. There's no jelly bean sized baby.

There's a potato sized baby.

But still no sound.

"Hmm…" Amy frowns and starts fooling with the side of the machine before yelling, 'Ah ha!' and clicking a button.

A soft whooshing sound instantly fills the room. Not as fast as last time—I may or may not have read about how that was normal—but it's still there. I can't help but smile even though I know we aren't out of the woods yet.

A couple of tears roll down Maura's cheek and she squeezes my hand. Amy looks up at us and smiles. "The baby has gotten a lot bigger hasn't it?" She turns back to the screen and starts moving the wand. "Now let's see what else we can find."

She only looks at the things flashing across the screen for a few secons before Maura gives a sigh of relief and Amy looks up at me with a smile. "Polyps!"

I furrow my brow. "Polyps?" That sounds fucking terrible.

Amy nods and points at a round dot on the screen. "Cervical polyps. They're benign tumors that—"

"—Tumors?" I was right. Fucking terrible.

Maura looks up at me and slightly shakes her head. "Benign, Jane. Noncancerous."

Confused, I look back at Amy. "What about the pain? She was—"

"—Jane," Maura exasperatedly sighs.

Upset or not, I glare at her. "Just because I'm not a genius, doesn't mean I'm stupid. I'm worried, Maura. Just let me worry about you, alright?"

Maura scowls and I glare back. I can tell neither of us is going to back down with this. Maura was clutching the side of the tub and bleeding for fuck's sake. I'm entitled to know what the fuck was going on without her treating me like I'm an idiot. I can't help I didn't go to 897 different med schools and learn 19 different languages. I want someone to tell me what happened without her huffing and puffing like an irritated child. It doesn't work like that. Not in this case. Not when it has to do with my family.

We're still staring each other down when Amy clears her throat. "The pain, Jane? Cervical polyps can cause pelvic and back pain," she waves one hand in the air with a reassuring smile, "It's very normal. Nothing to be worried about."

I thought Maura was dying in the fucking bathtub. That's a cause for concern if you ask me. "So if it's normal, why was she bleeding?"

She tilts her head as she picks up this horrible looking metal thing. Holy shit. "Well, it depends," she looks up at Maura and waits for a nod before she shoves the metal thing somewhere I'd rather not imagine, "They often enlarge during pregnancy from an increase in hormones," she focuses as she does something else I'm not thinking about, "and that makes them more susceptible to bleeding. It could also happen if you had just had intercourse within the past few hours."

Well, fuck. Of course we did. I look down at Maura and raise an eyebrow. "Why didn't you tell me I had hurt you?"

Her forehead creases and she shakes her head as she looks up at me. "You didn't."

I know she can't lie, but part of me still doesn't believe that. We'll just have to have a talk about that later. I narrow my eyes at her before looking at Amy. "So what do we do about it?"

Amy lightly laughs as she pulls out the thing. "Nothing. I'll have you come in for monitoring every few weeks. As long as they don't grow larger, everything will be perfectly fine," she says as she stands up. "They often detach during the delivery anyway, so we probably won't even have to remove them."

I really don't think either of them understand how fucking bad it was to see Maura like that. That is not perfectly fine with me. "Can't you keep her here for the rest of the night or something?"

Amy worriedly glances between us. "It's unnecessary, but if that would make you feel better—"

"—Jane," Maura looks up at me, clearly not liking that idea, "If everything is fine, I'm not staying."

I let go of her hand and cross my arms. I'm winning this. "You're staying."

She clenches her jaw and crosses her arms. "I'm not."

I tilt my head and take a deep breath. I want to make sure she's okay. "Maura..."

Her lip slightly trembles and her eyes water again. "Jane."

I sit down on the edge of the bed—facing her—and squeeze her leg. I'm not above begging. "Please? At least if you're here, you'll let me take care of you. If we go home, you won't let me." I drop my head and start rubbing my forehead. "I just want to make sure."

She mumbles something incomprehensible and I look up—surprised to see her crying. I mean I'm not above begging, but I didn't peg her for someone that _cried _to get what they wanted. I sigh. "What did you say?"

"I'll let you," she manages to get out between a couple of sobs, "I'll let you if you…take me home."

Her hands cover her face and her cries start to echo in the tiny room. I really don't see how she has any tears left. I turn to Amy—who is standing at the door staring at us—and nod towards the door. "Can you give us a minute?"

She slips out as I scoot up to the top of the bed and pry Maura's hands off her face. Her eyes are so swollen that she doesn't even look the same. Still beautiful, but not the same. I reach up and run my thumbs across her cheeks.

"What's wrong? I know it's more than what happened tonight." She bites her bottom lip to keep it from quivering and shakes her head. I move my hands up and start pushing some of the wispy hairs away from her face. "You stuck by me at my darkest, Maura, and I plan on doing the same for you. So _please _just tell me."

She sniffs and looks down at her hands. "It's my fault! If I hadn't…I've worked at least 15 hour days since I found out about my—Paddy. I wanted to prove that I was different than him." She looks up at me with an expression that makes me want to cry with her and wrap her up and make sure nothing ever happens to her again. "I wanted to show everyone that I was _better_ than him," she whispers before looking off to the floor. "And yet…I almost killed someone, too. It makes me _exactly_ like him."

I didn't expect her to say that at all. How did she push herself so hard for two weeks without me noticing? How did I let her spiral this far down? Damnit.

"Hey, look at me," I say as I place my fingers under her chin and guide her face back up. "This isn't your fault. You didn't cause whatever the hell those things are." I know exactly what they're called, but I might scare her to death if I actually use the right word. I drop my hand to her stomach and slowly rub circles across it. "You didn't almost kill someone either, Maur, and you know that. The baby is doing fine. You saw it, too."

She nods and I pull her hands back in mine. "Even if something had happened to it, you wouldn't be a murderer. I would never blame you for that."

I lean up and kiss her forehead as she nods again. "I swear I'd never blame you because stuff like that happens. It wouldn't make you a killer. You'll never be like him." I really hope she believes that. I don't want her to go the rest of her life second guessing herself. I drop my forehead against hers and close my eyes as she brings her hands up to my face. "I..I love you so much," my voice a thick and deep whisper as I fight off the tears I've been holding in for this whole fucking ordeal.

I don't know if I'm crying because I'm happy that they're both okay or because I'm upset that I let her believe she had something to prove. She never has anything to prove. Not to me anyway. Her lips press against mine again and again until I finally pull back and wipe at my eyes. I manage to smile as I stand up. "Ready to go home?"

…..

I walk into the bedroom to see Maura facing away from my side. Even when she goes to sleep that way, she always starts off by facing me. Weird. I crawl in behind her on my knees and peer down at her. "Are you mad?"

She turns her head to look up at me and smiles. "No. Lying on this side is more comfortable than the other."

"Does it hurt to lay on your back?"

Her forehead creases as she thinks. "Only if I stay in that position for long periods of time. Why do you ask?"

I shrug my shoulder with a timid grin. "I want you to. Only for a few minutes, promise."

She warily looks at me as she rolls over to lay flat on her back. I crawl down to her legs and start pulling her pants off. She looks down, eyebrows raised in concern. "Jane, we really shouldn't. Especially not after everything that's occurred tonight."

I look at her in mock disgust. "Ew, Maura. You're such a pervert. I would never have sex with you."

She raises her head to look down at me with a grin and rolls her eyes. "Oh, no. Of course you wouldn't."

Laughing, I throw her pants to the floor and crawl between her legs. I push her shirt up to the underside of her bra and then grab the froufrou butter lotion off the nightstand that she loves so much. Okay, not butter but it's fucking thick enough to be. Good thing it doesn't smell like it though. That'd be fucking gross.

I put some of it my hands and she hums in contentment as I slowly start rubbing it in on her stomach. Her eyes close as my fingers massage her sides, right above her underwear, her hips. She tenses and giggles as I hit a ticklish spot on her ribs. I kiss the middle of her stomach before I gently begin to rub the lotion in across her baby bump. She smiles and pinches my bicep without opening her eyes. "When did you get so sweet?"

I laugh as I put more lotion on my hands and move to her right thigh. "I'm always sweet." Her leg goes taut as I massage the upper inside of her leg. She makes it hard to_ not_ want to do her 24/7. I work my way to the outside of her leg and down to her knee. "The other day I read," one of her eyes pops open in mock surprise, "shut up. I do read…sometimes." I smile and work my way down to her slightly swollen calves. "Anyway, I read that stuff like this could keep you from waking up with leg cramps all the time."

I put some more lotion on my hands and start rubbing her foot. It's swollen too. I don't even see how she still manages to float around on four inch heels like it's not a big fucking deal. "I mean it's probably not true, but I thought I'd do it for you and see if it helped."

She props herself up by putting her hands under her head and looks at me with this smug as hell look. Oh shit. I know where this is going.

"Have you been reading the book I bought for you?"

Okay, yeah. I may or may not have been reading _What to Expect When You're Expecting. _It was a slow day at work. Well, that's my excuse anyway. I shake my head as I focus on rubbing lotion in on her other thigh. "You just have to rub it in, don't you?"

She laughs and nudges me with her knee. "No, that seems to be your job right now."

I never should've taught her how to joke around. She's smart enough to _always _have a fucking comeback. It does make me proud to know that she can hold her own now, though. I roll my eyes and smile—I don't even have anything to say back to her.

I'm almost done with her foot when she sighs and looks up at the ceiling. "I'm thinking about reducing the time I spend working. Perhaps only going in when the department _absolutely _needs me." She props herself up on her elbows and tilts her head—vulnerability written all over her face. "Is that okay with you?"

If that's what she wants, then she can do it. I don't want to control her decisions. That's not me. Not anymore. I crawl up and lay down beside her. She flips on her side and faces me. I tap the end of her nose and smile. "Am I opposed to you wanting to be my little woman? Definitely not."

She smacks my arm and grins. "Be serious!"

I shrug and try not to smile. "I am being serious, Maur. You can clean and cook for me every day." I grab her thigh and wrap her leg around me. "I can even yell 'Honey, I'm home' if you're into that."

She scoots a little closer to me and shakes her head. "I'm already responsible for the cleaning and cooking. Why not add the 'Honey, I'm home' bit, too? It only makes sense." She bites her lip and runs her fingers across my chest. "Although…I do have a fant—"

"—No," I point my finger at her, "if we can't do it, you're definitely not allowed to talk like that."

She puts on her best pouting face. "Fine."

Her eyes flick down to watch her fingers trace my jaw before she looks back up. "So you're okay with my decision to work less than usual?"

"As long as that will make you happy, yeah. Why wouldn't I be okay with it?"

She scoots in and pushes her forehead against my neck. "I thought you might feel as though it made me…incompetent."

Is she being serious right now? This _has _to be the hormones. "Are you kidding? You work harder than I do, you can run in fucking _heels_, and you're carrying our child. That doesn't sound very incompetent to me."

I wait for her response for a few seconds, but there's nothing but the light sound of her start-up snores. I cannot believe she fell asleep while we were talking. I mean, it _is_ after three in the morning so I guess she is exhausted after everything that's happened tonight. But still.

A loud, full blown man-snore makes me roll my eyes and throw the extra pillow over my ear. This is going to be a long fucking night. I pull her in closer, her snores reverberating against my chest. I'll gladly lay here as long as they're both here with me, though. I wouldn't have it any other way.

…..

….

Okay, this chapter is not so good but I tried!

It's not a sad as you thought it'd be, is it? Hoping for fluff? 'Cause it IS coming, I swear.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: thank you for the reviews! They make my semester from hell 3948203 times better! **

**You guys do realize that Control was only 27 chapters and this is going to be at least 94, right? Hope that's not a problem with anyone. And apparently my stories and I have been nominated on the rizzles award thing, so go vote for me maybe? (;**

**AND YOU GET TO FIND OUT THE GENDER OF THE RIZZLES BABE THIS CHAPTER kasjf;dkf**

**I counted every vote and this is what you all decided, so yay!**

…**.**

For the entire week she's been off work, she's been cleaning like a maniac on meth. But apparently, she was not feeling up to that today. My eyes go wide as soon as I see the coffee table in front of the couch.

Ice cream cartons, water bottles, and half full take out containers fill up every inch. Holy shit. Her stomach is going to give her hell later if she ate all that by herself. I walk beside the table and wave my hand over at it. "Did you have a party without me?"

She looks down at her belly and then at me with a slightly embarrassed grimace. "A party for two, perhaps?"

Dear God, this woman. I can't even help but laugh as her face turns a little red. There are even a shit ton of tissues wadded beside her on the couch. She _definitely _wasn't in a cleaning mood today. I start picking them up and scrunching them in my fist. She glances away from the tv after I almost have them all in my hand. "Those have mucous on them. My nose has been particularly runny today."

Well isn't that just fantastic. "Thanks for the warning, Maur."

She shrugs her shoulders. "Sorry."

No she isn't. I drop the tissues in an open take out box and glance down to see she's wearing a pair of my old softball socks that come up to her knees. She must not have given a single fuck today. "Really?"

Her face scrunches up. "I was cold."

Oh, that makes sense. "So…you didn't just go put on pants?"

She pouts and her shoulders slump. "I didn't want to go upstairs to get them! These were in the laundry room."

I roll my eyes with a grin as and then plop down beside her. She sniffs at the air and then turns to me— eyes a deep shade of green. Oh god. She crawls over to me and straddles my lap before leaning down and putting her face in the crook of my neck. "You smell so…_good_."

I just spent two hours playing basketball with Frankie. Outside. In May. Part of me highly doubts I smell good. "Um…thanks?"

Her tongue slowly licks up the side of my neck until she gets right under my ear. She slowly starts grinding against my lap as she nips and sucks her way across the other side—hot breath tickling my skin as moans tumble from her mouth. Her hips begin to rock slightly faster against my lap and she pulls back, flushed and already breathing harder. "Your pheromones are…highly arousing."

She tugs at the hem of my shirt and I raise my arms to help her pull it off. "Sometimes I wear your clothes while you're at work just so your smell is all around me," she licks her lips and her fingers skim down my stomach, "all over me."

She smiles so sexily I think I might die. She grabs my hand and pushes it against the fabric of her shorts—right between her legs. She's burning hot and I can already tell she's wet. It's all I can do not to moan as she pushes my hand harder against her. "It's addicting, really, the way that your scent alone," the muscles in her thighs tense as she slowly moves her hips back and forth against my fingers, "helps me imagine you deep inside me when you're not even here."

Damn. I'm definitely going to miss fucking Pregnant Maura. Her hands come up and squeeze my tits through my bra as she leans in a roughly pushes her lips to my mouth. She pushes me back harder into the cushions and I gasp—but it's not a good thing.

I pull back away from her mouth and start digging between the cushions behind my back until my hand wraps around something cold and hard.

I pull it out and shake my head in bewilderment.

It's a jar of black olives. What the hell.

I hold it up between us and she reaches up and grabs them. "I was wondering where those went."

Moment officially ruined. Damnit.

I scrunch up my face. "You don't even like olives."

Still straddling me, she tilts her head and shrugs. "Apparently I do now."

Her eyes flick up over my head and she gasps—pushing off me to stand up. "We're late! You need to take a shower while I get dressed."

I frown. I don't want to take a shower if we're late. Or if it means I can't do her on this couch while she's straddling me. This fucking sucks. I groan and sink further back into the cushions as I raise an eyebrow. "I thought you said I smelled good?"

She rolls her eyes and picks my shirt from the floor. "I may think you smell good, but I highly doubt the doctor will enjoy the scent of your sweat as much as I do." She reaches down and starts pulling on my arms until I stand up and then pushes me towards the stairs. "Hurry, we've got to be there in twenty five minutes."

Gaping, I stare at her. Across town? No fucking way that's gonna happen**.**

…

After a shower so quick the water didn't even heat up, we make it to the appointment. Only fifteen minutes late, might I add. Which is really a fucking miracle since Maura decided to change six different times before we left because _apparently_ being pregnant fucks with your 'skin's natural undertones' or something. I didn't know it was possible for someone to try and match skintones with their clothes. Leave it to Maura.

Amy walks in the door without knocking because the white wand of horror won't emerge today and Maura's fully dressed.

She sits on a stool by the bed and smiles that same over-happy smile she always does. "Hello, ladies! Has anything concerning happened since the scare last week?"

No because the closest I've gotten to getting in her pants since then was interrupted earlier by a jar of olives. Perfect.

Maura laces her fingers in mine and smiles. "No. Everything has been superb."

Minus the nine thousand calories of organic takeout food she ate today. I can't wait for how sick she's going to be later. Really, I'm ecstatic.

Ugh.

"Fantastic! Now, if you could lift your shirt up for me," she pulls out this tube of blue goop, "I'm just going to go ahead and get started." She aims the goo over Maura's stomach and smiles. "I wish we had ways to warm this stuff up, but unfortunately we do not. So brace yourself, this is going to be a little cold."

She squirts some on Maura's belly and simultaneously starts up the machine. Maura's fingers slightly flex in my hand as Amy spreads the gel with a different ultrasound wand. A soft whoosing sound fills the room and I put my hand in between Maura's eyes and the screen. She turns to look at me, eye brow raised.

"Are you going to know what it is before she tells us?"

She thinks for a brief second before sympathetically shrugging. "Most likely. I won't say anything if you'd rather I didn't."

Damn. The drawbacks of knocking up a superfreak genius I suppose. I rest my other arm on the bed above her head and lean down to kiss her. "Ah, it's fine. Just try not to pee on yourself when you figure it out," I say with a wink.

Oops, I forgot about Amy still being in here. Maura gasps and turns a little red. "I did not pee on myself! There's a difference in _almost_ and actually doing something." She scowls. "I told you not to tickle me to begin with."

Okay, yeah. She kind of did say that. I just enjoy messing with her sometimes. I shrug with a smirk. "Sorry."

She rolls her eyes and smiles. "No you're not."

Nope. Definitely not. I go to say something else, but then I remember Amy is still in the room. I look up and the image on the screen is moving and I have no idea what the hell any of it is. I refused to let Maura do the 3D ultrasound—that shit freaks me out. She keeps moving and pushing the wand before I finally see something that _could_ be the baby.

But it looks more like an alien. I tilt my head. "Huh."

Amy uses more pressure against Maura's stomach and looks up with a smile. "That's the top of the head," she points at it and smiles. It keeps moving and swishing until I can sort of see a face. She smiles and takes a still shot of the screen to print. "The baby is at an odd angle so I can't tell what it is yet. It'll move soon enough, though. I've never had to wait more than three or four hours."

My eyes go wide and I look down at Maura. There's no way in hell we are sitting here for four hours. Amy starts laughing and winks as I look back up at her. "Relax. I was just kidding. See?" She points at the screen as a different body part flits across the screen. "You have a very active baby. I'm just trying to get a good shot to make certain we know what it is."

I nod and keep watching the screen. "Have you ever told someone the wrong thing before?"

She uses her free hand to lightly push at the side of Maura's stomach. "Not in at least five years," she looks up at me and shrugs, "But yes, I have. It happens to the best of us."

I'm not too worried about that, though. Maura's too anal to let Amy take a guess be wrong.

Only a few seconds later and she quickly freezes the screen. Maura gasps—eyes watering with the biggest smile I've ever seen. I look down expectantly at her and she laughs, squeezing my hand and wiping the corner of her eye.

"It's," she lightly laughs, "it's a girl, Jane."

I look up at Amy for confirmation—like Maura would ever be wrong—and she nods. I feel like my smile is going to split my fucking face open. I'm going to show her how to play baseball and hockey and—wait.

I'm having a girl.

A girl with Maura fucking Isles.

I can see the pink frilly lace explosion now.

Shit.

This is going to be harder than I thought.

…

…

Okay, yes I know it's short but I had a REALLY hard time getting this one out.

My next one has me cracking up already, though. I hope you have your sense of humor ready!


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Yay for your reviews/alerts/favorites! I love that you're liking this. (:**

**I don't think I wrote anything offensive this chapter, but if I did…oops. **

…

Lamaze.

Why the fuck do we need to go to Lamaze? I'm pretty sure Maura knows more about this than the woman standing in front of me. I really don't think she's brushed her hair since 1986. Or her teeth.

Fantastic.

"I'm so glad you've decided to join us," she says as she thrusts her hand out towards me.

I look down at it and then back up at her. I have no problems with Maura or the woman who's going to grope her vagina during birth touching my hands. But other people? No fucking thanks. I grin and shove my hands in my blazer pockets. "Nowhere else I'd rather be," I say with a sarcastic smile.

Yeah fucking right. I'd rather be back at work. Or at home watching the game with a beer in my hand.

Hell, I'd even rather be on one of our 4 hour grocery store trips where Maura reads every label to make sure every ingredient is FDA approved.

That's how little I want to be here right now.

Maura scowls at me before reaching out and shaking her hand. Hell has frozen over. Maura has become a germ Nazi since I knocked her up. I cannot believe she just did that.

But as soon as we walk away, she pulls out a tube of hand sanitizer and dumps nearly half the thing in her palm.

That's more like it.

I laugh and help ease her down on a mat in the middle of the room. I sit down next to her and she glares one more time for good measure. "You don't have to be such a bitch, Jane. She was merely trying to be polite."

I raise my eyebrows and scoff. "Yeah, I'm _sure _she didn't see you immediately douse your hands in GermX, either. That's definitely how to _not_ act like a stuck-up bitch."

Oh, boy. Line has definitely crossed. She gasps in shock and her eyebrows shoot up before turning away and looking straight ahead. Damnit. I'm in deep shit now

"Maura, c'mon. You know I didn't mean—"

She throws her hand up between us without turning her face. Fuck.

She'll talk to me eventually, I guess.

I watch as a _very _pregnant woman waddles in with her husband. He's attractive—I'm gay, not blind—but I can already tell what an ass he is. His wife struggles to get down on the floor and he stands behinds her with his arms crossed, doing nothing to help.

I'm pretty sure that once your pregnant wife reaches Beached Whale status that you should probably help her _at least_ a little bit. What a fucking douche.

As soon as he sits down on the side closest to me, he looks over and smiles. "Hey. Not many people would willingly come to one of these classes with a friend," he winks, "I guess that just goes to show how perfect you are."

Wait. Is he being serious? Tommy even has better pickup lines than that. Not to mention he isn't married to a pregnant chick. I can't even imagine how his wife puts up with this shit every day.

I snarl in disgust as I hold up my hand and point at my ring. "She's my wife, asshole. You have one, too, in case you forgot."

He looks at his wife—who's unfortunately talking on the phone and hearing none of this—before looking back over at me with a smirk on his face. "I'm sure she'd be up for it if, ya know," he shrugs, "you want to join us sometime or something."

Not only would I love to cheat on Maura, I would _definitely_ love to cheat on her with an asshole and a woman so pregnant she can't even see her feet.

That's definitely my definition of fun.

I roll my eyes and pull off my blazer before pointing at the gun on my side. Maura's probably going to get mad about that later, too, since she explicitly told me not to bring it. Oh fucking well. His eyebrows raise and he looks back up at my face.

"If you would ever like to have any more kids, I'd suggest you shut the fuck up. Not only are you disrespecting your relationship, you're disrespecting mine." I raise my eyebrows and point at him. "And that is _not _something I put up with. Got it?"

Embarrassed as fuck, he averts his eyes to the floor and meekly nods. Bastard.

Maura pulls me from my stare-down with the side of his head by grabbing my arm. I turn around to see a grin plastered to her face. At least she isn't mad anymore.

She puts her hand over her heart and sighs. "Jane…that was the sweetest thing you've done all day."

I guess she forgot about how I brought her flowers, rubbed her feet, and came to this stupid class. Oh, well. I highly doubt bringing any of that up will help my cause.

Not to mention that threatening to blow someone's balls off isn't normally categorized as _sweet_.

That's Maura for you, though.

I kiss her on the cheek—thanking God I'm already on her good side again—as Miss Frizz walks in front of the room. She introduces herself as Sarah—Miss Frizz was close, alright?—before asking if anyone has any questions.

A young girl in the front of the room is the only one to raise her hand and speak. "Is walking a good way to start labor or, like…not? I don't want to sign up for P.E next semester if it isn't because of, like, getting sweaty hair for no reason."

Sarah keeps a straight face—I'll give her that, I know I couldn't—as she nods. "It has been shown to help, yes." She looks around the room and smiles. "Another way that often helps induce labor is for your partner to," she rams one finger into her other fist, "saturate your cervix with semen."

Holy shit. What have we gotten ourselves into?

I look at Maura with a straight face and shrug as I hold out my hands and wiggle my fingers. "Sorry, Maur. Looks like I'm all out of that."

She playfully smacks my arm and rolls her eyes. "It was a bad idea to bring you to this, wasn't it?"

"Absolutely."

She reaches up and places a hand on my cheek. "At least you always manage to make things colorful."

I almost make a crack about how that's because I'm a lesbian, but she pulls me in for a quick kiss before I can. She slowly pulls back as someone stops in front of us.

It's Sarah.

Holding out a fake pregnancy belly for me to take.

No fucking way.

I shake my head and wave my hand out in front of me. "No thanks. I'd rather not."

She scowls and throws it on my lap anyway before walking over to the next couple. Holy shit, it weighs at least ten pounds. I hold it up in front of me and stare at it.

It has fake boobs and everything.

I look over at Maura and frown. "Do I have to?"

I don't ask. I whine.

She tries so hard not to smile, but fails and shakes her head. "I'd really rather you didn't. I don't believe I'd be able to take you seriously."

Yeah, no. Definitely not putting that on.

I push it off to the side as she tells the 'mothers to be' to sit between our legs and lean back against us. Maura does and I look down.

Fuck.

I can see straight down her blouse.

I really wish I had on that fucking empathy belly so she wasn't pressed so tight against my chest. It's all I can do not to reach up and grab her tits.

Fuck this fucking Lamaze class.

The instructor sits cross-legged in front of us and clears her throat. "Now I would like you all to practice breathing techniques. They will help ensure your labor will run smoothly and without incident."

I don't really think that's how it works, but okay.

She demonstrates what she wants all the women to do—well besides me and the one other lesbian in here—and sets a timer.

It only takes about 5 seconds before all the "hoo hoo haa haa" noises are too much for our maturity level. Everyone seriously sounds like a bunch of fucking apes. Maura start giggling as she breathes and I push my lips together and try not to laugh.

That doesn't work out very well for me.

I drop my face down to Maura's head to try and hide as people start turning and staring at us. Shit.

Thankfully, the timer goes off a few seconds later and I manage to stop laughing and lift my head.

Everyone is still staring.

This _cannot_ get any worse.

But, it does.

The instructor clears her throat and turns on some foreign music or something. "Now, I would like everyone to close their eyes. Imagine…imagine you're in the ocean." All I can imagine is Maura in a bikini. Not helping me relax. "Pretend you see a fish swim up to you and swirl around your legs. Now imagine that fish is your unborn child."

Wait, what? I open one eye and peek down at Maura. The grin plastered on her face is almost as big as mine. Sarah clears her throat and I snap my eyes closed again.

"Now, I want you to tell him about yourself…tell her how much you're looking forward to meeting her. Shake her fins, rub his face." She hums. "Very good everyone. That's it."

Is she high?

Now all I can do is imagine Maura in a bikini trying to wrestle a shark.

Why is our child a shark? Why is Maura wrestling it?

I don't think this is how I'm supposed to be doing it.

I start laughing to myself and Sarah clears her throat.

I guess it wasn't just to myself.

"Okay, now say goodbye to your baby fish as you slowly float away into the sky. You're slowly floating and floating until you're finally back in this room. Good. You may now open your eyes."

I look around to see everyone smiling, except it's not like I am. It's like they _enjoyed_ it. Maura looks up at me, eyes wide. I can't even wait to hear what she was imagining.

Sarah smiles and stands. "Since everyone is nice and relaxed, I would like all the expectant mothers to get on their hands and knees while their partners kneel behind them."

Maura reluctantly gets into position and looks over her shoulder at me as I crawl between her legs on my knees. She tries to keep a straight face, but then her ass hits my crotch and we both have to look away to keep from laughing.

Only problem is, I look over at the bastard beside us and he's purposely rolling his hips against his poor wife's ass. Her face is burning red from being so embarrassed. Hell, I would be too.

He looks over at me—as I try to cover up my laugh with a cough—and does this wink/nod combination thing.

Dear God. We are never coming back to one of these. I swear Maura picked the class for horny men and pot smokers.

Suddenly, the lights dim and I can't handle it anymore. I bend over flush against Maura's back so I can whisper in her ear.

"All we need is some Marvin Gaye and a few candles and this would be exactly like our six month anniversary."

She has to clap one hand over her mouth to contain herself. This is beyond weird. Even the couple on the other side of us is now having laughing fits. I don't see how people can take this seriously.

I lean back up as Sarah gets in a kneeling position in the front of the room. "Now I want your partners to start massaging your hips in a gentle, soothing motion."

This lady _has _to be doing this just to watch us squirm. Everyone starts looking around to see how fucking uncomfortable everyone looks and Sarah mistakes it for confusion.

"Don't worry, she'll let you know if she wants it harder," she says in what I swear is a seductive voice.

And that's when I really lose it.

The tone of her voice, the music, Maura's ass accidentally grinding back against me…it's just too much. I don't just laugh, I snort.

And then Maura starts laughing like a 12 year old girl.

I'm not sure if I want to keep laughing or die of embarrassment. At least some people in the back are laughing now, too.

How could you not?

I finally just drop down to where I'm sitting beside Maura and shake my head. "I'm sorry, " I keep laughing, "I can't."

Smiling, she nods and sits facing me. "Me either. This is very…awkward. I was told this was going to be much more informative." She looks around the room as people start dropping out of the doggy style position. "It was more like a major waste of time."

I laugh and squeeze her thigh. "Nah. No time I get to spend with you is ever wasted." I shrug my shoulders and smirk. "Besides, I even got to grind on your ass in public. That was pretty great, too, I guess."

She rolls her eyes and smiles before grabbing my arm as Sarah stands up. She looks at me, eyebrows raised. "Would you mind—"

"—If we left now?" I shake my head. "No. Definitely not. I have a feeling she wants everyone to get naked pretty soon anyway." I look over at the guy still slowly rubbing himself up on his wife's butt. "I'd rather not be here for that."

She quickly grabs her purse and I help her stand before we make our way across the room—ignoring the stares of everyone. She looks at me and teasingly bites her lip. "You don't want me to get naked?"

I laugh as I hold the door open for her. "Oh, no. I definitely do." I grab her butt as we walk down the hallway towards the car. I can't even help myself. I pull her closer to me and kiss her temple. "I expect you to be completely naked in 16 minutes."

As soon as we get to the car, I push her up against it and kiss right below her ear before I pull back. "And I mean in _exactly_ 16 minutes."

She audibly swallows before parting her lips and nodding. When Maura says it'll be done, it'll be done. It almost makes me feel bad for her.

Especially since it takes 19 minutes to get home even when I speed.

She's going to have a hell of a time explaining this one to our neighbors.

…

…

Yes, these things do happen at some weird lamaze classes sometimes apparently. I almost died after I found out.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I'm glad you liked the last chapter. (:**

**This one is more dialogue-centered than the other chapters and I don't really like it, but it was the only way I could think about writing it. And, I hope I don't offend anyone with the latter half of this. D:**

…

After I finally get home from work, I walk up the stairs and look around for Maura. It's not until I get to the recently-emptied guest room that I find her.

Staring at pink patches of paint on the wall in front of her.

No fucking way.

"Maura, no. Don't even think about it."

She looks at me and tilts her head. "Why not?"

I wave my arm at them and raise my eyebrows. "They're…they're_ pink_!"

She shakes her head and starts pointing at different splotches. "No, this one is begonia, this one is rose, this one is—"

"—Pink. They're all pink." There's absolutely no way that I'm letting her do this.

She frowns. "Girls generally like pink."

"That's an assumption."

Her mouth drops open in offense. "No it isn't."

"Yes it is," I point at my chest, "_I_ hate pink."

She shrugs. "I said generally."

Damnit. She's got me there. "Whatever. But still, no. Pick another color. Like red or something."

She frowns before pointing at a deep shade of _rose. _"I like this one quite a lot."

"Mauruhhh," I whine as I cross my arms, "I'm putting my foot down on this. Pick another color."

She puts on her 'I know I'll get whatever I want' pout. "But it would go so nicely with the bed I ordered."

Oh god. This is going to be a disaster.

"You ordered a bed?"

"What else am I supposed to do while I'm home alone?"

I guess she _could _be doing worse things than ordering 12 thousand dollar beds or some shit. I look at her, warily. "What kind of bed? I swear to God if it's a pink canopy bed," I glare, "I WILL set it on fire."

She rolls her eyes. "Of course not. I've heard you complain about that enough to know better."

So that means this is _worse _than a pink canopy bed. Fucking great. I wait for her to tell me what it is, but she doesn't. This is bad.

I raise my eyebrows. "Well? What is it then?"

She bites her lip before looking back at the wall. "A crib..."

Oh god. I can tell it isn't _just_ a crib by the way she says it. "What _kind _of crib?"

She timidly looks back at me. "A crib in the shape of a carriage…"

Great. Our kid is going to be sleeping in a carriage with pink walls. The only thing worse would be if Maura decided to put pink carpet down.

I honestly wouldn't put it past her.

I shake my head and cross my arms again. I'm winning this one. "Cancel it. She's not having a pink room and she's _not _having a fucking carriage crib."

She tilts her head and glares. "It's either the paint or the bed, Jane."

I defiantly shrug. "Neither."

Shit. She just pulled out the 'oh, really?' face. She takes a step closer to me so we're almost touching. "I don't believe I gave you that option…Or do you actually _want _to sleep on the couch for the next three and a half months?"

Damnit. One for Maura and none for me. Pissed, I roll my eyes and huff. "Fine. The bed." I start to walk out the door before turning back and pointing at her and narrowing my eyes. "But it better not be pink."

By the grin on her face, I already know that it is. I swear to God I can never win with her.

If I'm not allowed to pick anything out in the room, I _am _going to pick out what we have for dinner at least. I'm waiting on the water to boil when she finally comes downstairs—dressed in some tight as hell yoga pants that make me want to grab her ass—before sitting down on a barstool at the counter with a her computer.

I hope she isn't planning on telling me about the history of paint colors or something because that'd be about as boring as…well, watching paint dry. I start working on forming the gnocchi balls for a few minutes before she finally clears her throat.

"Jane, would you be opposed to giving our child an Italian name?"

At least she isn't talking about paint. But this isn't much better. I'll try and go along with it as much as I can, but I already know this won't end well. I swear she's just looking to start a fight today.

"Not if that's what you want," I shrug and start dropping some of the gnocchi in the water. "I bet Ma would really like that, too."

I look over my shoulder at her and she smiles. "She will?"

It's hard to _not _give her anything when she looks at me like that. I nod and smile back. "Yeah, of course she will."

She gleefully does this weird silent golf clap thing before clicking something on her computer and slipping on some glasses.

Holy shit. If there wasn't boiling water on this stove, she'd definitely be in for it right now. Damnit. Why have I never seen those before?

She looks up at me and gives me the 'I'm so glad you're whipped and I get what I want' smile. "I've already compiled a list of names from Italian decent that you will hopefully find acceptable."

Great. I'm glad I agreed with this, because if I hadn't…she obviously still would've made me agree anyway. This woman is going to be the death of me.

I grab a pot to start making the sauce in. "Alright, tell me what you've got so far."

"Okay, how about Allegra?"

I scoff and turn to her incredulously. "Like the medicine? Really?"

Her mouth opens and closes. "No, It means—Okay, that's obviously not an option for you. How about Adrianna?"

Hmm..it's nice. I can see that. "What's it mean?"

She can tell that I like it and grins. "It means 'from Hadria' which is—"

"—A city in Italy. Yeah, yeah, I know," I turn back to stir the sauce a little. "What's next?"

"Arianna. It means 'chaste; very holy.'"

I turn back to look at her and furrow my brow. "Can she be holy if she's going to be our gayby?"

She gasps in offense and puts one hand on her stomach. "Jane! Do not call our child a gayby."

I'm surprised she even knew what that meant. "Her parents are two women, Maura." I shrug before turning back around. "Kinda makes her our gayby," I murmur. She hears it anyway.

She huffs and I can basically _hear _her eyes rolling from behind me. "Moving on."

I figure it's probably time to give her my full attention, so I lean back on the counter to face her as she scrolls down her page before looking up. "Bambi?"

Oh dear God. It's all I can do not to laugh. "Bambi? Like the deer whose mother got killed?"

She tilts her head and her brow knits as she thinks. "I'm not sure if I understand that pop culture reference."

This means we'll probably watch it later, which means she'll probably cry those pregnancy tears that never seem to stop. Great. I shake my head and wave her on. "Well it's not a good one, trust me."

She exaggeratedly nods before looking back down. "Bianca?"

I do laugh at that. "You can't pick an Italian name that means _white_! That defeats the whole purpose of choosing an Italian name."

I can tell she's already getting flustered. "You like making this difficult, don't you?"

I smirk. "It's more fun this way, don't you think?"

She glares. "Not particularly, no." She deletes the name from her list and keeps going. "Bella is nice, isn't it?"

I raise my eyebrows. I know this probably didn't come from a baby book. "Like _Bella Swan_?" I tilt my head and give her a shit-eating grin. "Have you been on Netflix without me again?"

A blush creeps up her chest and she looks at me, wide eyed. "Your mother said it was a good movie!" She glares at my laughter. "I found it to be highly inaccurate," she murmurs under her breath.

Of course she did. I swear she should never be allowed on Netflix. If it isn't a documentary or a dumb teen movie Ma has coerced her into watching, she's watching some weird shit called _Hittin' It_ because she wanted an 'inside look' at the lives of domestic abuse victims.

That movie was _not _about domestic violence, let me tell you. I've never seen so much ass during a movie that wasn't porn in my entire life.

I'm going to have to set up parental controls for her instead of the kid, I can already tell. I shake my head with a grin and motion for her to keep going.

"Okay, perhaps Carrie?"

I scrunch up my face. "Like that girl who went apeshit and killed everyone at prom? No thanks."

She doesn't even bother to look up from the screen now. "Geltrude?"

Wow. This is going great. "Are you seriously just picking the worst names to see if I'll cave?"

She huffs as she gets more flustered. I know I shouldn't be this difficult, but I'm not giving my child a horrible name to live with forever. "Giovanna?"

I shake my head and pretend to gag. "No. I went to school with a Giovanni…dumber than a fucking rock."

She lets out a frustrated growl. Literally fucking growls. "Fine. What about Margherita?"

She can't be serious right now. This just keeps getting worse. "You're shitting me, right?"

She raises her head and gives me _the look_. The 'I'm going to make you sleep on the couch for the next year and never have sex with you again' look. It's probably time for me to back off just a little bit. I'm going to agree with the next one, no questions asked.

Thank God it's Mia. I can actually handle that. I turn back to finish cooking and tell her to keep going—even though I'd rather just stop before this gets out of hand. No such luck.

"Do you like the name Nunziatella?"

I look over my shoulder and grimace. "That reminds me of Catholic nuns and Nutella. I had bad experiences with both, so..."

She squints her eyes and scrunches her nose. "How did you have a bad experience with Nutella? Isn't it only a chocolate hazelnut spread?"

I halfway turn around and point at her. "Don't ask, alright? It's something you _really_ don't want to know."

That's a story I definitely do not want to tell. She stares at me for a second before laughing and looking down. I'll probably have to tell her later anyway. Fantastic.

"Nico means 'victorious people.' Is _that_ name up to your standards, Jane?"

Now she's gotten into her teasing mode. Pregnant Maura flips back and forth so quickly it makes me dizzy sometimes. I turn back around to hide my smile. "Yeah, I _guess_ that's up to my standards."

I can imagine the grin on her face. "Vanna?"

I raise my eyebrows and turn the heat down on the stove. "Oh, like Vanna White? I used to have the hots for her when I was younger."

She makes a disapproving sound. "Well, that's no longer an option. Perhaps Zita? It means 'girl,' so you really can't have a good reason to disagree with it."

She's got me there. I nod and then turn back to face her. "Anything else?"

She shakes her head and shuts the computer. "No, that's all I have for now. Are there any names you would like to add?"

Uh, well no. I honestly haven't even thought about it. She's only 21 weeks, for fuck's sake. "No, you did good," I smile as an apology for being so difficult, "Did you pick out any middle names?"

She tilts her head and tries to look serious. "Perhaps Tangerine? It's closely related to the Clementine, so I thought perhaps we could," she does a cute shoulder shake and winks, "start a family tradition."

Payback is a bitch. I glare and try not to smile as I point at her. "That's enough outta you, Dorothy. I'll ship you back to Kansas if you don't behave."

She blankly stares at me. "You can't possibly send me _back _to Kansas if I've never been, Jane." Then she scowls. "Dorothy isn't even my middle name."

Shit. I forgot how clueless she can be when it comes to normal people stuff. I laugh and stick my finger in the sauce before licking it. It's all I can do not to moan out loud. "Oh my god, this is so good. You're gonna shit your pants when you try it."

Appalled, she grimaces. "That's usually not my definition of _good_, Jane."

I laugh and shake my head. She can be so fucking literal sometimes. I put some on a plate and then set it in front of her before leaning over and kissing her. "Besides, no Rizzoli-Isles of mine is going to be named after a fruit. _Any _fruit. It's mortifying."

Her eyebrows shoot up as high as they can go. "Don't you mean _Isles-Rizzoli_?"

I can't help but scoff. "No, I mean Rizzoli-Isles."

Now she glares. "Isles-Rizzoli. It's even in alphabetical order, which is only logical."

I cross my arms and stand up straight. "Rizzoli-Isles. It's in…anti-alphabetical order."

She shakes her head and frowns. "That doesn't even…I'm not dignifying that with an answer."

I wag my eyebrows and smile. "Rizzoli-Isles sounds better, admit it."

She makes a 'hmph' noise before getting up and marching off to the couch.

One point for me, none for her.

…

After finally coercing her to eat—which honestly didn't take that long since she's become a human vacuum—I settle in on the couch to watch some weird bacterium documentary Maura recorded last week to watch with me.

I can hardly contain my excitement.

After twenty minutes of a voice—that sounds conspicuously like Morgan Freeman—narrating a microscopic slide of something I couldn't care less about, Maura scoots over and lays her head down on my lap. At least this makes this dumbass show a little more bearable.

I run my fingers through her hair and watch a small grin form on her face. This never fails to make her smile. After a few minutes, I start tracing her cheek, her nose, her lips, and her neck. Every so often she shivers when I hit a particularly sensitive spot.

It's only when I get down to her arm that I almost jerk my hand back. I mean, I read that pregnant women start sprouting hair all over the place but this is fucking ridiculous. My eyes widen and I look back at her face. "Holy shit, Maura. You feel like a monkey."

She turns her head to face me and her mouth drops down in shock. "I do not!"

I point at her arm. It's definitely hairier than normal. Blonde hair, but still more of it. She sits up and looks down at her arm before looking back at me—pissed as hell. "Well I hope you're happy, Jane. Have fun not touching me for the remainder of the evening."

I roll my eyes. "Oh, Maura, c'mon."

She's having none of it. "I'm serious. Until you learn to have a little more tact, you're not allowed to touch me."

My eyebrows shoot up. "Wow, Maura. Why don't you tell me how you _really_ feel?"

She shrugs. "Okay. You're crude, insensitive, belligerent, and often sarcastic to the point of bitchiness."

I gasp. And I'm the insensitive one?

"Well then. I'm sleeping on the couch tonight."

She bitterly laughs before standing up. "Good. You kick in your sleep, anyway."

I point at her and stand up too. "Well…Well, you snore!"

She raises an eyebrow before turning and walking up the stairs. No 'goodnight' or 'I love you' or anything. That's a first.

And I can't say that I like it one bit.

I drop back down on the couch and rest my head in my hands. This fucking sucks. But there's no way in Hell I'm saying I'm sorry first. No fucking way.

…

I lay on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. _Why _did we already move the bed out of the guest room? _Why _in the fucking world did I _offer _to sleep on the couch?

This fucking sucks. Still.

I try to count backwards from 1000, but sleep won't come. I sigh and flop on my side. Maybe I should just go back up there and say I'm sorry. Surely she wouldn't _really _kick me out.

Just as I'm about the pull the blanket off myself, I hear our bedroom door slowly creak open.

Looks like I'm not the only one that can't sleep.

I close my eyes and try to control my breathing—Maura can tell if someone's asleep just by looking at them because she's too smart for her own damn good. I manage to breathe slow, even breaths as she climbs down the stairs and stands by the couch looking down at me.

If it wasn't 100 percent sure it was Maura, I'd be freaking the hell out. This is like some horror movie shit. I can _feel _her staring. Her fingers lightly dance down the side of my face and she kneels in front of me.

"Jane," she whispers.

I don't move. I am _not _going to let her know that I was lying awake down here, too.

She pushes back some hair out of my face and then starts to rub my arm. "Jane," she says, barely louder.

Still not opening my eyes. Nope, no way. I want her to think this was the best fucking sleep I've ever had in my entire life.

She sighs and she shoves me so hard on my shoulder that I end up flat on my back. My eyes open in shock and I sit up and wave my arms out at her. "What the hell, Maura? Are you _trying_ to kill me?"

She frowns. "Of course not. I…I just can't sleep without you."

Should I tell her I can't either?

Nah.

I stand up and help her to her feet. "Alright, let's go to bed."

I silently follow her up the stairs and into the bedroom. When I turn back around from shutting the door, she's already pulling off her clothes and is crawling onto the bed.

Oh god. I know what this means.

Makeup sex.

As I walk over to the bed, I pull off my shirt and clumsily pull off my pants before climbing to where I'm hovering above her in the middle of the bed. Our tits rub together as I lean down to give her a kiss and she moans, fingers instantly digging into my back. I pull back and smile down at her. "I like it when you let me make it up to you like this."

Her eyes darken and she licks her lips. "I like it when you fuck me."

Her voice is deep, raspy…seductive. It's all the incentive I need.

I move my mouth to her neck—licking, sucking, biting as she starts breathing harder. One hand tweaks roughly at her nipple until she cries out and pushes my hand away. I guess her tits still aren't ready for that. I move back up to her mouth and kiss her as my hand trails down her stomach between her legs.

She moans into my mouth as my fingers start rubbing her clit—quickly, slowly, roughly—until her hips jerk off the bed to try and meet my hand. I stop and pull back to look her in the eyes. "This won't—"

"—Jane, just fuck me. Please," she begs, hips pushing up against my hand again. Since the one time with the hospital visit, I always ask to be sure and she always says it'll be fine, so I trust that it is. I kiss her again and bite at her bottom lip before pushing my tongue inside her mouth as two of my fingers push inside of her.

She so tight that I slowly thrust into her a few times to get her ready and her nails claw at my back. I pull back from her mouth and move so she can bring her legs up to my shoulders. I get to go deeper, harder, faster and that's how she likes it.

I lean down and lick at her nipple as I speed up my hand inside her. Her eyes close and her hands grip at the sheets. So fucking beautiful.

The noises from how wet she is fill the room as I push harder into her. It's almost enough to make me come on the spot. I'll never get enough of this.

"Why...weren't we…doing …this earlier," I manage to get out as I thrust so hard between my words that the headboard hits against the wall.

Beads of sweat have formed on her temples and her chest heaves up and down with each breath. "We could have," she bites her lip to keep from crying out, "if you, ah…weren't so damn,"she gasps, "stubborn."

I barely manage to get out an airy laugh. She's just as stubborn and we both know it. I keep pushing into her hard and fast until she tries to start a counter-rhythm against me and she starts to barely clench around my fingers. That's when I know she's close.

I slowly pull out of her and she whimpers as she opens her eyes. "I was…almost there," she manages to pant out.

I smirk. "Yeah, I know. I'll get you there."

She smiles before nodding and closing her eyes again. "You better."

I roll my eyes with a grin before moving down her body until I'm in between her legs. I wrap my arms around her thighs and move in closely to take one long lick against the length of her. Her thighs tense and I do it again and again until she tries to push herself harder against my face.

I pull back just far enough to speak. "You taste so good, Maura. I love doing this to you."

Instead of answering—because talking like that turns her on more than anything—she puts her hands in my hair and roughly pulls me back against her. So impatient.

But I like it.

I suck her clit into my mouth and used my tongue to tap against it just the way she likes it. Her head lolls to the side and her fingers wrap in my hair so hard it almost hurts. I smile against her and release her clit before using my tongue to trace a figure eight around it.

Her back arches off the bed briefly before she falls back down and pulls me harder against her. "Theretherethere,"she moans out as her legs fall open wider.

My tongue moves faster and faster against her clit until her thighs squeeze against my head and her hips jerk off the bed as she literally cries out my name.

It's erotic. Arousing. Beautiful.

I work her down until her hand weakly pushes me back. I wipe my mouth against her thigh before crawling back to where I'm hovering above her. Her eyes are still shut and she's breathing heavy as she tries to calm herself down.

How in the world did I get so fucking lucky?

I trail kisses along her jawline to her lips. She finally opens her eyes and gives me a satisfied smile. "I love you."

I laugh and kiss her again before pulling back. "I love you, too. You're amazing."

She smirks and her eyes gleam. "Your tongue is amazing."

Well, so much for my sweet mood.

I go to say something sarcastic, but she pushes one of her thighs between mine and I gasp at it comes up completely against me. I almost forgot how turned on I was just from watching her. She mischievously smiles and rubs her thumbs across my nipples. "I want to watch you come on my leg," she licks her lips and roughly palms my tits. "Do you think you can do that for me?"

Hell fucking yes I can. I nod and put my hands on her chest for leverage. "Is this okay?"

She shakes her head and moves my hands down so they're directly on _her _tits before smiling again. "That's better."

God. This woman is going to be the death of me.

I lean down and kiss her as I slowly start moving against her leg before pulling back to look down at her. There's no need to go fast, I won't last long anyway.

I feel the sweat forming on my chest, my back with every stroke against her leg. My mouth parts open as I start to pant as I get closer and closer. My fingers squeeze against her tits as I for more leverage as I start working faster against her.

I feel the burn, the tingle building up but it's not quite right, not quite there. I shake my head without stopping my movements. "Tense…tense your leg. I can't if you—oh shit," I groan out as she tenses her leg and pushes it more firmly against me.

I grind harder, faster against her and my eyes threaten to close but her hands come up to my cheeks. "No, I want to watch you," she whispers, "Please?"

And how can I deny that?

I keep my eyes focused on her as I bring myself closer and closer to the edge until I finally come. Her eyes stay locked on my face as I tense and bring myself down against her leg. I do this until I get tired—until it's too much—and I collapse onto the bed beside her.

She smiles and rolls on her side to face me before reaching out and tracing along my cheek bones with her fingertips. "That was breathtaking. You always look so exposed, so vulnerable." She scoots closer so that she can rest her head on my chest above my heart. "I just love that you can be that way with me after everything you've been through. It makes me feel…honored that you're not afraid of showing that side of yourself to me."

I smile and wrap my arm around her to rub my fingers along her back. "You get to see every part of me, Maura. The good, the bad...you name it. Unfortunately it's more bad than good some days because I can be _bitchy, crude, _and _belligerent_…but I do always try to give you the good when I can."

She laughs against my chest and looks up at me. "I'm sorry for calling you those things. They're not true _all _of the time."

I roll my eyes and pinch at her side. "Aww, Maura, you are just _so _sweet."

She goes to say something, but her eyes go wide and her hand rests against her stomach. Holy shit, not again.

I sit up and look down at her, panicked. "Did I hurt you? We are never having sex again. Never. I don't care what you say, we are _not _doing it ever again. Even if you wear that thing I like so much, we still aren't," I finally take a deep breath and notice she's smiling even though there is a tear rolling down her cheek. "Why are you smiling? Doesn't it hurt? Shouldn't we go to the hospital?"

She laughs and shakes her head. "No," she reaches up with her free hand and grabs mine, "I felt her kick, Jane."

My eyes go wide as she presses my hand against her stomach. "You…you did?"

She gives me a watery smile as we sit still and wait for it to happen again. I stare at her stomach like that's magically going to make her kick again.

We only have to wait a few minutes before I finally feel it. It's not like I thought it would be. I was expecting like a hard ass thump or something, but it's more like a tiny fluttering against my hand.

I look up at Maura—with watery eyes now, too—and smile so big it almost hurts. "That was…wow."

She nods and tries not to cry. "I know," she barely shakes her head as another tear slides down her face, "Wow."

It looks like we've been melted into a puddle of 'wow's. I'm okay with that though. I'm just so fucking happy.

I lay back down beside Maura and she rolls so I can push my front against her back. I wrap my hand around her and rest it on her stomach as I kiss her shoulder. This is amazing…surreal.

Just…wow.

…

…

…

**Sorry my smut seems to have gotten bad since the last time I wrote it. /: And look up baby carriage cribs. SO CUTE.**

**But, I'd like to hear your thoughts if you're willing to share them—because this is over 5000 words and took me forever, alright? So…get on it please.**

**If not, that's okay too. (:**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: I'm glad so many of you liked the last chapter! A couple of you addressed something that I was working up to (why are you guys so smart? Geez. Ruining all my surprises) so I rearranged a few chapters and boom. Here it is. **

**Not **_**too**_** fluffy. But the next one is. Yay!**

…

Dinner at Ma's after a 12 hour shift is bound to leave me in a horrible mood.

Add that to the ever present Nag-fest that has been Maura Isles this week and I'm pretty much doomed.

That woman has _got_ to go back to work soon. She needs something to keep her busy besides just me.

Tommy walks up to Maura in the kitchen and his eyebrows shoot up as looks down at her stomach. "Whoa. You're bigger every time I see ya."

Well, no shit. There's a fucking baby growing in there, dumbass.

And she isn't even that big yet.

I roll my eyes before I see his hand start inching out to touch her stomach. Oh shit.

She hates it when people—besides me or sometimes Ma— touch her stomach without asking. Hell, she even hates it when they _do _ask. Especially when they stare her in the eye and give her a weird, awkward grin like they're having a special moment with her.

Um, no. There is _no_ special moment. It's just creeping her the fuck out.

I mean, why in the hell would you rub someone's stomach while they're pregnant if you wouldn't if they weren't?

I'll never understand that. It's fucking weird.

Maura reaches out and pushes his hand away before it can touch her. Dumbfounded, he looks up at her and she gives him 'I'm trying to be polite' smile. "I'm sorry, Tommy, but I'm already sharing my body on the inside and I'd prefer not to share it on the outside too."

Ouch.

One for Maura, none for Tommy.

Flustered—and more than embarrassed—he backs out of the kitchen and goes to sit in the living room with his floozy.

If Maura hadn't been getting on my nerves so much this past week, I might actually tell her how fucking great that was. Instead, I just go through the cabinets looking for some basil for the sauce and tune her out. One person can only stand to hear '_you need to do this'_ or '_you need to do that' _or so many times before they go insane.

It's seriously like the bigger her stomach gets, the more she nags. All I hear is blah, nag, blah all the fucking time these days.

I don't think I can handle it much longer.

I finally find the basil and start to put some in, but I can actually _feel _Maura staring over my shoulder at me in disapproval.

I turn and look at her with my eyebrows raised. "What?"

"You really should use cilantro instead of basil for this particular dish, Jane."

I tilt my head and give her a fake smile. "Silly me, I should've known. It's not like my family is Italian or anything."

Her eyebrows knit together in confusion. "Yes they are."

Jesus Christ. I really did marry Captain Literal. "Exactly, Maura," I turn and start putting the fucking basil in the pot, "Don't be so quick to write me off. I'm not stupid."

She puts her hand on my arm to try and get me to look at her. I don't and she pulls it back. "I know that."

I finally do look at her and raise my eyebrows. "Really? Do you?"

She flounders for a second as she thinks about what to say, but I stomp off before she gets the chance. I'm reaching the tipping point and I really don't think it'd be best to cause a scene in Ma's kitchen.

I walk into the dining room and sit at the table with everyone—minus Maura and Ma—and start talking to Tommy's blonde of the week.

She introduces herself as Beth and she's actually pretty nice. A little clueless, but nice. I hope Tommy keeps her around just so he isn't such a sleaze around Maura again.

We still aren't completely over that whole ordeal that happened a few months ago. It was all I could do to drag her over here after she found out he was coming—even though it was her idea to do this over here to begin with.

Reason 473 that I'm not in the best of moods right now.

Ma finally comes in with the food and Maura sits down next to me without actually looking at me. I'm not sure if I hurt her feelings or if she's embarrassed. I honestly just really don't care right now.

Frankie stands up and points at me as he heads back to the kitchen. "Yo, Janie. Want a beer?"

I look around the table and realize I'm the only one without a drink. I look back up at him and nod. "Yeah, that'd be great."

Maura looks at me with a small pout already set on her face. Most likely because it isn't wine. I raise my eyebrows just to spite her and call out to Frankie. "Actually, go ahead and bring me two."

He grunts something incomprehensible from the kitchen and Maura frowns. I don't even care. I mean, why should she get to pick what I drink anyway?

He sets them down in front of me and I smile at her before I take a sip. She can just go ahead and wipe that pout off her face right now because I _fully_ intend on enjoying as many as I can.

It's not like she's going to taste it later anyway. I have no intention to kiss her any time soon.

That's how agitated I am with her.

Food starts getting passed around and Beth holds out a dish to me. I reach out to take it from her, but Maura pushes my hand away and takes it. "Jane isn't particularly fond of that."

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Now she's trying to decide what I eat?

Not happening.

I gasp and take the bowl back from her. "Yes, I do!"

And then I look down in it. Sautéed fucking broccoli.

Gross. I really _don't _like it.

But I'll be damned if I let her know that.

I take a big fucking scoop of it and put it on my plate as she looks at me in surprise. "How come you never eat the broccoli that I prepare?"

I shrug. "I guess yours just isn't very good."

Okay, that was a low blow even for me. Hurt flashes across her face before she takes the bowl from me and looks away.

I guess this means she's never cooking for me again.

Great.

After everything gets passed around, Ma clasps her hands together and looks over at us. "Okay, girls. I'm just_ dying_ to know…What is it?"

I roll my eyes as I nudge Maura with my elbow. "You tell her."

She looks at me to make sure it's really okay before looking over at Ma with a smile so big it has to hurt. "Jane and I are having a girl."

Ma lets out a shriek that sounds like she got shot in the arm before jumping up and disappearing down the hall.

Well, that was fucking weird.

Everyone looks around the table as they try to figure out what the hell just happened. Beth is the first to recover and clears her throat as she looks at me. "I bet you're excited to have a little girl that looks like your wife, aren't you?"

"It's actually Jane's egg," Maura pipes up.

I'm so glad she announced that at the table. Tommy and Frankie both grimace and I roll my eyes. Maura really has to work on how she words things.

Beth smiles in awe and looks at me. "Well she's destined to be beautiful either way."

Maura's 'Possessive Hand' instantly clamps down on my thigh. What the fuck. Beth is straighter than a fucking board. I'm pretty sure Maura has nothing to worry about.

It's so ridiculous it only serves to make me even more annoyed with her.

I awkwardly smile at Beth as I try to push the hand off my leg. "Thanks."

Maura's not having it.

She only grips tighter.

Fantastic.

Ma finally walks in—mischievousness written all over her face—with her arms behind her back. Oh shit. This is going to be bad.

A smile is plastered on her face as she holds up a hat and tiny booties.

A fucking _hot pink_ hat and matching booties.

I set my beer on the table and shake my head. "No, Ma. She's not wearing those."

Her mouth falls open and she gasps. "And why not? I knitted them for her!"

I wave my hand in front of me at them. "Uh, maybe because they're _pink?"_

Ma scoffs. "Just because you don't—"

"—No, it's not because _I _don't like it. It's because I'm not forcing a sterotype on her, okay? Just because she's a girl doesn't mean she'll like pink or ballet or whatever the hell people think girls should like. She's a Rizzoli-Isles and she can do whatever the hell she wants."

Defiantly, I cross my arms and raise my eyebrows. "So no, not all of her stuff is going to be pink just because everyone feels like she's _supposed _to like it, alright?"

Maura's turns to me, head tilted. "Jane, that was surprisingly…in depth. I very much agree with you."

Coming from the person who tried to paint her room pink? I'm shocked.

Ma frowns and fiddles with the things she made. "So she can't wear these?"

I roll my eyes and hold my hand out for them. "Fine. She can wear the damn things. But," I point up at her, "not everything can be pink. Got it?"

Ma understandingly smiles. "Of course, Janie."

Did Ma really just agree with me that quickly? Holy shit.

What the fuck is happening?

Maybe this night will turn out to be in my favor, after all.

…

Wrong. So wrong.

After a dinner full of trying to keep Maura's hand from creeping any higher on my leg, I'm fucking exhausted and cranky as hell.

I go to help Ma clean up in the kitchen, but Maura stands up and squeezes my arm. "Will you accompany me to the restroom?"

Warily, I look at her. I can't tell if this is just some ploy to get me alone with her or if she legitimately needs something, so I decide to go ahead and follow her.

As soon as we're inside and she gets the door shut, her hands reach out and start unbuttoning my shirt. I look at her and frown. "What are you doing?"

Her hands still as she glances up at me. "It's quite obvious what I'm doing, isn't it?"

Normally I'd be more than okay with this, but just not right now. I take a step back, but she follows—hands still unbuttoning..

"Jesus Christ, Maura. Would you stop?"

Her hands immediately recoil as if I physically slapped them. She takes a step back, eyes wide. "What's wrong?"

I shake my head and start fixing my shirt without breaking eye contact with her. "I don't need you to take control over me all the goddamn time, alright? That shit gets fucking old."

It looks like I threw a bucket of ice water on her. Her eyes start to water and she shakes her head in disbelief. "What? I don't…"

Her voice is barely a whisper. It kinda makes me feel bad for raising my voice at her like that. I mean, I actually _do_ like it when she gets jealous and shows me how much she wants me.

But there's an underlying issue going on here and every single thing she does is bothering me. We'll need to talk about this later, I just don't plan on having the conversation in my mother's bathroom. I push past her and slam the door behind me.

Before I make it more than two steps down the hall, I lean back against the wall and take a deep breath. I never wanted to be the kind of person that acted like this, that left things like this. I can be mad—pissed, even—and not act like a fucking three year old.

Not only that, but everyone she's ever had in her life has left her.

I don't want her to feel like I will.

I slowly push the door back open and watch as she brushes the smudges of make-up away from her eyes. Her gaze catches mine in the mirror and I nod towards the door. "C'mon. It's been a long day, we can go."

She nods and brushes past me on the way out of the bathroom. We don't even bother to say goodbye to anyone, we just walk out and I open the car door for her like I always do before getting in the driver's seat.

Normally she'll reach out and lace our fingers together as soon as I get it. This time she doesn't.

It doesn't go unnoticed by either of us.

The tension-filled silence settles all around us until we are about halfway home. She spins her rings around her finger and finally turns to look at me. "Are we okay? I'm not very good at picking up on social cues…I feel like I missed out on something big. You'd tell me, wouldn't you?"

I sigh and tap my thumb against the steering wheel. "Yeah. We're fine."

I'm thankful that it's dark outside already. If not…she would've been able to see right through that lie.

….

After taking a shower, I sit down on the couch to watch a game I recorded earlier in the week. Maura's propped up on the opposite arm reading a book. As soon as I get settled, she pushes her cold feet under my thigh for warmth.

The little things like that are the reasons why my resolve never lasts very long. If I didn't have her, I wouldn't have someone to sleep next to at night. I wouldn't have someone that slid their feet under my leg just because they could. I wouldn't have someone to massage my scars in the dead of winter when it gets so cold I can barely twist the doorknob.

I wouldn't have that and I'd be the same broken person I was years ago. I don't want that.

But I also don't want to be pushed around—even if it is inadvertently. I know I should forgive her this time without a fight just like I always do, but I just don't know if I can.

About halfway through the game she looks up from her book. "Jane," she says, timidly.

I turn my head to face her, but my eyes never leave the screen. "Yeah?"

"Will you go get something from Jose's for me? Please?"

My eyes go wide and I shake my head. "No. No way."

She closes her book and tilts her head. "Why not?"

I raise my eyebrow and look at down at her belly bump. "You _do_ remember what happened the last time you ate Mexican food, don't you?"

She grimaces. Yeah, that was a rough night to say the least.

"Will you go pick up something from Chang's for me instead?"

That's at least an hour round trip if the traffic is _good. _There's no fucking way. I shake my head and turn back to the TV. "No. Call in a delivery or something."

She frowns. "They don't deliver after nine on weeknights."

I'm not caving. I shrug and take a sip of beer. "I guess you'll just have to wait until tomorrow or go get it yourself."

"Please, Jane?"

I feel literally feel myself snap and there's no way to stop it. The baby, the neediness, the … the everything. It's piled up and piled up until it's just too fucking much for me to handle. I turn to her and throw my hand up. "I'm tired, Maura. I had to work and then I had to sit through that fucking disaster at Ma's. I'm not driving into town at ten o'clock just because you want some fucking rice." I practically growl it out and she gets the same look she had in the bathroom earlier before she turns to face the tv just so she doesn't have to look at me.

"Noodles," she murmurs under her breath.

She's pushing it right now. I clench my jaw. "What the hell ever, Maura. I'm not doing it."

A long heavy pause hangs around us and I start biting the edge of my thumb nail. She meekly turns towards me. "The bed is being delivered tomorrow."

Great. Another thing I didn't get a say in. I don't trust myself to say anything I won't regret, so I only nod without looking at her.

Another silence.

She uncomfortably scratches at her neck. "What color would you prefer to have the walls painted?"

At least she's trying to have a conversation. I sigh and turn my hand palm up to the air, dejectedly. "Does it really matter what I want?" I shake my head and look at her. "They'll be painted whatever color you pick anyway, won't they?"

Confused, she studies my face before dropping her gaze down to her lap. She presses her lips together as she thinks before timidly looking up. "Did I do something wrong?"

I drop my head in my hands and use my fingers to rub my forehead. How the hell am I going to say what I need to say when her voice is quiet and shaky like that?

I finally look up at her and take a deep breath. "We need to talk."

The color visibly drains from her face and she fearfully nods.

Jesus, it's like she thinks I'm about to divorce her.

I pull her feet up to lay on top of my thighs and start rubbing her swollen ankles. "You make me happier than I've ever been before. You know that, right?"

She doesn't answer. I guess she can't honestly say that she _does_ know that. I've must have been as bitchy to her as she's been naggy to me. We're a fucking pair, that's for sure.

"Well you do and I'm sorry I don't let you know that as often as I should."

She lets out a shuddery breath and tentatively nods.

I can't exactly say what I need to say if all I want to do is hold her because she looks so goddamn forlorn, so I look down at her feet to distract me as I speak.

"When you're happy, I'm happy. That's how it's been ever since the day I met you. But I feel like you take advantage of how much I care about you sometimes," I look up at her and audibly swallow, "And that can be hard. Especially with how I used to be. I mean, I don't want control all the time like or anything…I just want a little bit every now and then, "I shrug and look back down, "You're just not giving that to me anymore."

She pulls her feet out of my grasp and brings her knees up to her chest. She looks away—processing what I said—before looking back at me, eyes already slightly watery. "Jane, I…I never intended to take you for granted," she whispers, voice thick from trying hold back any tears. "This is just so new to me. I've never had anyone that I could really ask for anything before. You're the first person to do that for me."

I nod. "I know."

And I _do_ know. That's what makes it so hard to ever tell her no. Her cheeks start turning pink and she nervously bites her lip. "What can I do to fix this? Fix us?"

I sigh and signal for her to move closer. She hesitantly crawls over and sits next to me—head resting against my shoulder.

At least I won't have to look her in the face when I crush her soul this way.

I turn my palm up and she gently places her hand on mine. "I like getting you things that you want, Maura. That's not the issue. The issue is," she squeezes my hand tighter and braces herself, "The issue is that you haven't been treating me like your wife...your equal. Instead, it's like I'm your personal assistant that you just happen to be in love with, too."

"Oh, Jane," her voice is barely a whisper, "I never want you to feel like that."

"I know and I should've told you how I was feeling sooner." I pull back just enough for her to get the hint and look up at me. "I just want you to ask me what_ I_ want sometimes, alright? Let me decide things every now and then. I don't want to boss you around and control you because that's who I _was_ and not who I _am_. I would like some input every once in a while, though…only so it doesn't feel like _you're_ controlling _me_."

She looks down as she tries to blink back tears. She reaches up and wipes them from the corner of her eyes before I get the chance.

"I'm not crying because I want to be pitied. I simply don't understand how I let things get this far, how I…" She looks up and her chin quivers. "I am so sorry, Jane. _So _sorry."

Ah, damn not the tears. I know it's because she has a crazy lacriwhatever gland connection or something, but still. It makes it hard to not feel bad for her whenever she cries. It just looks so fucking…pitiful.

I turn to hold her, but she pushes back and shakes her head. "No I…I want you to go upstairs."

I raise my eyebrows. Didn't we _just _talk about her being a bossy bottom?

"I didn't mean for it to come out like that. I simply intended on…" Her eyebrows knit in confusion. "How can I ask _you_ to take control of _me_ without it sounding as if _I'm_ telling _you _what to do?"

Wow. That's definitely not where I expected this to go.

Do I really want to go back to that? To how I was?

I know this will most likely be a one-time only kinda thing, but…

It really can't hurt anything…can it?

I stand up and look down at her—my face unreadable. "Be upstairs in five minutes." I shoot her a look over my shoulder as I walk to the stairs. "Don't keep me waiting."

….

I sit back—well, more like sprawl out—in the big chair in the corner of the bedroom and look down at myself. Nothing on but a white button down with the sleeves rolled up to mid-forearm, unbuttoned, and opened only far enough to show the narrow strip of skin between my tits and down to my belly button. No pants, just a strap on that's making its first appearance tonight. We haven't been able to use longer ones since 'the incident', but she never said anything about the width.

And well…let's just say I'm well-endowed in that area tonight.

Finally, she walks in—a minute late. Already pushing it.

Can't have that.

Minus the initial smirk when she saw me, she manages to keep a straight face as she walks in the room.

She's about four feet away when I nonchalantly hold up some fingers for her to stop. She stands stock-still and her gaze never falters. I forgotten how fucking good she was at this.

My eyes slowly roam over her body and then back up to her face. "Strip."

Her shirt goes first and she unceremoniously drops it to the floor. That she isn't wearing a bra isn't all that surprising, but when she peels off her yoga pants and there's nothing left underneath but bare skin…that _is_ a little surprising.

My eyebrow quirks up at the sight of her. Even pregnant, she's still the sexiest thing I've ever seen. I lick my lips and point to the side of the bed.

Wordlessly, she walks to the edge and bends over—feet still on the ground and forearms pressed against the bed, holding her weight up.

She glances over her shoulder at me and raises her eyebrows, waiting. I should make her wait since she made me, but I have something even better planned. Well…maybe not better for her.

I saunter up behind her and run my hands down her back to squeeze her ass. "Are you ready for me to fuck you?"

She gathers some of the bedspread in her fists and nods. "Yes, Detective."

Shit. She's already whipped out her sex voice and 'Detective'. Too bad this isn't how it's going to go.

I firmly palm her ass and she lurches forward. "This isn't a game, Maura. I want you to say _my_ name. I want you to know who's in control of you tonight."

"Yes, Jane. Yes," she breathes out as I reach down and run my fingers between her legs to see if she's wet enough.

Fuck. She definitely is.

I kick her legs open wider and guide the head into her opening. I push a little further in and a pained "Oh" escapes her.

I stop moving immediately. I'm not in this if it'll hurt her. "You'll tell me if—"

"—Yes. Don't stop," she begs as she tries to push back against me.

Now that I know she's okay, I'm back in this 100 percent. I firmly grab her hips to stop her. "If you move an inch, I'll stop. I swear I'll fucking stop. Understand?"

She whimpers and I start to pull entirely out of her. "Do you _understand_?"

She quickly nods. "Yes, Jane. I understand."

Good. I gradually push the rest of the way into her—imagining the way she bites her lip when it goes completely in the first time. It makes me want to give it to her like she likes it, but she made me wait so I'm going to make her. I'm in control now.

Agonizingly slow, I thrust completely in before almost pulling completely out. I see her struggling not to move, but this is a battle she's sure to lose. I only have to wait it out.

I have patience when I need it.

Not speeding up, I thrust harder and harder into her until she's bunched so much of the bedspread in her fists that it's pulled completely off the other side of the bed. She's groaning with every unhurried stroke into her and I know this has got to be torture.

With one hand, I reach under her and pull at one of her nipples until she whimpers before moving to the other. That combined with one more hard drive into her and her resolve breaks, just like I knew it would.

She props herself up on one hand and the other trails down her body and goes between her legs. As soon as I hear her gasp from touching her clit, I immediately pull out and coax her onto her back.

She scoots further on the bed until her legs are no longer dangling off the edge and waits for me to join her.

Except I'm not going to like she thinks I am.

I climb up on the bed and prop myself up above her. She rises up for a kiss but I lean back until I'm just out of reach. She broke the rule, she can't have it her way.

"If you want to touch yourself so badly, I'll let you. But," I lean down close enough to feel her damp breath against my lips, "That means you don't get to feel _me_ touching you."

Her eyes flutter close as I lean down just enough for our nipples to touch. "Jane…please?"

I pull up off her until we aren't pressed against each other anymore—thankfully her stomach isn't big enough to keep me from doing this—and wait for her eyes reopen. "No. You made it pretty clear that you wanted to do it yourself, so do it."

She takes a shallow, shaky breath and her hand slowly makes its way down her stomach. I push far enough above her to watch it disappear between her legs. She gasps as her fingers move up and down, around as they rub her clit.

She opens her legs a little wider and reaches up to wrap her free hand around my back, but I stop her and gently pin her wrist to the bed. "You're not allowed to touch me now either, Maura. Just yourself."

She nods and licks her lips, increasing the pace of her fingers between her legs. I push her wrist a little more firmly into the bed. "You better slow down. I didn't say you could come yet."

Instantly, her fingers slow to a speed that's almost agonizing for _me_ and I'm only watching. I lean down and suck at the spot on her neck she loves and her breathing gets heavier, chest rising and falling so rapidly that I know she's about to come no matter how slow she's going.

I lean back from her neck and then pull the one arm from between her legs, pinning it above her head like the other. "Keep them there."

She nods, too busy breathing to try and answer. Her face is flush, eyes deep green, and her lips wet from licking them. She looks so damn perfect that I can't even help kissing her.

I don't let it get any further than a brief kiss before pulling back and looking at her. "Don't come unless I say you can come."

At her nod, I push back inside her—much faster than before. My left hand moves down to rub her clit and the other goes under her shoulder for leverage.

I start thrusting hard and fast enough that her chest, her whole body starts moving with each one. Her legs open wider, silently begging for more. She's not verbally going to ask. Not now. Not tonight.

But I'll give it to her anyway.

Harder, faster and sweat starts beading up on both of us. My shirt has opened up enough that we're skin to skin. Our nipples, stomachs…everything is sliding against each other with every stroke into her.

Anguish flits across her face as her legs slightly close and her knuckles turn white from gripping at the comforter as she fights off her orgasm. I knew she'd be close.

I'm just not ready to let her go just yet.

I slow down and press my lips against hers, dominating the kiss as I bite at her lip and my tongue flits inside. She moans into my mouth and her hips uncontrollably buck up once, twice into me.

I pull back and her eyes flutter shut, legs opening wider again. She takes a deep breath before looking back up at me. "Please, Jane. Just…please," she practically sobs out as her hips raise up into me once more.

I guess it _would_ be cruel to keep this up much longer—actually, I don't even think she'd be able to take it much more anyway. At least if I _tell_ her she can, it's like I was in control of it. I kiss the spot below her ear before whispering, "I want you to come right now. Come with me inside you."

She fervently nods before sucking in a few quick gasps of breath as I drive harder into her again. It's only seconds later that her eyes clench shut, her teeth bared, and the veins in her neck protrude as she pushes her head back into the bed when she arches up into me as she comes.

Seeing her like that is enough to make me go right after her. I struggle to keep going until she groans as she lets out the breath she was holding in through her release.

I finally stop and drop my head down to her shoulder, panting for breath. I turn and kiss her neck before rising up to quickly kiss her lips. She clings onto me as I gently pull out of her and manage to unbuckle it with one hand, tossing it to lie on the far end of the bed.

I roll off beside her and she turns to lie on her side to face me. Her fingers lazily trace circles on my abs and I reach up and run my fingers through her hair.

"Was that okay?"

She's silent for a minute and I start to worry. Finally, she nods and her eyes flick up to mine. "Do you miss it?"

I frown. "What?"

"Being in control like that. Do you miss it?"

Was it good? Definitely. Did I miss it? I can't say that I can.

"No," I lean in and kiss her nose, "I just enjoy being with you however I can."

She pensively looks at me. "But…are you sure? I don't want to hold you back if you want to explore your sexual curiosity."

I can't help but laugh. "Sexual curiosity? Maura, I had it like that for years. What I have with you…That's what I've never had. That's what I like to explore."

"Really?"

I nod.

"So this may potentially never happen again?"

I laugh at the slight frown she unconsciously has. "Only if _you_ want it to." I reach over and brush some sweat-matted hair from her face. "And only like this. Anything else…no. I won't control you like this in our daily lives. I want us to be equals. Neither of us should have that kind of power over each other."

She scoots closer to me and nods. "I agree. It was nice remembering how far you've come, though. How much you've changed… but I understand that you don't want to go back to that because even _I_ don't want you to go back to being that." She frowns. "I'm sorry that's how I was acting towards you."

I can't help but laugh again. "Really, Maura? You're equating how you acted over the past couple of weeks to how I was for _five_ years? Trust me, you weren't that bad yet." I run my finger down her nose so she finally smiles. "I love you and you know that, so don't feel bad for this. I don't want you to keep saying you're sorry, alright? We're okay."

Her eyes flick back and forth, reading my face. "You mean it this time? That we're okay?"

Damn. I knew she'd catch that lie in the car.

I nod and pull her as tight against me as the baby bump allows. I kiss the crown of her head and she wraps her arms around my back. "Yeah. I mean it this time. We're okay."

….

….

**I've never hated a chapter so much in my life. But I've been working on it for three days and I'm tired of looking at it. **

**Oh, and 6000 words! Longest chapter I've ever done.** **Wow.**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Sorry for the wait! It's been a hectic few weeks at college and I had to really think about how I wanted these next few chapters to go. ): But I appreciate all the reviews and encouragements, thank you! You guys are the best. **

**This is roughly 25 weeks. Yay!**

…

For the first time in years, I've been _made_ to go home early from work. It's fucking bullshit.

Yeah, okay. I may have had a run in with a guy's fist. And then he may have had a run in with mine.

Okay, maybe he had more like four run-ins with mine. Or five.

Regardless, I didn't need to come home. My eye is already a little purple, but it certainly isn't swollen yet. I would've been able to see how to take care of that fucker just fine. I bet I would've gotten a confession in three minutes flat. Sleezeballs like that never last very long before they crack.

Now that I think about it, maybe it was my temper and not the injury that's the real reason for Cavanaugh being such a prick. But I had to fight for almost two weeks in a basement just to survive. I'll do whatever it takes to show someone that they'll never put me in that position again.

Some habits really _do_ die hard, I guess.

I walk in the house and straight to the kitchen. Maura isn't downstairs so she's either outside with Jo or upstairs organizing some other mess I'm sure the baby doesn't_ really_ need. At least we finally decided on what the paint the walls though.

Mint green. It's not too girly and it's not boyish and I was the one that got to pick it out. The bed is actually solid white—I guess that's what I get for assuming—and even though it does look like a carriage, it _is_ pretty fucking cute. The whole room ended up being a compromise and we decided on everything without even a hint of a fight or argument. We're not completely on level footing yet—sometimes she gets out of hand and sometimes so do I—but it's finally starting to level out. I know we'll work it out and get there eventually because we always do.

I'm too lazy to find the bottle opener—and still kind of upset that I had to be sent home—so I just knock the cap of the beer off against the countertop. It's like Maura actually hears a chunk being knocked out of the granite whatever she calls it and is instantly at the top of the stairs. Instead of being agitated that I did it, she gives a full dimpled smile and makes her way down to the kitchen.

I feel like she should be watermelon sized or something by now, but she isn't. I mean it's obvious that she's packing a kid around in there, but it's not like anyone could tell how far along she is just by looking at her. But she says that everything is fine and it might take her a little longer to start pop out because everyone's different, so I'm not too worried about it. Yet.

As soon as she steps in the kitchen and walks up to me, I turn to fully face her and her smile slightly falters. "Jane," her fingers ghost across the purple bruising around my eye, "What happened?"

I gently grab her wrist and pull her hand down, our fingers intertwining as I pull her close enough that her stomach is lightly pressed against mine. I shrug with a nonchalant smirk. "Nothing I couldn't handle."

She gives a knowing grin. "So you willingly decided to come home early?"

"Mhm," I lean down and kiss her forehead, "Just to see you."

She gives the slightest of frowns. "Although that would be sweet if it were true, I won't be home much longer. I have to get ready for a meeting."

I scrunch up my nose. Even though it wasn't really my decision to come home, I'd still like to spend the day with her. "Do you have to?"

She laughs at the whine in my voice. "Unfortunately. I need to help decide the new temporary replacement after the debacle with the previous one."

Ugh. It's not like I need to be reminded. The fucking dumbass lost a victim's heart. How the fuck do you manage to do that? It just makes me miss Maura being at work with me even more. I roll my eyes. "Fine." My hands move up to rest on her stomach and I kiss her again. "I wish you'd stay though."

"Me too." She puts her hands on top of mine and starts pulling me with her as she walks backwards. "Come up stairs with me while I get dressed? I'm not used to you being at home during the weekdays and I'd rather not waste it."

Like she even had to ask. I follow her upstairs and flop down on the bed as she walks into the bathroom. She leaves the door open so I watch as her as she pulls off her shirt and pants. I have to put my fist on my mouth to stifle a laugh. "Maura, are those my underwear?"

She looks over her shoulder, trying to frown but a smiling instead. "Mine were unusually itchy this morning. Do I look dumb?"

Boy shorts paired with the frilliest bra I've ever seen should look at least a little weird, but it doesn't. It's actually kind of hot knowing those are mine. I shake my head against the bed and smile. "No, you look good. You always look good."

She fully smiles and her gaze briefly falls to the floor. She's never been insecure about her body or anything else, but it always makes her blush a little bit when I praise her openly like that. Just with me though. It's sweet in its own kind of way. I should definitely do it more often.

She turns back around and I watch her face in the mirror as she does her hair and makeup. It fascinates me. Every single movement she makes is precise and she always looks impeccable. I've always wondered if she taught herself because she's so smart or if she hired some weird French makeup lady to teach her since she has enough money to do that. Either way, she's perfect at it. Her nose slightly scrunches as she does her mascara and she smacks her lips together as she finishes putting on lipstick. I honestly could just sit here and watch her do that all fucking day.

When she's done, she smiles in the mirror like she always does before she walks out. For the first time, it hits me that she probably does that to prep herself, to give her enough confidence for whatever situations she's going to face later that day. She's gotten better with people—_so_ much better—but she's still a just a little awkward about it and she knows it. It must be so incredibly hard getting ready to go somewhere thinking about how you might miss a hint, be left out of what people are saying because you're on a completely different plane of intelligence. It must be even harder when she has to face people without me or someone else there to help her out.

I get up and walk to the closet and lean against the door facing. She pulls out dress after dress and holds them up to herself. I know she appreciates the stitching or whatever, but part of me thinks she stresses over her clothes because she feels like they'll somehow hide how socially inept she is. I doubt she'd ever admit that though.

I smile as she pulls out two and looks between them as she tries to decide. "You'll be fine. Don't worry about it; I'm sure you won't even have to be there very long."

She gives me an appreciative grin, like she's reading my mind and can tell that I know what she's going through. "I hope not. I want to come back early enough to spend the evening with you. We can even watch that movie you wanted to see last week, too. I recorded it for you."

Too fucking sweet. Smiling, I push myself off the door facing. "Sounds like a plan." I start to walk downstairs but I turn and point at the black dress she's holding up. "But unless_ I'm_ going to be the_ only_ person at that meeting, you're not wearing that one. Y'know," I hold my hands up to my chest and do mock-squeezing motions, "It makes you look a little top heavy. I'm the only person who's allowed to see that."

I wink and she airily laughs. "Thank you for the insight, Jane. I'll definitely keep that in mind."

Almost tripping over Bass at the bottom of the stairs—not like I need two black eyes—I regain my balance and grab another beer since the last one sat out and got hot already. I prop my feet up on the coffee table and turn it to some station about people catching alligators or crocodiles. Hell if I know. After the first five minutes I feel like I should turn it because it's so fucking pointless, but I just can't. I feel like if Frost were here we'd just watch it to make bets on who would be the first to lose a hand.

I'm so sucked into watching it that I almost don't notice Maura's downstairs until she gently nudges my feet on the table. "I need to move this, Bass is stuck."

I look down and sure enough, he's stuck between the leg of the table and the couch. Oops. I lift my legs up just enough so Maura can scoot it away a couple of inches and then put them back down. Maura stands up and only then do I notice.

It's the dress.

I don't want to be controlling, but I'm pretty sure I said 'Not that dress, Maura' or something pretty fucking close to that. Her clothes are always tasteful and this would be too….if her tits didn't look like melons trying to make their escape.

I mean, I don't think many people would hit her if they know she's with me—but with her tits looking like that, I'm pretty sure they would without an ounce of remorse. It's not like her face is even close to being ugly, either. It's like a fucking double whammy. Not to mention her legs or her…Shit, I just need to wrap her up and keep her at home. That's clearly the only way to solve this.

I raise my eyebrows and look her up and down. "Still going to work?"

She tilts her head to the side in confusion. "Yes."

I try to bite my tongue and say nothing, but it doesn't work. "Maura, you're not going in that."

She crosses her arms—only pushing up her tits even more—and her eyebrows knit. "I don't tell you what to wear, so please don't try to tell me what I should wear."

My eyebrows raise and I give a dry laugh. "There's a difference in telling someone what to wear because you think they look _bad_ and telling someone what not to wear because they look _good_. Really fucking good. I don't want anyone else seeing that much of you."

Her eyebrows rise at that as she tries to figure out what I mean. "So you want to dictate what I wear as a way of showing ownership of me? As an attempt to keep other people away?"

That's pretty much what this is, isn't it? I don't want her wearing it so no one hits on her and I don't want anyone hitting on her because she's mine just like I'm hers. I set the bottle down on a coaster and look back at the tv. "You're gonna be late."

"But—"

"You should go." She doesn't move and I look back over her and raise one eyebrow. "Now."

She takes a small step closer to me. "Jane—"

"Maura, if—"

"Please stop cutting me off! I'm trying to talk to you."

I shrug and bitterly laugh again. "Why? It's not like you'll listen."

Her mouth opens and closes as she tries to figure out what to say. Her arms drop to her sides and she looks down—almost in shame. "I didn't think you were being serious about this earlier."

She sets her clutch down on the coffee table and sits down on the couch. She scoots a little closer to me and lightly squeezes my knee. "I know how hard it was for you to go from controlling everything to feeling like you control nothing. You know I've been trying so hard to fix that. I _do_ listen to you. I didn't do this on purpose."

I nod. She really has been trying and so have I. I put my hand back on hers and wait for my emotions to calm down before looking back up at her. "Y'know, we've only been together for three years or so total. Maybe…maybe this is our rough patch. We had a groove when we started dating—I was in control all the time. Then it all changed when_ I_ changed and we hit a different groove, it was an equal give and take with us."

She nods in agreement and her fingers lightly squeeze mine as an encouragement to keep going. "But then the baby happened and changed things even more. It's like we're both fighting to be in charge of this…this new chapter in our lives and I don't think we've really figured out how to start a new routine yet."

"The baby has brought a lot of changes at once. It can be very overwhelming at times." She gives a reassuring smile and it's like all the lingering emotions from this god awful day start to melt away. "We're working on it and we'll straighten everything out like we always do. I have enough faith in us to believe that will hold true this time as well."

She lets the words sink in for a moment before she stands and starts tugging on my arm to pull me up. I stand and my eyebrows furrow. "What are you doing? I thought you had to leave."

She wraps her arms around me and slowly starts walking us to the stairs. "They can call me about it later. You're more important to me than that. You're more important to me than _anything_. I'll cancel everything every single day for as long as it takes for us to figure this out."

"Really?"

She smiles _that_ smile and lets go of me so we can walk up the stairs. "Really."

We get to the bedroom and she walks to the edge of the bed. She turns to me and slowly starts unbuttoning my shirt and then pulls my tanktop off. She reaches around and unhooks my bra before pointing to the bed. "Lay on your stomach? I have something I've wanted to do for you for a while."

_For_ me? I guess that's better than _to_ me…I think.

I lie down in the middle of the bed and listen as her footsteps turn from the clicking of heels to the sound of bare feet on the hardwood. She walks to the bathroom and digs around for a few moments before walking back to the side of the bed. I turn my head to watch as she unzips her dress and lets it fall to the floor—pleasantly surprised to see that she still has on my underwear.

Brown bottle in hand, she climbs on the bed and straddles my ass. I'm a little sad that I still have pants on, actually. As soon as she unscrews the cap and vanilla, cinnamon, and other scents I can't even pick out fill the room. I can hear her rub it between her hands and she laughs as I tense up when she touches my back for the first time. "Sorry. I tried to warm it up a little bit, but clearly that didn't go as planned."

Her fingers deftly start kneading the muscles in the upper part of my shoulders and it's all I can do not to moan. "No, that's…that's okay. It's good." She slowly starts rubbing the back of my neck and I really can't help the moan that comes out. "_So_ good."

Her fingers move down to my scars and she hesitates. "Is this…?"

I nod and she starts doing the most amazing things I've ever felt. I think she really missed her calling; she'd be a fucking great masseuse. She slowly makes her way down to the middles of my shoulder blades where I'm the most scarred. "Do they hurt?"

I lazily nod. This feels so fucking good. "Sometimes. Mostly when I'm stressed. Or cold."

She pours some more oil on her hands and then starts using the heels of her palms to press down harder. This is fucking great. "You should've told me. I would do this more often."

I give a small shrug. "It's not a big deal."

She stays silent for a moment and her hands stop moving. "It _is_ a big deal. You shouldn't have to walk around in pain when there's something I can do to relieve it. Why don't you tell me?"

She starts rubbing the lower part of my back and I try to stay focused on the conversation. "I don't want to bother you with it. And I…I still really don't like talking or thinking about 'em."

Her hands slightly pull back. "Should I stop? I don't want to do anything you aren't comfortable with."

"No." My answer is immediate. This should never be legally allowed to end. "It's different when it's you, y'know? Everything is different when it comes to you."

I can basically hear her tilt her head as her hands start kneading again. I feel myself start to get drowsy and the words just start tumbling out. "I love you. You're—I want to be better for you. Not because I don't think I deserve you, I'm over that. But because I want the best for you. And that's…that's not something I've ever wanted for anyone before. And asking you to do something like this? It makes me feel selfish. And that's not me being the best I can for you.

"Jane…" Her hands move up and she starts rubbing my biceps. "We both know I've been the selfish one lately. It's annoyed and aggravated you to no end. You still love me, don't you?"

"Always." There's not even a question about it.

"Exactly. I'll love you no matter how selfish you feel like you are or aren't being. I'll love you if you regress and slip back into the same person you were when we met. I'll love you for the rest of my life. And I can say that with certainty, because I know it to be true."

She slightly rises up so I flip over to where I'm looking up at her and she settles back down to straddle my hips. "It hurts waking up alone in the morning after you've gone to work because I just want to be around you all the time. At first, I thought that made me clingy; I thought it might have to do with my childhood and the benign neglect. But now…now I know it's because you're the one I'm going to love for the rest of my time. And I don't want to waste a single moment by being without you. So asking me for things like this? It isn't selfish, especially if it helps you feel better. I like being able to help you. But it also makes me happy knowing I can just be here with you and simply _be._ You're my best friend, my family, and my wife."

She leans down until and laces both of our hands together and presses them against the bed as she hovers over me. Her eyes are teeming with emotion and she leans down to lightly brush our lips together. " I'd do anything just to be able to spend time with you. You've taught me that it's okay to ask you for anything, so don't be afraid to ask me for fear of being selfish. Because it won't be. I love you and letting me do things like this—you're not taking anything from me. You're letting me give to you. I feel wanted and loved and so many other things when you let me in to help you."

I nod and she pulls one of her hands away to run a finger across my jawline. "The only way we're going to find our new routine and what works for us is if you let me know what you need just like I let you know what I need. Be open with me. Don't be afraid to ask for things. I won't think you're weak or selfish. I'll feel loved knowing that you actually need me as much as I need you. "

I take a deep breath and a tear involuntarily falls from my eye. She reaches up and wipes it away before falling to my side and pulling me as close against her as she can—one arm wrapped around my back, the other hand brushing through my hair. I drape my arm around her and smile as I breathe in that smell that just so simply her. We're both trying to figure this out. We'll get there. We always do.

I lay there for a few moments and just as the lull of her heartbeat and her smell is about to pull me under for a nap, my eyes pop open and I pull back to look at her. "Maura, please tell me you aren't planning on popping her out in a kiddie pool. I love you, but I don't think I'd really like sitting in in a tub full of your baby juice."

She scoffs and playfully rolls her eyes. "No, I don't plan on _popping_ her out in a kiddie pool. I plan on it being you and me in a hospital room with a bed. No water births in sight."

Thank god. I know that's okay for some people, but clearly they are much braver than I am when it comes to that stuff. Kudos to them. "Good. 'Cause you know Ma would be here to watch you if you did that. Might even climb in with you."

Her eyes go wide before she starts to laugh. "Please go to sleep before you get any more ideas. I highly doubt your mother would do that."

I grin before I yawn and settle back against her. She may think I'm joking, but with Ma…you just never know about that shit.

….

…

**Sorry for the wait, like I said! The next chapter should hopefully be up by next Wednesday. I have a few new stories up, you should go check 'em out, maybe? (:**

**And if there's anything you'd like to see happen in this, feel free to let me know, as always. **


	23. Chapter 23

After taking Jo for a walk, I walk in the bedroom to see Maura lying in bed just in her underwear. It's so fucking cold in here that I have to rub my arms to ward off the chill bumps so I know she has to be uncomfortable. I walk over and start to pull up the cover but she literally whimpers and holds her hand out. "No. _Please_ don't, Jane. I'm so uncomfortably hot. It's almost unbearable."

Looking down, I notice the sweat-slickened hair matted to her face and the light sheen of perspiration covering her skin. I go to sit next to her but her eyes instantly flick open. "Jane, if you take one step closer…I'll end up saying something I regret and then I'll feel so badly about it that I'll have to sleep on the couch."

I laugh and refrain from nudging her. "C'mon, you _know_ I wouldn't let you sleep on the couch. The floor maybe…"

She groans and covers her face. "Everything on me is swollen! My feet, my legs, my breasts, my stomach…there's a good chance other places are as well. I just can't see them anymore."

She _was_ right about just kind of popping out overnight. Her stomach did get pretty fucking big pretty fucking quick. I bend down and lightly kiss right above her belly button and then stand back up. "Alright, I have an idea. Don't move."

"I have no intentions of doing so. Maybe never again."

I want to joke at the exaggeration, but something in her voice lets me know she's just fucking miserable. "That bad, huh?"

She pulls her arm off her face and her arm drops down to the bed with a bounce. She doesn't even bother to open her eyes as she nods. "I can honestly say I've never felt so hot in my entire life."

And she used to work in Africa. That _has_ to be saying something.

I make sure I'm quick and then hurry back up the stairs. She hasn't moved a single inch, just like she said she wouldn't. Sitting down next to her on the bed, I put the bowl beside me and place an ice pack wrapped in a dishcloth on her forehead. She sighs and reaches up with both hands to squish it down harder against her face. "I wish we had enough of these to cover my entire body."

I laugh and wrap one of those weird ass frozen neck things that apparently help with 253 different things around the back of her neck. Her eyes flutter open and she gives a small grin. "You're wonderful."

Smug grin in place, I wag my eyebrows. "I know."

She jokingly rolls her eyes before closing them again. I really hope this doesn't last all day because we're going to be outside for a few hours—in the middle of the fucking summer—and she'll be absolutely miserable if this keeps up.

I squeeze the ice cold water from the washcloth in the bowl and dab it over her face, her upper chest, and her stomach until she breaks out in a light covering of goosebumps and loudly sighs in relief. "I never want to experience another hot flash again."

I wipe some of the water droplets from her stomach with my hand and lean over to kiss her. "We don't have to go tonight if you don't want to. I've seen it plenty of times."

She lays the icepack from her forehead on the bed and then rolls to face me. "We didn't get to go the past two years because of work,_ I_ don't want to be the reason you can't this year. And besides," she looks down to my hand as she takes it in hers, "I'd like to go as well. I've never been."

My eyebrows shoot up. "_Never_?"

She went to college in Boston, there's no way she missed out on this. But, she shakes her head and looks up at me. "No. I never felt comfortable enough going alone."

Hell, I don't blame her with that. There are so many people there that _I_ wouldn't even want to go alone and I'm a cop. I get that familiar pang in my stomach when I realize just how much she's really had to miss out on. I rub some of her hair away from her face before I gently start pushing her to the edge of the bed. "Well what are you waiting on? We _can't_ be late to Maura Isles' first firework fiasco."

Her feet hit the floor and she stands up, smiling as she looks down at me. "You're in quite the mood today, aren't you?" I smile and scrunch my nose as she runs her finger down it. "It's very…cute. I like it."

Before I can make a quip about how Jane Rizzoli isn't _cute_—which we both know is untrue when it comes to her—she turns and struts off to the bathroom in all of her underwear-clad glory.

By the time she's done taking a shower and putting on her makeup, she comes out in this loose, flowy blue dress thing. It's so…sensual. I don't think I've ever used that word in my entire fucking life, but there's just no other word to describe it. She's clutching the door facing to hold herself up on one leg as she tries to slip on her shoe when we finally make eye contact. "You look great. _Really_ great."

Her eyebrows crease a little bit as she stands up and then tilts her head. "So you think being fat suits me?"

My mouth opens and closes. I was not expecting that. "What—that's not…"

A smile slowly forms on her face and she starts laughing. I can't help but shake my head and laugh with her as I climb off the bed. "That was good, Maur. You really had me going for a second."

She's smiling so big that both of her dimples are unmistakable and her eyes are shining from being so proud of herself. "I was hoping it would be an acceptable attempt at humor."

Smiling, I kiss her temple. "It definitely was," I reach down as smack her ass as I usher her out of the bedroom. "Now c'mon, they're already waiting on us."

It's just barely starting to get dark by the time we manage to park close enough to be able to walk to the Cambridge side of the Charleston. I would've liked to take her to see the Boston Pops orchestra at the dome because it's pretty fucking awesome, but there's way too many people there for me to feel okay with taking my pregnant wife over there to get jostled around.

Not to say it's much better on this side of the river though. I take the bag from Maura and slip the strap on my shoulder before putting my hand on her lower back to guide her through everyone to find Ma. She drags Tommy down here with her to the same spot every single year, so I'm able to find them without any trouble.

Tommy has a flag painted on his cheek in an attempt to show his girlfriend his 'cute, fun-loving side' or whatever the fuck he calls it and she's sitting in the chair next to him twirling blonde hair around her finger. Ma is sitting in a chair reading a book and Frankie is sitting on a quilt on the ground.

When we finally walk up to them, Ma drops her book and stands up to pull us both into a hug. "I'm so glad you girls finally made it! I was afraid you weren't coming."

"And miss spending time with my family? No. _Never."_

She swats my arm as she smiles and then points to her chair. "Maura, dear, do you want to take my chair? Jane won't mind sitting on the ground."

Of course I won't. Thanks for asking, Ma. I can't believe they didn't bring an extra chair for Maura to begin with though. They know we don't have any of those things shoved up in the garage and there's about 83 at Ma's house.

Maura shakes her head and politely smiles. "Thank you, Angela, but I'd prefer to sit with Jane tonight."

Frankie laughs and pats on the blanket beside him. "I always knew you were one of us, Maura. Wanna play some cards 'til it's time?"

I shake my head as I sit down next to him. "You don't want her to play. You won't even have a chance."

Tommy—who's apparently decided to be in a halfway decent mood today—shrugs and gives his crooked grin. "Aw, c'mon Janie. We're not _that_ bad."

I laugh as she starts to sit down between my legs. "No, but Maura has a habit of _accidentally_ counting cards. You'll never win."

I wrap my arms around her, hands resting on her stomach, and she leans back against me. "I really don't try to do it on purpose. It just…comes naturally."

"I guess I don't call you Doctor Smartypants for nothing."

She grins and pinches on of my arms wrapped around her. Tommy's girl looks up as she smacks her gum, head tilted with a smile plastered on her face. "Aren't you two just the cutest things? I wanna have a marriage like yours someday."

She looks over at Tommy and his eyebrows shoot up. "Well, don't look at me! I don't have the right parts for that."

She rolls her eyes and pops her gum again. "I didn't say I wanted to be a lesbian, Tommy. I just meant how cute they are."

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate being called _cute_? I roll my eyes as their bickering goes from who's the cutest to what kind of card game they're going to play. Maura reaches over in the cooler bag she brought and pulls out a solid blue water bottle and hands it to me before settling back against me.

"What is..." I open the lid and get a whiff of it.

Definitely beer.

I might be a cop, but that still doesn't mean I could get away with openly drinking at one of these things. She really is a fucking genius.

I smile and lace our right hands together before setting them back on her stomach. "Look at you, breaking the law. I didn't' think you had it in you, Doctor Isles."

She gives my hand a little squeeze and watches as Tommy and Ma argue about the rules of Texas Hold 'em. "Jane, I'd break the law for you any day."

Thinking that everyone is sufficiently distracted, I bite at her earlobe. "Well, aren't you just sweet. I'll be _sure_ to thank you later."

Frankie fakes a gag and groans. "Ew. Get a room, Jane. I don't want a repeat of Julietta Bianchi."

My eyebrows raise and I toss my hand up towards him. "We _were_ in a room. _You _opened the door."

He grimaces and he shrugs. "Yeah, well, I really wish I hadn't. Learned my lesson about knocking _real _quick after that."

Maura looks at me out of the corner of her eye, amused grin plastered on her face. Frankie throws his losing hand down on the blanket before looking back at us. "She was real ugly. Nothing like you, Maura."

I gasp. "She wasn't ugly!"

Leaning back down next to Maura's ear, I whisper, "Frankie's right, though. She wasn't anything like you. Doesn't even compare."

She chuckles and reaches around to put her hand on my cheek. "No one compares to you either, Jane. No one."

"Oh, God," Frankie groans. "I don't know what's gotten into you two, but I can't handle it. I think I'm starting to get a toothache from all this sweet shit." He throws down another losing hand as he stands up. "I'm gonna go get some food before it gets completely dark. You guys want anything?"

Ma turns him down because everything is so expensive and she packed her own, Tommy asks for at least three different kinds of candy bars, and his girlfriend asks for chewing gum. No surprise there. Frankie turns and looks at us. "How 'bout you, Maura? I don't want Little Rizzoli going hungry in there."

Besides me, Frankie might be the only person that can get away with saying stuff like that without making her feel self-conscious about it. I'm glad she's found a friend in him. She smiles up at him and shakes her head. "No thank you, Frankie. Although the offer is very kind."

I roll my eyes and then nod at him behind her. I know her. She wants to eat the whole fucking concession stand right now, she's just too proper or whatever to admit it. He raises his chin towards us in acknowledgement and stalks off to go stand in that ridiculously long line. He's going to be there for fucking ever.

I go quiet and Maura drops her hands down and starts rubbing right above my knees. "What are you thinking about?"

"You. Us. The baby." I drop my chin down to her shoulder and rub my thumb across her stomach. "Can you imagine her waiting to watch the fireworks with us? She'll be running around us trying to write her name in the air with a sparkler or sitting on the ground trying to learn how to play cards with her uncles." I shrug and kiss right under her ear. "I guess I can't wait for her to be here, is all."

She smiles and even though the sun has already went completely down and it's almost completely dark, I can see the way her eyes are starting to water. "I'm really glad you're just as excited about this as I am."

"Well, why wouldn't she be? Everyone better be excited for my first grandbaby!"

Leave it to Ma to ruin a moment. I can't even help but laugh. "Yes, Ma. I'm sure _everyone_ is excited."

Tommy wipes his hands on the tops of his jeans and shyly looks between us. "I'm uh, I'm pretty excited too. I think she's gonna help me stay out of trouble, y'know?"

Maura's eyebrows slightly crease and I raise one of mine. He nervously scratches his neck and shrugs. "Y'know…I wanna be a good role model for her. I don't wanna be like Pop or anything." He tries to deflect and gives a small laugh. "Can't let Frankie have all the credit for being the good uncle either."

Generally I'd think he was just trying to show out for Ma and Maura and his girlfriend, but I know this is different. I can hear it in his voice. I'm not going to let him babysit her anytime soon—or ever—but I'm really glad that he's trying to step it up. "That means a lot to us, Tommy."

Maura hums in agreement and nods. I can see the whites of his teeth shining as he smiles. He's never been the best brother—or person, he _did_ run over a priest—but my approval always has meant a little something to him. I almost feel bad for always siding with Frankie all the time.

But then again, not really. Tommy _was_ in the wrong most of the time. I guess I could've tried a little harder to guide him in the right direction though.

I look up to see Frankie making his way over to us and carrying so much food his arms that he almost drops it. There's no way he already got through that line. Unless…Sneaky little fuck used his badge to get to the front.

I smile to myself. I definitely taught him well.

Tommy stands up to help him and they pass everything out until Frankie's left holding popcorn and a hotdog. He looks down to Maura and holds them out to her. "I didn't know what you wanted, so take one and I'll eat the other."

She uncertainly looks between them because she's afraid she'll pick the one he wants to eat. But I know Frankie. He'd eat chewing gum off the bottom of his shoe. I hold my hand out towards the popcorn and wiggle my fingers. "There's no way in hell she'll eat a hotdog. She thinks they kill people."

She tilts her head and shrugs. "They certainly _are_ unhealthy."

It's sopping with butter and popcorn salt she looks down at it, eyebrows raised. "Although I'm not sure this is much better."

Shrugging, I move it from in front of her towards me. "More for me, I guess."

I pick some up and eat it, making sure to make a big deal over it. "You're definitely missing out, Maura. It's really good."

I can see her struggling to decide whether or not she wants some. Eventually her stomach wins out and she pulls my arm until I'm holding out in front of both of us again. I knew she'd cave.

After we've eaten it all, she starts running her finger around the edges and then licking the butter off of it because she doesn't think anyone can see her. It might be dark, but it's not _that_ dark. I pull the bag away and crinkle it up before throwing it down on the blanket. "If you want more, all you have to do is ask."

I shift to stand up, but she squeezes my knee and turns her face to look at me. "No, stay. It's about to start."

I pull out my phone to check the time and sure enough, she's right. When isn't she though? I wrap my arms back around her. "I'll get you some on the way home if you want?"

She leans her head back on my shoulder, mouth inches from my ear. "I was hoping the way you were going to thank me for earlier was going to involve less clothing…But I suppose I could live with only getting popcorn if I _had_ to."

I can't help but laugh. I never know what the hell is going to roll out of her mouth. "Well maybe you'll end up getting both."

"That sounds like perfection. I can hardly wait to show you how much your thoughtfulness means to me."

Her voice drops to that low, seductive tone that I love and I raise an eyebrow and smirk. I've never gotten laid on the Fourth of July before. Can't say that I regret waiting for Maura to do it with.

She turns her face back to look out towards the Charleston at the first whistling sound of a firework getting shot off. It bursts in the sky in reds and blues and they shoot off more—one directly after another. I forgot how much I always liked coming to watch them.

I look down at Maura and her face is lighting up with every flash of color in the sky and there's a perpetual grin on her face. She looks absolutely beautiful.

I've never been so happy to just _be_ with someone in my entire life.

Were far enough away that the fireworks aren't too loud, but loud enough to still hear. I guess the baby can hear them, too, because halfway through, I feel a rippling under my hand on Maura's stomach. She grins and pulls my other hand up to rest on her.

"Is this okay for her?"

Still smiling, she nods. "Of course. She's just reacting to the new sounds she's experiencing."

I feel another tiny kick against my hand and I'm just so damn happy that I'm not sure if I want to laugh or cry. She's in there and she's alive and she can hear things and…I just really can't fucking wait for her to get here.

She does little baby kicks until it's almost over and I gently squeeze Maura's arm. "I know the finale is a big deal and everything, but it's a real bitch trying to get out of here once everyone starts to leave. We should probably start heading out now, if that's alright?"

"I _really_ have to pee, so I think that's a very good idea." She sits up starts putting the water bottles back in the bag. "I don't really think I could've made it much longer anyway."

I really hope she can hold it. There's no way I'm going in another gas station bathroom with her and waiting for fifteen minutes as she tries to sterilize the seat again. One time doing that was definitely enough.

She takes my hands as I help pull her up and then we quickly tell everyone goodbye. We manage to make it back to the street with only one near-tripping incident. It was actually Maura this time and not me, but I made sure to catch her and give the bastard a death glare. It's not like he purposely did it, but she's pregnant and I can glare at whoever the fuck I want to if they mess with her.

Not only did we decide it was better to leave early, but so did about 900 other people. It's slow going through the middle of the city and I'm _almost_ worried that Maura might pee in the car, but she hasn't said anything so I guess she's doing okay.

But by the time we finally get home, her leg is shaking up and down and she all but jumps out of the car and runs to the door. Then she stops dead in her tracks when remembers I have the keys. "Jane…"

The urgency is discernible in her voice and her face is twisted up in pain. I jog up there and fiddle with the keys until I can finally find the right one. She's bouncing up and down on her toes as I open the door and she immediately bolts inside. She clicks down the hall and does this cute as hell sidestep around Bass before she finally makes it to the downstairs bathroom.

I'm so fucking glad I'm not pregnant. There's no way in hell I could've held it for 45 minutes without complaining. She finally comes out, shoes loosely hanging off her fingers, and relieved smile on her face. "I honestly wasn't sure I was going to make it."

"Me either. Your eyeballs were starting to float."

Her eyebrow creases as tries to figure out what the hell I just meant. "That's…oh. Yes, I'd say they were."

I walk up close to her and grin as I run my hands down her bare arms to her hands to take her shoes from her. I unceremoniously drop them to the floor and lean in to where our mouths are almost touching. "I love you."

She smiles and our lips brush against each other. "I love you, too."

I drop my hands down to her ass and pull her close, kissing her hard and frenzied. Her lips are still salty from the popcorn and she smells as good as she normally does with a hint of being outside and it's amazing. I bend down and wrap my arms around her and pick her up, bare legs wrapping around my waist.

Her tongue traces up the column of my neck as I carry her over to the table and set her down on the edge. I step between her legs and put my hand in the back of her hair and lift her head back up to kiss her. She bites at my bottom lip and pulls open my shirt, buttons scattering across the hardwood. Even if it was my favorite, I doubt I'd fucking care right now.

My tongue flits in her mouth and I pull down on the top of her dress until I've worked it below her bra. I push it to the side and start rolling her nipple between my fingers and she arches into me, moaning against my mouth. That's all it takes.

I push her back flat against the table—thank god she's OCD enough to make sure there's not extra shit lying around everywhere—and climb on top of her. She's panting as hard as I am and her hair is everywhere and she looks so fucking great. I don't know how the hell I got so lucky.

Her hands pull me down to where our lips are touching again and I reach between us and push her dress up to her stomach. I don't even bother to take the time to deal with her underwear; I just one-handedly pull them down to her thighs so they're out of my way.

I run my finger down through her once and immediately push two fingers inside of her. She gasps and her fingers go underneath my shirt and dig against my bare back. "Jane, that's…more. I want more of you."

I add a third finger and use my thigh as leverage as I start quickly thrusting into her. The table starts rocking and her body is undulating with every push inside of her. She bites her lip to stifle a moan as I use my thumb to circle her clit.

She raises her hand and pushes it in my hands and tries to find the right pace for me to come with her. The closer she gets, the faster her hand rubs against me but it's just not the right angle, isn't going to work. I slow my thrusts down long enough to pull her hand out by the wrist and lace our fingers together, placing our hands on the table beside her head. "Just wait. It's wasn't…just wait until you're done."

She fervently nods as I start pushing into her, harder than before. My knee is on top of her underwear—that are still around her thighs—holding her legs in place. I lean down and roughly bite her nipple and she whimpers, raising her upper body up to me. I do it again and again as I thrust until she finally takes a few quick gasps of breath and her body briefly tenses as her back arches up off the table.

She finally cries out and falls back down against the table, eyes still clenched shut and hand gripping mine so tight my fingers are white. I slowly work her down until her upper body barely lurches off the table and she shakes her head. "No…No more. I can't."

I gently pull my fingers out and wipe them against her nipple. I used my tongue to lick it off and her eyes finally open as she raises her eyebrow and lazily grins. "If you keep doing that then we might not even get to you."

I laugh and lean up to kiss her lips. "Can't have that, can we?"

She shakes her head and sits up, forcing me back on my knees, still straddling one of her legs. Her nails lightly scrape down my abs until she gets to my belt and starts undoing it. I grab onto her shoulders for support as her fingers slip inside my pants.

I almost moan as she instantly finds my clit and starts slowly rubbing against it. She runs her teeth against the outside of my bra as her hand starts moving faster and my nipples instantly get even harder. Feeling her hot breath against my abs as she licks across them combined with just watching her get off on the dining room table, there's no way I'm going to be able to last much longer. I never do when it comes to her.

I close my eyes and my head drops down, only focusing on every touch, every sound. Her fingers start moving in circles and she presses harder against me and my forehead creases as I feel it burning, building up inside me. There's no question about the way she knows _exactly_ how to play my body and get me there.

A few more seconds and I can't hold it off any longer. I put one hand in her hair and the other around her back to pull her cheek against my chest, holding her close to me as I finally come undone. My stomach clenches and unclenches and I jerk against her as I ride it out.

She finally pulls out her hand and I loosen my grip enough so she can pull back and look up at me. There's a satisfied grin on her face and her eyes are shining. I lean down and kiss her slowly before pulling back. "How was that for a thanks?"

She laughs and kisses me again before I climb off the table so she can get up. "I think we should be thankful more often."

I can definitely agree with that.

….

…

**So, would you like to see fluff or not fluff or smut or what for the next chapter? I have no idea what I'm going to write for it, so feel free to maybe shoot me some ideas if you want! **

**Thanks for sticking with me (:**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: You guys are awesome. **

**And we have 3 maybe 4 chapters till the babe arrives, so yay! Name preferences? I'll take them into consideration. (: **

…

I'm sitting sideways on the wrought iron loveseat thing reading a magazine when the door opens. I don't even have to look up to know it's Maura stepping outside to join me. I was wondering when she was going to get done cleaning or nesting or whatever the hell she calls it.

She picks my legs up off the swing to sit down and then puts them in her lap. She starts rubbing them and I look up, scrunching my nose. "Me and Frankie played ball for two hours today. I'm pretty sure they stink too much for you to be doing that."

She looks at me and raises an eyebrow. "Jane. I smelled them before I even sat down. I knew exactly what I was getting myself into."

My mouth falls open and her serious façade cracks, overtaken by the grin slowly spreading across her face. I don't even know where she learned how to almost be funny. I nudge her with my foot before looking back down at the magazine. "Mean," I mutter with a smile still on my face.

She slowly works her hand up my foot until her hand reaches my ankle. She instantly gasps and runs her finger up my shin in utter disbelief. "_Jane_, when was the last time you shaved your legs?"

I look up, eyes wide and turn my hand palm up towards her. "I've been busy, alright?"

She quietly laughs and shakes her head. "You amaze me."

"Well, well, Doctor Isles. I'll be sure not to shave my legs more often."

She teasingly runs her nail up my foot till I jerk it back away from her. "You know that's not what I meant."

It's hard to tell with her sometimes. She puts her hand up to her nose and cringes. "Are you certain you only played for two hours?"

She can't say I didn't fucking warn her. I nonchalantly shrug. "They were my old shoes."

"Oh."

My eyes get wide and I point at her. "No. Not _oh._ You're not throwing them out again, got it? They're lucky."

Eyebrows furrowed, she tilts her head. "Jane, shoes can't be—"

"—I don't want to hear your sciency bullshit right now. They're lucky. Don't touch them."

She tries to hide her smile as she rubs her hands on her pants. "I'm sure they stink too much for me to even attempt to touch them now."

I give her a smug grin. "Good. My plan worked perfectly."

She scoffs and rolls her eyes. "You're impossible sometimes."

"But I love you and your stinky hands," I say, wagging my eyebrows.

She frowns and looks down at her lap. "I wish I could say the same about your feet."

I gasp. "So cheeky today, Doctor Isles. I like it."

Her shoulders do this cute as hell shimmy thing and she airily laughs. Sometimes I wonder if she just sits around all day googling things that would be funny to say. There's no other reasonable explanation as to how she's gotten funnier just from being cooped up at home all the time.

We sit in silence for a few moments until I literally _feel_ her staring at me so hard I have to look up. "What?"

Her head tilts. "How many sexual partners have you had?"

There's no smile, nothing. She's completely serious. Great. "Why?"

"Isn't knowing this an existential part of any relationship?"

I really want to know what she does at home all the time. There has to be an explanation for her random questions. I shrug and look back down at the page. "Not to me. We would've talked about it before if I thought it was a big deal."

"Oh." She looks out into the yard and tries to twist her almost too tight wedding band. "Including you, I've been with seventeen people."

I look back up, expressionless. She could've said 10000 and I still wouldn't give a damn. Although the thought of other people touching her doesn't make me very happy. She mistakes my look for disappointment and tries to explain it. "I've been sexually active since 17 and I'm now only 35. If you took an average, you would see that it's just under one per year."

I try to stifle a laugh. "That's great, Maura. Way to keep your math skills sharp."

She playfully pinches my leg and I look back down at the magazine. It's literally only a few moments before I can't handle it any more. "Why do you keep staring at me?"

She gives an innocent shrug. "I was just waiting to see if you would tell me how many you had been with or not. I understand if you're embarras—"

"I'm not embarrassed, Maura. It's just not a big deal to me." I want to leave it at that, but I know her. This will seriously eat at her until the day that we die. I roll my eyes and drop the magazine to the ground. "I didn't keep count or anything, but maybe forty. Or sixty." I shrug and bite the edge of my nail. "I don't really know. But, I've been doing it since I was like 15. So isn't that like three a year?"

She nods, eyebrow barely quipping in shock that I just did that off the top of my head. I still catch it though. "It's perfectly normal to want to fulfill your sexual needs, no matter how often they occur."

I can't help but laugh. "Did you just offhandedly call me a whore?"

"Wha—I, no. I said no such thing."

She definitely did. What a little sneak. I can't even be mad though because chances are, she really didn't know she did.

"I know." I lean over and grab her hand, pulling on her until she manages to crawl up and lean sideways on my chest since her stomach is too big for this to work any other way. I run my fingers through the hair around her temples and look down to watch her thumb rub slowly against my side. I honestly can't imagine my life without her. I don't ever want her to think she's just second best.

"The majority of them were after everything with Hoyt. It's not like I had always slept around and just decided to settle for you. I don't want you to worry about it being a phase I'll get sucked back into, because I won't. It wasn't like that."

"I know." She reaches down, fingers gently ghosting across my arm until our hands are laced. "I'd still love you, you know? Even if it didn't stem from something traumatic and even if it was twice as many, I'd still love you. None of that really matters to me either."

I laugh and poke her side. "Well that's good since you're kind of stuck with me."

She crookedly grins, dimple popping out on one side. "There's no one I'd rather be stuck with."

I'll really never figure out how I got so fucking lucky. She looks up towards the sky as it slowly starts fading into a deep pink as the sun sets. "Did you ever love any of them?"

"Not as much as I love you."

"Jane," she breaths out, faint blush on her cheeks as she looks up at me.

It may be true, but I owe her a little more than that. I kiss her forehead and start playing with her fingers to try and focus on something else as I tell her; this isn't something I ever really talk about. Something I would _still _rather not talk about. But she's my wife and she at least deserves to know.

"Yeah. I fell in love with someone when I was 23. We dated for two years. Then everything happened with him and I just…didn't love her anymore. He changed me and made me want things from her that she couldn't give me. I wanted to control her— everything she did, everywhere she went. I didn't…I _couldn't_ love her anymore. Not after all of that. I was too scared it would make me weak. I never wanted to be weak again."

I take a deep breath and pull her a little tighter against me. "We lasted about a month after that and then everything was too much for her and not enough for me. Never saw her again."

She gently squeezes my hand. "Do you feel like loving me makes you weak?"

I finally look down at her with an honest, small smile on my face. "No. You make me stronger than I've ever been in my entire life. When I'm at work, I'm more careful because I have you to come home to. When I have a bad day, I don't have to hold everything in because you're here for me when I need to let it out. Before, I was angry and controlling and selfish."

I laugh at the small nod she gives against my chest. "But I'm not any of that anymore. You made me a better person. That doesn't make me feel weak. Knowing you're always going to be by my side makes me feel…invincible."

There's a weird wet spot against my chest and I look down and notice tears rolling down her cheeks. I used the hem of my shirt—which has to stink from ball, there's no way she can deny it—and wipe her face. "C'mon, don't cry. You know I hate it when you cry."

She nods, light laugh tumbling from her lips. "I can't help it. I love you so much."

Leaning down, I softly press our lips together. I'll never tire of being able to do that. "I love you too."

She licks her lips before grinning and looking out towards the yard. "I _thought_ I was in lo—"

"No, I don't want to know. I'd like to keep believing I was your love deflowerer, thank you very much."

She lightly smacks my chest. "That's actually what I was going to say. Granted, not in those _exact _words, but definitely close."

There's not a damn thing in this world that can compare to the feeling I get from knowing that I was the one to show her love. To know that I showed her how important she is and that she's _not _worthless—not to me and not to anyone else, her parent's be damned. "Good. I like being your first."

"Me too." Her hand inches under my shirt and her nails lightly graze my stomach. "Tell me about your first time."

I groan. "Mauruhhh, no."

She slightly pouts, her bottom lip barely rolling out. "Please? You're the only best friend I've ever had. Don't best friends do this?"

Well, that's sad as hell. It just got me to fucking cave in .2 seconds flat. How we've managed to not have these discussions before now, I'll never know.

I blow out a heavy breath and toss my hand up. "Fine. It lasted three minutes on a garage floor and it was the worst experience of my life." I look down at her and try to glare. "If you ever bring it up again, I'll kill you and raise our kid by myself, got it?"

She pretends to be serious and gives an exaggerated nod. "I'm a vault."

I roll my eyes. I'm seriously debating on whether or not I should just stay home to see where the hell she's picking up all these phrases.

She goes quiet and her hand slowly starts inching up to rest over my heart. "Can I tell you about mine?"

Just what I've always wanted to hear. Stories about other people that _aren't_ me having sex with her. "Ugh. If you must."

"I've never told anyone before."

Her voice is a quiet whisper and I instantly pay more attention. "That embarrassing, huh?"

She shakes her head. "Not quite in the same way as yours."

What the hell does that even mean? She won't look me in the face, so I'm already starting to get a little worried. "Oh."

She shivers—even though it's definitely not cold—so I wrap my arms tighter around her and wait for her to finally speak. "I was seventeen, like I said. I had finally decided to go out to one of the school's mixers because I had been asked by a boy from a neighboring school. He had perfectly articulated musculature and was very well versed in astrophysics."

Looking at all of her previous boyfriends, I'm really surprised I made the cut. Yeah, one of them was an attempted murderer, but still. Doesn't make me feel any better. "Of course he was."

She nudges me with a tiny grin before her face falls again. "As you know, I didn't have very many friends. I was very odd; always spending more time studying than attempting to socialize. So when he invited me, I gladly accepted. I felt as though everything had been going smoothly throughout the night. We talked about Archimedes, chromosomal disjunction, and even partook in a slow waltz."

Wow. That sounds fucking great.

I'm so glad my ass stayed in Boston.

"We left early and managed to go back to his room where I…he said we would talk some more. And we did. He also ended up being my first kiss."

Now that I think about it, I guess that's a pretty sweet story. Especially for someone that had no one. "Aww, Maura. That's cute."

Eyebrows creased, she looks up at me. "No it isn't."

There is obviously something more going on here. I can see it in her face. "Did he do something to you?"

He better fucking hope not.

She shakes her head. "No. Not like that. He was very kind. We spoke on and off whenever we could for a couple of weeks after that until I finally managed to see him again. It was almost graduation and I decided that he would be my first."

I shrug. That's definitely not as awful as I was expecting. I was thinking maybe some weird boarding school kinky shit or something I've never heard of. "Well it couldn't have been that bad if you liked him, right?"

Eyes watering, she bites her lip and takes a shaky breath. "It was. He had made a bet with a few of his peers that he would be able to have intercourse with me within three weeks of the mixer. Clearly, he succeeded."

It feels like my heart literally skips a beat. How could _anyone_ ever do that to her? She's nothing but good and compassionate. I swear she doesn't deserve half the shit that's been thrown her way.

I wrap one arm around her back and tangle the other hand in her hair, clutching her tightly against my chest. "Oh, Maura. That's…you're worth so much more than that."

She sniffs and wipes the corner of her eye. "It's alright. I just…I was a very weird child."

I firmly shake my head. "That doesn't mean that should have happened to you. You didn't deserve that."

"It's oka—"

"No. It's not, Maura."

I bite the inside of my cheek. I haven't been this pissed in a really long time. My breath starts coming faster and my fist clenches until my nails almost break the skin. "What's his name?"

"Are you planning to kill him?"

I honestly think I would if he was standing in front of me right now. "Yes."

She gives a soft laugh. "Thank you, but it isn't necessary. He washes dishes at a penitentiary in India. I think that's punishment enough."

Still doesn't make it right. She slowly loosens my fist and I shrug. "Maybe."

She sighs and sits up straight to look at me. It's almost impossible to make her out from that far with it being so dark, but I can still she her tilt her head. "Am I still that weird?"

I reach out and blindly feel for her hand. "Maura, you're the weirdest person I've ever met. But it's also my favorite part of you. You're amazing; I wouldn't change a single damn thing about you even if I could."

The white of her teeth shines through the dark as she smiles and she leans in, lips gently pressed against mine. "_You're_ amazing. Thank you."

I give a bashful grin. "Don't thank me for telling the truth."

Standing, I wrap my arms around her and hoist her up bridal style. I carefully walk her back into the house, kissing her all the way. She'll never be able to question how much I love her.

I gently set her down at the edge of the stairs and take her hand to start pulling her up them. "C'mon, let's take a bath. I stink."

She grins and I can already see the teasing glint in her eye. "Yes, you most certainly do. Perhaps even worse than before."

Throwing a wink over her shoulder, she walks into the bathroom. I might still be a little pissed at astrophysics boy, but as long as she's okay then I'll eventually get over it too. Especially since if that hadn't happened, she probably wouldn't be running our bath water. Just like if Hoyt hadn't happened to me, I'd be married to that girl I loved at 23, in a different house expecting a different kid.

And yeah, I might be okay with it because I wouldn't know exactly what I was missing out on. But now that I know what it's like to truly be happy and be happy with Maura…I wouldn't change a single damn thing.

…

**Feedback maybe? I'm not too sure how this is going to go over honestly. But it's perfectly fine if you don't. I already have the next chapter in the works!**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Yay for your reviews/alerts/favorites. You guys are the best!**

**Sorry that it's taking longer for me to update things, but it's college midterm time at my school and I'm a little frazzled right now. Hope this is okay!**

**Also, don't go fact checking things in this or anything. You'll see what I'm talking about, but just go with it and be happy and whatnot. (:**

…

Rolling onto my back as I slowly start to wake up, my eyes instantly shoot open as I glance to Maura's side of the bed. I might hate mornings, but definitely not this one.

She's slightly propped up against a couple of pillows and the right strap of her negligee has fallen down, letting the top of it slide down past her right breast. One leg is bent and her hand is working between her legs. Her eyes slowly blink open and she looks at me, best seductive smile in place. "Good morning."

Licking my lips, I smirk. "Shouldn't_ I _be touching you since it's _my_ birthday?"

Her shoulders lightly shake with her laugh. "I thought this would be a sight you would better enjoy waking up to."

Oh, it is. It definitely is.

I roll on my side and run my fingers down her arm as it tenses with her every thrust. She slows and starts to pull out her fingers, but I shake my head and slightly tighten my grip on her arm. "Don't. I want to watch."

She gives me that same grin before settling back further against the pillows, legs dropping open wider as she goes a little faster—small gasp falling from her lips.

I want it to be my birthday every single fucking day.

Her eyes fall close and I reach up and barely trail my finger around her exposed nipple—just enough for her to barely feel it. She bites her lip and her foot pushes into the mattress as she tries to lift herself up towards my fingers, but I pull back before she gets what she wants.

She falls back onto the bed with a slight groan, hair splaying out around her on the pillows. She's so wet I can hear it with every move of her fingers. It's pretty fucking hot and it kind of makes me wonder how long she was actually at this before I finally woke up.

Her breathing becomes labored and she reaches up with her free hand to pull and tug on the same nipple that I teased, pretending that it's me. "Talk to me, Jane. Say something."

Smiling to myself, my fingers trace down the inside of her thigh. "You're beautiful."

Small grin tugging at her lips, she opens her legs as I reposition myself on my hands and knees between her legs. "Keep talking."

My hands skim up the smoothness of her legs to rest on the silk on her ribs. "Tonight,_ I'm_ going to be the one doing this to you. Over and over again." I push her hand away and start massaging both of her tits with my palms. "You'll have to beg me to stop because I just don't think I'll be able to. Not with you looking like this."

She groans, thrusting faster and I start to pull my hands away. "Slower."

"Jane…"

Her eyebrows knit and she clenches her eyes tighter. She's so close that it's all she can do to keep it together. "Slower. I'm not ready for my show to be over just yet."

Her fist clenches at the sheet and she roughly bites her lip as she slows to where her fingers are barely moving in and out. I crawl back down to where I'm hovering right above her and start licking and sucking at the inside of her thighs, so close to where she wants me to really be.

Her legs start to tremble and I run my hands up to her sides as I pull back to look up at her. Her eyes slightly crack open and I nod, gently squeezing her hips with my hands. "Do it."

Eyes closing, her head dips back to push into the pillows and her fingers pull out and run up to circle her clit in slow, wide circles at first but increasing faster and faster with each second that goes by. She presses down against herself harder, applying more pressure as she rubs it one, two, three more times.

Her back finally arches off the bed, tensing for a long moment before she falls back down with a little shuddering cry that escapes her lips.

She slowly works herself down and I crawl up to hover above her, hand brushing hair from her face as I lightly kiss her until she opens her eyes. A languid smile forms on her face and she lazily blinks. "Happy birthday."

Happy Birthday, in-fucking-deed. And it's just getting started.

….

It only takes Maura half the time it usually does to get ready, so either we're in a hurry or somehow we've been blessed with a fucking miracle.

Glancing over at her in the driver seat—still looking perfect regardless of how quickly she dressed—I can't help but smile. I don't think I'll ever get used to seeing her being so small and pregnant as she drives this fucking Range Rover. Something about it is just too fucking ironic.

We roll to our third stop in twenty minutes because of this horrible fucking traffic and I look over at her, eyebrows raised. "It _is_ game day, Maur. It'd probably be quicker if we went the other…"

Something clicks and I narrow my eyes at her proud grin. "You didn't."

Her eyebrows raise and I _hate _that I can't see her eyes behind those damn sunglasses. Her eyes always give her away. "Didn't what?"

I hold my finger straight up and tilt it towards her. "Don't play that with me, Maura isles. You bought tickets, didn't you?"

She gives a tiny shrug and looks back out the windshield. "You could say that."

What the hell does that even mean?

"Either you did or you didn't."

"Well…"

This is something I'm clearly not going to pull out of her. "I have to wait, don't I?"

She nods, grinning smugly. "Yes."

I pretend to be irritated and flop back against my seat, arms crossed. "You're so frustrating."

"And you're cute when you get flustered."

"Ew," I groan. "Don't call me cute."

I can tell she's trying not to laugh. "Okay, you're _very_ cute."

That gets the best of me. A smile breaks out and I poke her side. "And you're just mean."

"Mhm," she hums as she leans into the kiss I plant on her cheek. I don't even know how I made it without her for so long.

It's not much later until we get to Fenway, parking closer than I've ever managed to get in my entire life. As our hands lace together, I start to ask how the hell she worked this out, but one of her eyebrows shoot up and I know better.

Where I normally turn left, she pulls me right towards the elevators.

Elevators that creep me the hell out. They aren't like the ones at the station. They're old and creaky and smell—effectively creeping me out.

But I can't exactly expect her to climb 2538 flights of stairs when she's this pregnant and still somehow wearing heels.

As if reading my hesitation, her hand squeezes mine a little tighter as we start to ascend. When the doors finally open on the top floor, my mouth nearly drops to the fucking ground. There's no fucking way she managed to pull this off.

She basically has to drag me down the enclosed hall to a door that has an older man standing outside of. After showing him a little card thing, he pulls open the door and lets us inside.

I swear I almost fucking die.

It's a _private luxury box_ above _home plate._

Never in my life did I ever expect to be allowed in here, much less watch a game from one.

The entire front is glass with a few private seats out on the balcony, there's a huge table with at least twelve leather chairs around it in the middle of the room, a whole private mini bar on the right side of the room, and a few leather couches facing the field so we can watch from inside.

My eyebrows shoot up and I look at Maura, joyful shock clearly evident all over my face. "Jesus Christ, Maura. Is this just for us?"

She laughs as she walks up to squeeze my arm, head tilted in faux deliberation. "I suppose we could always invite your family."

"No," I gruff out immediately. "Don't."

She grins, hand running down my stomach. "I'd prefer not to, as well."

I lean in to kiss her smiling lips in thanks of how fucking awesome she always manages to make shit like this, but as soon as our mouths touch there's a knock on the door and I pull back with a frown. I swear if someone in my family _did_ find out about this and worked their way up here, I really will die.

Or kill them.

Either way.

It's not long before Maura is walking back with two pizza boxes in her arms. She drops them on the little table by the couch and looks up, head tilted in that cute as hell way she does. "This room came with a catered dinner, but I know how you generally feel about those types of things." She gives a little shrug and grins. "So I ordered from Santarpio's for us."

I laugh and sit on the couch, pulling her by her waist until she's sitting sideways on my lap. "You really are perfect."

"No. I just love you."

I'll never get tired of hearing that. She leans down and kisses me once before I can say it back and then pulls out a couple of plates from the stack on top of the boxes. She puts some vegetable shit pizza on her plate and a piece of sausage on mine.

Even more perfect.

She only takes one bit of hers before she takes mine from my hand and takes a bite.

Well, more like half of the whole piece. She sets it back down on my plate and grins. Sneak, sneaky woman. "You don't even like sausage!"

Her eyebrow quirks up, head tilted. "If I recall correctly, you don't enjoy _sausage_ either."

I groan and roll my eyes. "Oh my God, Maura. If you don't stop talking to Frankie about shit like that…." I glare as she starts laughing. "He's corrupting you."

She winks, elbow nudging me. "I think you've already managed to do that."

Well, shit. She has me there. I can't even think of anything remotely good to say back to that.

That's definitely a point for her and none for me.

After finishing off a whole pizza—the vegetable one remained untouched after she took that first one, imagine that—the game finally starts. Part of me wants to go out and sit in the private seats, but the majority of me realizes that I'm probably never going to be in this room again so there's no way in fuck I'm letting it go to waste.

Just as the seventh pitch is thrown, Maura gets up and walks to the bar to bring me back a beer. It's cold and my favorite kind because she's just too great like that. I put my arm on the back of the couch for her to sit next to me and smile as I take it from her with the other. "Thanks."

"Anything for you," she rasps out, and my eyebrows shoot up as she gets down on her knees on the floor.

Definitely wasn't expecting this.

Her fingers start working at the button on my pants and I have to set the beer on the side table for fear of dropping it.

"What are you…" I glance out the window to see the entirely full stadium. "Can people see in here?"

"No. It's a non-reflective one-way mirror."

"You sure?

"Positive." The confidence in her voice is damn near enough to do me in, but then she pulls my pants down to my ankles and looks up, eyes blazing in the way they get whenever she's about to do stuff like this. "I'm never going to let anyone else see you like this but me."

Possessive Maura is rearing its head.

And I fucking love it.

She pulls on the backs of my knees until I'm sitting on the very edge of the couch. I slouch into the back of the couch as I lean up just enough for her to pull off my underwear. Biting her lip, she spreads my knees and looks up at me with a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Have you ever done this while watching a game with anyone before?"

If I had, it would've been with her as we watched a game at home but I really don't think we've done that. I shake my head, fingers lacing in her curls as I pull her closer. "No. Just you."

Her hands wrap under and around my thighs and she hums her approval as her mouth finally comes into contact with me. Her tongue slowly moves up and down a few times before she adds more pressure and my fingers slightly curl in her hair.

I glance up just in time to see one of the Yankees rounding third to score. But even though the Sox are losing, I really don't fucking care. Especially since I'm scoring in the best of ways.

Pulling my clit into her mouth, her tongue starts flicking against it and I sink back further into the couch. Her fingers start to dig into my thighs and head starts to move against me to give a little more friction where ever she can manage.

And it works.

Breathing harder now and hips rising up off the couch to press her more firmly against me, I brush some of her hair away from her face. Never in a million years did I ever think I would end up married, much less doing this at a Sox game with the most perfect person I've ever met. "I…love you."

The vibration of her small laugh against me almost does me in. _Almost._

I'm so close that I can't help the involuntary way I start grinding against her face. Part of me feels bad for doing that, but I'm just so fucking close that I can't wait for her to finish this her way.

Thankfully, she gets it. She wraps her arms tighter around my thighs and her tongue starts working quicker, more frenzied against my clit. I feel it building, burning, coiling and one more firm tug from her mouth does me in.

"Shiiit," I husk out through clenched teeth as I tighten my fist in her hair. My stomach tenses and I lean up before falling back against the couch. She slowly works her tongue against me to keep it going as long as she can before I give her a gentle pull for her to stop.

She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand as she climbs up to straddle my lap. Leaning down, she kisses me softly before pulling back, wide grin on her face. "I know I told you earlier, but…Happy Birthday, Jane."

Smirking, I squeeze her ass. "Best one I've ever had."

And it is.

…

…

**I know plenty about baseball, but nothing about Fenway. Obviously. S**

**Anyway, who's ready for a little bit of non-happy times? **

**Because that's next chapter. **

**Oops. **


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: Don't be so worried! **

…

I walk into the living room a little after eleven to see Maura conked out on the couch. She looks so peaceful and perfect even without any makeup on. Not to mention the fact that she's gotten to the point where it's like her tits enter a room 5 minutes before she does and at least 10 minutes after her stomach.

Odd as it sounds, I'm going to miss seeing her like this.

I pull the blanket off her and drape it across the couch before gently shaking her shoulder to wake her. Disoriented, her eyes slowly blink open and she gradually sits up. Almost immediately after she gets her bearings, her eyebrows furrow and she starts looking me up and down.

"Where have you been?" The acquisition is clearly evident in her voice.

I should've known she would've started asking sooner or later.

"I've uh," I lean down to help her stand, "I've been out."

Smooth, Rizzoli. That's not fishy at all.

She slightly narrows her eyes and leans in as she starts to sniff. She smells around my neck, my shoulder, and the collar of my shirt before pulling back, jaw clenched. "You smell different."

"I do?" That doesn't even sound innocent to me. Shit. I should just come clean. It might be embarrassing, but it sure would be better than starting a fight.

I just don't think my pride can handle coming out with this.

Her eyes start to water, pain and hurt etched on her face as she takes a step back from me. "Have you been seeing someone else?"

Not exactly where I saw that going.

I thought maybe a fight about trust and honesty or something. Not this. She knows better than to think I would ever even _think_ about seeing with anyone but her. I exaggeratedly roll my eyes. "Yeah, Maura. I've been cheating on my extremely pregnant wife. That makes sense."

My sarcasm is not taken well. Her eyes widen and she opens her mouth to say something, but then closes it and abruptly stomps/waddles her way down the hall to the bathroom and slams the door.

Damnit.

I quickly follow after her and jiggle the door knob, but it's locked. We never lock the doors. This is fucking great. Lightly knocking, I press my ear to the door. "Maura?"

Nothing.

"Maura, please open the door so we can talk."

Again, nothing.

I let out a frustrated growl and grope along the top of the door facing until I feel the little key. "I'm coming in..."

I wait for a few seconds to see if she flat out tells me to leave her the fuck alone, but she doesn't so I unlock the door and slowly walk inside.

She's sitting on the edge of the tub, head buried in her hands. I sit on the toilet lid next to her and reach out to touch her knee, but she jerks away. "Come on, Maura. You know I'd never cheat on you."

She slowly looks up and I'm surprised to see she's actually not crying. "I never expected to feel this way," she points at herself, "these hormones are _still _managing to wreak havoc on my emotions. But, do you blame me?"

She shrugs, head tilting as she tries to work through the facts. "For over a week, you've smelt differently and you stay out much later than you ever have before and sneak into bed. It's only natural that I would come to this conclusion, isn't it?"

Shit. That does make me sound kind of guilty.

Time to come clean. Embarrassed, I feel my face heat up and I look down at my hands. "I'm not cheating on you, Maura. But," I take a deep breath. When did I become such a sap? "I've been doing some volunteer work down at Berring's."

Berring's is a new 24 hour daycare center to help out second and third shift parents. I figured I'd go down there after work and get used to helping with the kids since mine is almost here and all. Even I know that's lame, but it's better than sitting on my ass and expecting to miraculously be perfect at this.

She gasps, face instantly twisting into something much more wonder and astonished at the same time. "Really?"

I nod my head and bashfully look away. "Yeah. I figured I'd get some practice in before she got here, y'know? I don't want to do something wrong and you…you're good at everything and I'm not. I just wanted a little bit of a head start so I don't fuck up as bad as I know I probably will."

She scoots down the edge of the tub until she's beside me, placing her hand over my back and rubbing circles. "Jane, you're not going to majorly mess up anything. You'll learn as you go."

I scoff. I absolutely _hate_ that answer. "Yeah, that's what Ma says."

She slowly starts brushing my hair back away from my face. It's unbelievable how someone who claims to be so socially lacking knows how to comfort me so damn well. "You had a great childhood and still have a wonderful family. You'll be great, Jane. Any child would be lucky to have you as a parent."

I look up, the corners of my lips barely turning up in jest. And maybe a little bet of honestly. "You'll be better.

"Maybe, maybe not," she shrugs, eyes going soft and hands reaching down to take one of mine in both of her own. "There's no way to know. We could be equally terrible."

That gets a small laugh out of me. "That's _so_ reassuring."

She pulls closer to her and kisses my temple before standing and tugging on my hand. "Let's go to bed. We can talk about this more in the morning, I know you're exhausted."

She has me there. A fucking awful day at work—I haven't even thought about bringing that shit up to her because the shit will really hit the fan then—plus two hours trying to figure out how to get a baby to stop crying has me dead on my feet.

I hold my hand up behind her, just in case, as she looks over her shoulder while we climb up the stairs. "That's very sweet of you going down there to help. It's not something that had even crossed my mind."

"And I thought you were a genius."

She looks over her shoulder, smiling as she moves her hair so I can unzip her dress. "And I thought you were a badass."

"Yeah, well," I lean in to kiss right below her ear, "You changed that."

And she did. After him, I never thought I'd be able to let anyone in or love anyone at all. But then came the day I saw her standing outside of those elevators, and I was done for. She started chipping away at the wall I had so painstakingly built from the moment we met. I'm glad she did. I wouldn't change the way things have turned out for anything in the whole damn world.

I step in front of her so she can put her hands on my shoulders to balance as I help her step out of the dress. I shake my head as I toss it onto the chair by the bed. "Why do you even bother getting dressed up anymore? It's not like you go anywhere."

Her mouth playfully drops open. "Contrary to what you like to believe, I don't just sit around the house and do nothing. Besides, I often have guests and I'd prefer not to look like I had just gotten out of bed."

The shirt she tugs on used to hang well below her thighs, but now it barely manages to cover the bottom of her stomach. Damn. I really _am_ going to miss that. It's fucking cute as hell.

I raise my eyebrows as I pull back the bedspread. "I'd like to know what kind of guests you have over since all of our friends are at work with _me_."

She lies down and turns her face towards me, her face dead serious. "I have other friends."

I can't help but scoff. "Maura, my mother doesn't count."

Her eyebrows crinkle and she squirms on her side to get comfortable. "Yes she does. I think your mother is a very wonderful person and I value the relationship I have with her."

Of fucking course she does. I bet she's the only person on the planet that actually likes her mother-in-law. She watches as I hold up a shirt in front of me. Either I bought the wrong size or Maura's been sleeping in more of my shirts than I realized.

I pull it over my head anyway and she smiles as I crawl into the bed next to her. "Besides, sometimes our neighbor comes over as well. I enjoy the company and I'd rather not have to deny it because I'm not fully dressed."

My arm is halfway reaching out to pull her over to me when I stop, eyebrow raising. "You let Eric in our house? While you're alone? Maura, how many times have I told you how creepy I think that bastard is."

She scoots over and huffs when her stomach keeps her from getting any closer to me. "Just because he enjoys _looking_ at you, doesn't make him creepy. He merely finds you attractive."

That honestly doesn't make me feel any better. He literally comes up to me every time I'm outside to talk about the weather or some bullshit I really don't care about. I'm going to run a background check on him just to be sure.

"I still can't believe you had him over here."

She laughs, fingers running down my cheek. "I was talking about Edina."

"Oh." That's what I get for assuming I guess. Wait. She can't be talking about who I think she's talking about. That woman is 92 years old and I have yet to see her without sponge rollers in her hair—and I've lived here almost two years. Plus, she has at least 9 cats, just like the little old lady stereotype.

"Edina as in _Mrs. Barnes_, Edina?"

"Yes," she says, innocent look on her face. "I invite her over so I can prepare lunch for her sometimes since she can't see well enough to cook for herself anymore." She reaches around to turn off the lamp before rolling back over to face me. "Not only do I get to enjoy her company, I also have the satisfaction of knowing that she's eating at least a couple of healthy meals a week."

How can someone be so fucking perfect and nice? Jesus Christ, it's getting ridiculous.

But it still makes me love her even more.

"Why are yo—

"—Oh. Oh, wow," she whispers as she blows out a puff of air.

Worried, I start to sit up but she gently holds my arm until I slowly lie back down. "She's simply kicking again," she says with a small grimace on her face.

I put my hand on her stomach and holy shit no wonder it hurts. Our kid is definitely playing soccer or something, I can already tell. This is a lot different than the little ripples they used to feel like.

I rub my hand along her stomach in a weak attempt to maybe help, but they just aren't softening up. It's like the baby decided to throw a fucking uterus rave.

I run my other hand against her hair and she angles to where her forehead is pressed against my chest. I'd be content to just lay here forever with her and forget about everything else. Today was fucking horrible and I know I should tell her what happened soon…but I just really don't fucking want to. She's going to get upset and then I'll get upset and it's not even something I want to do anyway.

Fucking work.

The baby finally stops moving around so much and she sighs, surely about to fall asleep. I just want to stay here in this moment of perfect contentment and love and comfort with her hands and smell wrapped around me. I dread the moment that it ends—which will be soon. It's only fair to let her know instead of keeping something like this from her.

"I love you so much," I whisper, hoping she's asleep and doesn't answer. At least this way we can hold this shit off until the morning. But I kind of hope she's awake. I'd feel so damn guilty keeping this from her.

"I love you too," she groggily mumbles. Damnit. I wish my conscious hadn't gotten the best of me. Her hand slightly pushes against my chest. "What's wrong?"

I can't do this. She deserves to know, but she doesn't deserve to stay up all night worrying. Waiting a little bit won't hurt anything.

Right?

"Nothing. Why?" I really wish it wasn't so fucking dark in here so I could see her better.

"Your heart rate increased."

"Oh." Damn genius. "Just thinking about some stuff. Nothing important."

"Jane…"

I know what it means when she says it like that. It's not going to get me to cave this time. It's not fair to ruin her night because I'm not tough enough to handle my own damn anxiety. "Really, it's nothing. Go to sleep."

Her hands clutch a little tighter in my shirt. "Jane, your voice always changes when you lie. So please don't. Not to me."

Goddamnit. I guess it really isn't fair to lie to the person who can't lie back. "I'm sorry. I just…I feel like I'm already messing up."

"What do you mean?"

The understanding and softness of her voice settles around me, causing my throat to start burning. I refuse to cry about this when I haven't even told her what the fuck is going on. I'm completely silent for long drawn out moment as her fingers start roaming over my clenched jaw.

She's not going to let me talk my way out of this—it's now or never. I take a nervous, shaky breath. "Cavanaugh…he wants me to go undercover.

Her hand stills and she pulls back to try and read my face in the dark. "Wh…when?"

"Next week."

She pulls completely away now and sits up, leaning over to turn on the lamp. She looks down at me, face full of disbelief. "For how long?"

She already knows the answer to that. "As long as it takes."

She audibly swallows and looks straight ahead to the wall. "Did you say no?"

I honestly didn't say anything. I stormed out of his office like a fucking two year old. I reach out to touch her hand and she flinches. "I'm the closest one to the guy's MO. He really needs me to do this."

Tears are already starting to form in her eyes. "So your job over your child? You know I'm due in only a little more than a month."

The raspy, tightness of her voice is almost too much for me to take. Half of me wants to quit my job right now and tell her we'll never fucking leave this house again if she doesn't want to. I mean, I used to only care about my job. But that was before her and before this baby and before I knew what loving her could feel like. I'd give up anything for her and I know she'd do that for me.

I sit up next to her and she finally lets me take her hand. "No. You know I'd choose you. I'd always choose you."

"Are you sure about that," she replies, voice flat. Like all the energy has been sapped right out of her.

I'm not even going to pretend like that didn't sting. Of course I'm fucking sure and she knows that.

"Maura, if you don't want me to do it, I won't." She doesn't say anything and I really don't know what the fuck to do. Maybe I should try to explain myself, let her know why I didn't immediately tell him no. I raise her hand up to my lap and look down as I start to trace the ridges of her wedding ring.

"I just want to make sure it's a little bit safer out there when she gets here. And yeah, there's always going to be someone else that comes along that I'll worry about, but it will be one less if I did this. I just want to protect you as best as I can, Maura. The both of you."

She licks her lips as she thinks it over, sitting in silence and still not looking at me. "What about your previous attack? Won't he recognize you from the publicity it received?"

I shake my head. "That was eight years ago. Not many people even remember it anymore."

Gently squeezing my hand, she finally looks up and her eyes are filled with sadness or worry or heartache, I'm not even sure. "Are you scared?

It's all I can do not to scoff. Scared is an understatement. I used to refuse to let anything scare me and now that I'm with her…that's definitely not the case.

I nod and then lean back against the headboard. "Always. Everyday I'm scared something bad will happen and I'll leave you two here alone. Not a minute goes by that I'm not thinking about you or how to be more cautious so I can come home to you." I lean over on her shoulder, arm wrapping around her right above the swell of her stomach. "Maura, I won't do this if you don't want me to. I won't hold it against you if you say no, alright?"

"I know." Her fingers start stroking my arm and she takes a shaky breath. "I only wish I knew exactly how long this would entail," she whispers.

If I do end up doing this, I'd love to have a definite end date so I would be able to count down until the day I got to come back to her. That seems a little sappy though, so I'm not saying it. She'll know that's what I'm thinking anyway though. She's just too fucking smart like that.

"Me too."

I can basically hear the wheels turning in her head as she internally debates with herself. "I want it to be safer for her too."

"I know."

There's a few more minutes of silence before she finally speaks. "But I don't want to risk losing you."

I nod against her. It's a horrible decision to have to make. Putting my life on the line to make sure our baby's life will be a little safer—which I know I'd do every damn day if I had to—or have someone else step in for me and hope they do half as good of a job that I could do.

She finally pushes against me to lie back down on her side and I follow suit, only inches away from her. Biting the inside of her lip, her eyes roam over my face like she's inspecting me—trying to memorize me. "No one else is as close of a match?"

"Not as close as me, no."

Her hand slides under my shirt and rests on my side. "You'll be safe?"

"I'll try."

"I don't like that answer," she brokenly whispers, one tear sliding out and rolling towards her nose to hit the pillow.

"I don't like lying to you." I wipe it off, and leave my hand on her cheek just to feel her. "I want to say yes, absolutely. But we both know something could go wrong and I could end up doing something stupid. So I won't say yes. Not if I don't know for sure."

She's trying not to break down, but she's clearly losing the battle as a few more tears start to fall. "I want you to be here when she's born. I can't do that alone."

"Maura, I won't miss that," my hand slides down her arm to rest on her stomach. "You won't have to do that alone. I promise."

"I thought…you didn't want…to lie," her voice breaks with every shuddering breath.

The sight of that is enough for me. I wipe under my eyes to keep anything from seeping out. I'm going to be strong for her, for this. "I'm not lying. Maura, I'll do everything that it takes to be back for that. I promise won't miss it."

The hand on my side clenches as she pulls me closer to her. Her forehead creases and her eyes squeeze shut. "I really want to believe you."

I lean in, kissing her over and over and over until she finally calms down. Until she finally stops holding on to me so tightly and opens her still-watery eyes. She's so fucking beautiful. I shouldn't agree to do this, I shouldn't leave and put myself in danger like this. But she didn't say no, so I'm going to.

But I won't miss this baby coming into our life. Not for anything.

"Then believe me."

…


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: you're all fantastic! Thanks for the encouragement. **

…

My knee nervously bounces up and down, hands sweating and balmy. I can just imagine Maura at home alone for months and the baby coming and missing it. Putting Maura through that…no. She's been alone her whole life until me. I can't let her be alone for this.

It goes against everything I used to be, but I can't let her do that. I told her I'd pick her over the job any day, but those are just words. I want to fucking prove it. I want to prove she never has to be alone again, I want—

"Rizzoli, pay attention. This is important," Cavanaugh barks out. "We have the apartment set up on Hadbury. Here's the preprogramed phone, the key—"

"I can't do this, Leau. You need to find someone else."

His face snaps up so quickly that I almost jump. "What do you mean you _can't_? You've had all week for this!"

Yeah, a week of Maura crying and clinging and foreboding my death. It was great. Really sealed the deal.

I shake my head, jaw setting in defiance. "I can't."

"Goddamnit." He puts his hands on his hips and sighs. I can tell it's just a front; he knew I'd be the best for this but he wanted to send me about as much as I wanted to go—which wasn't much at all. There's something to say about being on his good side.

He narrows his eyes, but can't seem to keep the edges of his lips from quirking up like he's secretly proud. Not many cops put their families first, but he's always impressed with the few that do. He nods, waving me away with his hand. "Get Riley for me on your way out."

I can't help the smile that breaks out as I turn to leave. She was supposed to do this anyway since she's the newest, she just didn't match the other victims as much as I did. Looks like she'll have to dye her hair and everything.

I almost feel bad for her. _Almost._

But she doesn't have a family of her own. Work is her life; she'll enjoy getting to do this. So better her than me for fucking sure.

As soon as I tell her, a huge beaming smile breaks out on her face and she all but jogs back to Cavanaugh's office. I almost told her it isn't going to be how she imagined it, but there's no sense in ruining it for her before it even begins.

I think about stopping to get Maura some flowers or something on my way home, but decide against it. I really just want to fucking be with her right now.

I break every speeding law that I can without it being too reckless in the hopes that I'll get home and she's still somehow asleep. I really fucking doubt it though. It's Maura. She always wakes up when she realizes I'm no longer there.

Quietly, I close the door just on the off chance she's still in bed. But when I get up there, she isn't. Of course she isn't.

I turn to walk to the nursery to see if she's there and that's when I hear it.

Damnit.

The bathroom door is shut and there's no light coming from under it so she has to be sitting there in the fucking dark. That's never any fucking good. I definitely shouldn't have waited until the last minute to call this thing off. I should've used my head, I should've thought more about how it would affect her.

She's not herself without me; I'm a part of her that she can't lose. And she's that for me too. It must be killing her to realize that I willingly walked out on her to leave her alone like she's always been; to maybe die and take a part of her with me.

I knew I shouldn't have listened all those times she said it was fine that I did this. I shouldn't have fucking listened; I should've asked the right questions. She may not be able to lie, but she sure as hell can hide the truth. I have a feeling that's what she was doing.

Slowly opening the door, I flick on the light. She's sitting on the floor, back pressed against the side of the tub and eyes swollen and puffy. It registers who I am and she looks up with confusion, then anger, then overwhelming sadness. She shakes her head, face crumpling again. "I can't do this alone. You can't go. I need you to be here with me and our daughter."

"Okay." I walk over and crouch down in front of her, fingers brushing back some of the hair from her face as a few tears start to fall. "I'm here."

Her shoulders start to shake and she starts making noises I've never heard from her before—that's how hard she's crying. She's really managed to work herself up in the time I've been gone. She starts coughing so hard she barely suppresses a gag. I sit on the floor in front of her, pulling and tugging until she finally gets it and crawls over to me. Her cheek presses against my chest and her shuddering sobs tickle against my neck.

She is just not even about to stop.

"God, Maura. Calm down, alright? You need to calm down."

"How am I supposed to calm down when you're yelling at me?"

"I'm not yelling!" Okay, maybe I'm yelling. It's just hard to even think with all the noises she's making right now. I pull her closer, one hand rubbing her back and the other on her stomach. "I'm staying with you, okay? I'm not going anywhere. I wouldn't leave you."

I say that over and over until she's reduced down to shaky, trembling breaths. Her arms finally release their vice like grip around me and she pulls back to look at me, wiping her face. "Who took your place?"

I have never seen anyone cry like that and I have _never_ seen Maura reduced to such a bubbling mass. I'll do whatever takes to not have that happen again. I take her hand in mine, pulling out the waded tissues and throwing them in the trash. "Riley."

She slowly nods, probably thinking of all the things they'll have to do to get Riley to look right. After a few seconds, she frowns. Like it just hit her that we've spent over half an hour on the bathroom floor. "I'm sorry for behaving so poorly. It's only that the contractions started when I awoke and I was scared and I thought you were going to miss it and—

"—Contractions?"

She always rambles when she gets nervous, but I swear to fucking God that I heard _contractions_ in there somewhere.

She nods, lightly squeezing my arm. "It's fine. They're very, very mild."

Dear shit. I swear my jaw drops to the floor. "And you didn't tell me?"

She barely shrugs, true innocence written all over her face. "You had already left."

She's too much sometimes. I roll my eyes and point at my hip. "I _do_ have a phone, Maura. You know, a device that lets you talk to people when they aren't around?"

Pursing her lips, she narrows her eyes. "I know what a cellular device entails. But it just isn't time to go yet."

In all those books I read, contractions=baby. We are not having our kid fall out in the living room because she wants to wait till the last minute. "You sure?"

"Yes," she says with a perfunctory nod. "I'm certain."

I eye her, warily. She doesn't falter, just keeps looking at me. So yeah, she's definitely certain.

But I'm not.

"C'mon. We're going now."

I stand up and hold her hands to help pull her up. "It's much too early for that, Jane. Labor sometimes lasts for days. I should at least wait until the contractions are—"

"No," I cut her off as I walk towards the closet to grab the bag we already have packed. "We're going now and that's that."

I hear a huff behind me. As long as she doesn't say anything, she's not protesting so I'm okay with her whining if it means she's going to listen. I look over my shoulder as I reach for a folded blanket. "You're not going to like…leak in the car or anything are you?"

Her face instantly goes flat. She is not amused.

"Right." I grab a few more things out of the bathroom before I'm finally satisfied and start walking her down the stairs. "Does it hurt?"

She shakes her head, making sure the door is locked as she pulls it shut. "Not particularly. Just a little discomfort."

Well that's good. Except it just means she's going to want to die later. I don't even think _I'm_ prepared for the pain she's going to be in. I start to open the car door for her, but she grips my arm and tilts her head. "What are you doing?"

It's pretty obvious. "I am…opening the door?"

She raises an eyebrow. "I gathered. But why are you opening the _cruiser_ door?"

"It has lights? We'll get there faster." That's pretty obvious to me, too.

She sighs, shutting the door and pulling me to the Ranger. "Jane, people go into labor and take regular cars to the hospital every day. I would prefer to be one of them." She turns, kisses me quickly as an apology for shooting down my_ brilliant_ idea. Well, I think it was brilliant. "Besides, the car seat is already safely secured in this vehicle."

Never let it be said that she sits at home on her ass all day. I didn't even know we _had_ a car seat and she's already strapped it in. God, I love her.

I sit the bag in the back before climbing in and heading towards the hospital. Only then does it hit me that it isn't her due date yet. My mouth goes dry and I set a clammy hand on top of hers and squeeze. "Maura is everything okay?"

She flips the air vents towards herself and looks over to me. "I don't know."

The car instantly swerves and I have to jerk it back in the lane. There better not be anything wrong going on right now. Neither of us could handle that. "What do you mean, _you don't know_?"

"I mean I can't be certain. But most likely considering how well the check-ups have been going lately."

I never can get a straight answer out of this woman. "I mean since you're early….you're not too early are you?"

"It could be better, but it's certainly not bad."

So fucking frustrating. I love her, but shit. All I want is a fucking yes or no. "No wonder you don't work with living people, Maura. You're scaring _me_."

I glance over to her to see her slightly frown. "I don't want to be wrong. It could possibly get your hopes up…that would be worse, wouldn't it? To think everything will be okay and then it not be?"

Well, shit. She has me there. I just pray to fucking god that everything is okay. It _has_ to be okay.

Right?

…

…

**I guess we all know what's coming next! Any requests, let me hear 'em. You're all fantastic!**


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: You guys are awesome. **

**It's finally time! Yay. It doesn't get graphic at all, so don't worry if you're squeamish.**

…

36 weeks is apparently _the magic number_ or something, so they didn't try to stop it. The baby is fine, Maura is fine…well, she was when she got admitted eight hours ago. She ate, she watched some weird science show I brought for her, she was even laughing a little bit.

But not now.

She's lying on her side with me behind her, constantly having to rub her back as she cries. I don't know why she won't just take the damn epidural. It would make shit a lot easier for her. But I'm not going to ask. She'd just go on some scientific tangent and I'd have no idea what the fuck was coming out of her mouth. I'd really rather not go through that right now.

I reach up with one hand, wiping some of the already damp hair from her face. "You want some more water?"

"Yes," she nods, exhaling heavily with another contraction. "Please."

I have a feeling those manners aren't going to last much longer. I get up and get her some ice water from the little fridge and hand it to her. She takes a few sips before another contraction hits and she chucks the bottle at me.

At least she put on the lid.

"What was that for?"

She rolls on her back, hands covering her eyes. "_You_ did this to me," she spits out, voice slightly shaking. "You did."

I feel bad for her, but who am I if I don't have sarcasm?

"Technically…_I_ didn't do it to you. In case you've forgotten, it's pretty impos—"

"—If you feel like being a smartass," her hands fall from her face and her eyebrows raise as far as they can, "feel free to leave. I'm _not_ in the mood for your insufferable attitude right now."

It's all I can do not to laugh. I do feel bad for her, I really do. I sit by her side on the edge of the bed and take her hand, unclenching it from a fist. She looks at me slightly pouty and I smile. "You know what I'm going to miss most?"

"What?" Her voice is low, dejected. Maybe I shouldn't go where I'm going with this, but hopefully she'll smile or something.

"Your belly button."

Her face falls, completely serious. Pissed even. At least she's longer dejected, I guess.

"Shut up," she snaps, eyes narrowed.

I shrug, still smiling. "I'm being serious! It's like a little eject button."

I reach down to poke it and she smacks my hand none too easily, scowling harder than I've ever seen. "I do _not_ appreciate that."

Now is apparently not the time for joking around.

Before I can say anything else, her face scrunches up and she gasps; errant tear rolling down her face as she grips at the sheets. She breathes quickly for the duration, falling back limp against the bed and shaking her head as it passes for the moment. "Get the nurse."

"What," I look up and down her body, "Is something wrong?"

"Get. The. Nurse." She growls it, literally fucking growls without even opening her eyes. It'd be really fucking dumb for me to not listen to her right now and even I know that.

I stand up from the bed, hitting the button and it's only moments until she comes in, checking everything out. She looks up, smile on her face. "Looks like it's finally time."

Maura whimpers a sigh of relief and I squeeze her hand. "Do good, alright? I'll be back as soon as you're done."

Her eyes snap open, wider than I've ever seen and she turns sheet white. "You…what?"

A small part of me wants to push this, but the rest is warning me to drop it now. I think she'd kill me if I actually walked out of this room.

"Relax," I laugh as I push more hair from her face, "I'm not going anywhere."

She punches my stomach with the back of her hand.

Hard.

I can admit that I deserved that.

Amy finally comes in and quickly runs through everything that's going to happen and then sets up camp at the foot of the bed. This is it; it's finally time. I don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling right now. It's just everything all at once…it's surreal even.

I'm about to be a parent.

An honest to god fucking parent.

It's weird to even think about.

I hold Maura's hand—well, more like she crushes mine—as she pushes once, twice, three times, before she falls back and shakes her head.

"I can't, I can't," she pants out between breaths, eyes pleading up to me.

I'd give anything to trade places with her, if only just for a second so I could take away some of her pain. And that's a pretty big fucking deal since I will never, _ever _be the one doing this. No fucking way. But I do just wish I could help her right now.

I push some of the hair matted to her forehead away and rub my thumb across her knuckles. It's familiar; something I do all the time. So hopefully it will maybe relax her just a little. "Yes, you can. Maura Isles isn't a quitter."

She yanks her hand from mine and glares. "Maura Isles _also_ doesn't have her body do this every day, Jane Rizzoli. Maybe you should pick a better pep talk strategy."

Teeth clenching, she all but screams again and I stand by the bed in awe. "Jesus, what has gotten into you?"

"More like it's what is coming _out_ of me," she growls out as she finally resumes pushing.

It's a weird time to learn how to make a good comeback, but I'll take it. Especially since it seems to have gotten her going again.

But it doesn't last long. Only a few minutes later and she starts profusely shaking her head again. "You're almost there," I hold my hand out towards hers that's fisted in the sheets. "You can even break my hand if it makes you feel better."

She gives a tiny, watery smile. "I love you."

Thank God her emotions flip quicker than a light switch. I grin and give her fingers a little squeeze after she places them in mine. "You better if you're gonna break my hand."

"I'm not…oh, shiiit," she yells, louder than ever before as her teeth bare.

I'm honestly surprised it took her this long to start saying stuff like that. Stronger than I could ever be.

Her outburst gets me to look down for the first time and I instantly feel myself go pale. "What the fu..."

That shit is never going to look the same again.

"Jane," she growls out. Literally fucking growls, nostrils flaring and eyes shooting daggers of death.

I guess I actually said that out loud. Great.

Another contraction hits and she grips my hand so hard I'm sure she just fucking broke it for real. Out of spite or pain, I'm not too sure.

"No, I meant…I meant you're doing great, alright? I can even see her hair already."

She finally smiles an almost normal smile. "Re-really?"

"Yeah," I nod, rubbing her hand, "Really."

I look back down one more time and I'm not going to lie, that's just too fucking much for me. It's not that I think its gross, but…it's pretty fucking gross. And those books said this shit was beautiful.

Wrong.

Vowing to not look down there again until this shit is over, I take a deep breath and concentrate on Maura; encouraging her and letting her cry and give up for a few seconds when she needs to. It feels like for-fucking-ever—even though it's only about forty more minutes—when a shrill screaming cry fills the room.

And this time it's _not_ Maura's.

It's also the best sound I've ever heard.

They hold her up quickly before they lay her on Maura's stomach and let me cut the cord. My hands are shaking and I'm pretty sure I'm crying, but…wow.

It just feels so…_real_ now. This is real and we are parents.

I never thought I'd ever say that about myself. I never even thought I _wanted_ that for myself.

But now…I've never been so sure of anything in my entire life.

They take her and wrap her up before handing her to Maura. Maura's hands and arms and whole body are shaking and I'd be worried except for the huge smile on her face as she looks down at the baby.

_Our_ baby.

God I've never been so fucking happy in my entire life.

She's covered in goop, but I can tell her hair is jet black and already starting to curl. Not many babies are pretty right after they're popped out—I'm pretty sure I remember crying about Tommy's cone head when I saw him after he was born—but, damn. She's beautiful. She really, really is.

Her cries finally calm down to a whimper, and her eyes open briefly only to squeeze back shut at the bright light. Maura's still shaking, but she reaches up and trails a finger down our baby's cheek. I pretty much lose it at that, but I try to wipe those damn tears away before anyone can see them. I can't believe I've already turned into mush less than ten minutes after our baby is born.

All too soon they're picking her up and taking her over to the incubator to check her out since she's a little bit on the smaller side. At least she's not going to the nursery, so I'm not worried.

Well, Amy had to tell me the baby was fine at least four times before I calmed down enough to let them. I should probably be embarrassed about that, but I'm not. Not at all. I'm always going to protect her and make sure she's okay, right from the start.

I _almost_ groan as I think about it. I'm _definitely _sappy mush already. There are now two girls that have me wrapped around their fingers.

I never thought I'd see the day.

I sit on the edge of the bed facing Maura as the doctor fixes whatever they do—I'm not even going to pretend I read that part of the book—and hold one of her shaky hands between mine.

"Are you okay?"

She nods, breath hitching. "Yes….just the influx…of hormones."

Smilng, I wipe an errant tear from her face. At least I'm not the only one condensed to a blubbering mass of tears. "Are you happy?"

Her bottom lip quivers, but she laughs—head nodding vehemently as she starts crying again. "So happy, Jane. I'm _so_ happy."

She's sweaty and there's not a hint of makeup on her face and her hair is all over the place, but I've never seen her look so damn beautiful and happy before. I'll never get over how lucky I am to have her and all the things she's given me—including our perfect little pint across the room.

I smile, crying all over again. I don't even try to hide it this time. "Me too."

"She checked out wonderfully," Amy says as she walks up to get our attention. "You can take a shower whenever you feel up to it and then we'll all go upstairs to your room, okay?"

Maura nods, wiping her eyes and Amy squeezes her shoulder. "You did great."

Maura thanks her and takes a few deep breaths before she starts trying to swing her legs over the edge of the bed. Holy shit. She just popped a kid out twenty minutes ago.

I stand up, mouth agape. "Already?"

Her face pales a little, but she nods as she clings onto me to pull herself up. "If I had used an epidural, I wouldn't be up so quickly."

I almost laugh. I knew there was a reason that she didn't use one, and it's _not_ because she wanted to walk sooner. "You just wanted to tell everyone you were a badass, didn't you?"

She holds on to my arm as she takes a few unsteady steps towards the bathroom. "I would never say that about myself," she gives a weak, sly smile as she looks at me, "to anyone but you."

I do laugh at that. "Well, you can say it all you want. You definitely earned it."

And she did. There's no way in hell anything I have ever done could ever compare.

She lets me help her into the shower and then turns a little red as I pull the showerhead down and step in front of her. "I'm gross."

Leave it to Maura to not care if I watch her give birth but get embarrassed about this. She's so damn confusing sometimes. I'm not even going to try and pretend to understand this. I turn on the water and lean down to kiss her forehead. "You're amazing and I'm here to take care of you, alright?"

She gives a weak nod. "And the sooner we get done, the sooner we can get back out there with her."

"You make a very compelling argument," she says, grinning. Looks like I'm not the only one already wrapped around our daughter's finger.

I wash her legs and start working my way up to her stomach when she takes a stumbling step back. I quickly wrap my arm around her to hold her up. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I just need to… " Her hands clutch onto my sides of my shirt and her forehead rests on my shoulder. "Better."

Well this just got complicated. At least I can wash her back this way. My clothes start to get wet, but I don't even care. I can change later.

" You did really good y'know? Tougher than I'll ever be."

"I'm not so sure about that."

I roll my eyes as I start washing her hair. "Maura, you pushed our ten pound kid out like a champ. I barely survived a tiny bullet."

She scoffs, laughter following closely after. "She's hardly ten pounds."

I'm actually pretty glad. That would've been absolutely fucking horrible. Maura definitely would've given up then and I sure as hell wouldn't have blamed her.

I rinse her hair one last time and kiss her forehead. "I love you. So much."

A slow, languid smile forms on her face. "I love you back."

I'd love to just stand here with her and tell her how happy I am that's she's given everything to me, changed me in the best of ways. But our baby is out there now, too and I'm really dying to see her again. I kiss her one more time before I turn off the water and step out of the tub. Her arms reach out towards me for balance as she tries to step out. "Help me?"

I grab a towel and wrap it around her so she can lean against me as she climbs out. "Anything you need, Baby Mama."

She tilts her head, eyes dancing. "That sounds incredibly... Maury of you."

Are you fucking kidding? She doesn't know 90 percent of my 'pop culture references' but she has honestly sat down and watched _that_ show? Unbelievable.

At least she's proud of herself for using it right. Smiling, I start drying her off. "So I can't call you that?"

"You may call me whatever you wish if you hurry up and get me back to a bed."

I laugh and shake my head. "Grouchy Baby Mama."

A small frown forms on her lips. "Tired Baby Mama."

She has to be. I'd be dead on my feet right now.

"I know. Almost done"

I finally finish drying her off and point to the folded gown on the vanity. "Do you want to put that on or something you brought?"

She takes a minute to contemplate and points to the dufflebag by the door. "Just leave the bag in here; I can dress myself."

I feel like this is a test. I eye her skeptically. "Are you sure? You know I don't mind helping you."

"I'm certain," she says with a small smile. It's genuine so this is no test. I still feel bad for leaving her.

"Maura…"

She lightly pushes me towards the door. "Go see her. I'll be there in a moment."

She knows me too well. I want to wait on her and go out there together, but I feel like this isn't just for me. I want to see our daughter and yes, she does too…but she also needs a minute to herself. To work everything out and process everything that's just happened. I just know her that well, too.

"Yell if you need me, okay?" I say, already backing towards the door.

"I'll always need you, Jane," she says, eyes already watery as she smiles. "But there's someone else who needs you now, too."

….

….

**That was the sappiest ending I've ever written. What even. **

**Do leave your thoughts if you have time, they make my day! And yes, the baby's name will be revealed the next chapter. Yay!**


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. I'm glad last chapter did not disappoint anyone, and I hope this doesn't either! Thank you all for reading and sticking with me this far. (:**

…

I walk in the room with some greasy food that Maura begged for to see her propped up in the hospital bed with her eyes lightly shut, wearing a pair of my old sweats and that hoodie I gave her forever ago. I still haven't gotten over amazing she did earlier.

"You look good."

Her eyes slowly open and follow the food in my hand as I set it on the table. "Are you trying to sweet talk me?"

"Oh, yeah." I lean down and kiss the crown of her head. "Never too early to start trying to knock you up again."

Her eyes immediately widen in terror.

"Relax," I laugh, "We haven't even made it home with this one yet."

She smirks. "Who said I wouldn't be knocking you up?"

Hell. No.

My eyebrows immediately shoot up. "I did. I saw what that shit looked like coming out of you. No thanks."

Her brow crinkles and she tilts her head. "Did you just call our child "that shit"?"

I can't even help but laugh. "No, I was _not_ talking about her and you know it. But speaking of…"

I walk to the other side of the bed where she's laying in a little rolling bassinet thing. She's asleep, bundled up like a little potato. Her nose slightly twitches every so often and her black hair is sticking out from under the hat in little tufts. Part of me knows I should let her lie there and sleep, but I really,_ really_ want to pick her up. So, of course that's what I do.

She hardly even whimpers as I lift her up and settle her in my arms. Maybe that means she's going to be an easy baby after all.

I nearly roll my eyes at that. Highly doubtful. She's _is_ a Rizzoli. We hardly ever make things easy.

But she's so small and tiny and…holy shit. I just realized how easily I can this mess up or do something wrong. I look back up at Maura, eyes wide, and she gives me a tired grin. "You're doing great, Jane. Just remember to stabilize her neck."

Rolling my eyes, I look back down at her and her tiny pink lips form a perfect ring as she yawns. I swear to fucking god my heart literally melts. I reach up to touch her soft cheek, and her eyes slowly open before squeezing shut again. Still pretty good for a baby that's only an hour old. I smile and look up at a teary-eyed Maura.

I walk to the edge of the bed. "Can I?"

"Of course," she says with a full blown smile. She winces as she scoots over and it makes me feel bad for asking, but I know this is what she wanted even though she didn't voice it. I just know her like that. I gently place her in Maura's arms, leaning my cheek against her shoulder to look down at our perfect baby's face.

Her eyes blink open and she looks up at Maura. I know she can't see very far right now, but I swear to god I've never seen a happier baby. Maura smiles the biggest smile I've ever seen—hands down—and runs her finger over the little button nose.

"Do you really think I'll be enough?" She asks while still looking down.

"What do you mean?

"For so long…it was only me. I didn't—my childhood was not ideal. I don't want to be like my mother. I want to give her everything I never had." She looks up at me, eyes slightly watery. "Will I be enough for her?"

Seeing her—seeing _them _like this is perfection. She should never doubt herself like that. I put my arm around her back, slightly pulling so she can lean against me.

"Maura, just saying that shows how much you're willing to do for her. You'll be enough. More than enough."

It's not much longer—after a few tears have been shed. Not from me, _of course_—when Ma bursts through the door, hands weighed down with god knows what and a smile plastered on her face. She practically powerwalks over and looks down, hand flying up to cover her heart as she gasps. "Dear Joseph, that is _the_ prettiest baby I have ever seen."

"Yeah," I say as Maura passes her to Ma, "She's a real chip off the ol' block."

Without looking up, Ma says, "I'd say she's cuter than you were."

I gasp. "Ma!"

She gives a little shrug as she sits in the rocker by the bed. "All you did was scowl all the time. Looked just like your father."

Crossing my arms, I raise my eyebrows. "I was probably annoyed by the sound of your voice."

She finally looks up and glares at me before looking at Maura. "So…" her eyes light up, "What did you finally decide on? My grandbaby needs a name!"

Just by the look on her face, I can already tell she's about to go buy 8724 monogrammed things with her name on them. My kid is _not _going to be that dork. Maura can't even talk me into letting our daughter wear that mess.

Maura grins, hand lightly squeezing my thigh. "Alessandra after Alessandra Giliani, an Italian atomist and surgeon in the fourteenth century."

"Allie," Ma whispers as she trails her finger across a tiny, soft cheek. "It's perfect. What about the middle name? I hope you girls didn't jump on that newfangled idea of not giving middle names. No grandbaby of mine—"

"Hannah," I interrupt, cutting off what's sure to be a twenty minute tirade.

Ma instantly pauses before rolling her eyes. "_Jane_. You didn't!"

Maura looks back and forth between me and Ma in confusion. "Jane said it was her grandmother's name?"

Ma scoffs. "Her grandmother's name was Frederica."

I give a small shrug. It was my grandmother's name…it was one of my grandma's _favorite_ names…maybe I forgot a word or two. Sounds close enough to me.

Ma shakes her head, eyebrow raised as she walks back over to the bed. "Hannah just so happens to be the last name of Janie's childhood favorite football player, Jo—"

"John Hannah," I crookedly grin, "Best offensive lineman of all time."

Maura thinks for a second before it comes to her and she looks at me. "Boston Patriots?"

I laugh. "New England Patriots, yeah." She takes Allie from Ma and looks down at her, small smile tugging at her lips. "You're not mad are you?"

"No," she says, looking back up at me with slightly watering eyes. "It's…it's just so _you_ to name her after something like that; to give a part of your childhood to her already. I wouldn't have it any other way."

And even though Allie is starting to fully wake up and whimper, I don't think my life has been any better than it is right now. A crying baby and a beyond wife…it's perfect. I wouldn't change a damn thing about it either.

…..

…..

**El fin. **

**Okay no, I still have a good 10 or 11 chapters left of this. Sorry this one is short, the next chapter just didn't combine with this one very well. Feel free to let me know of anything you'd like to see (: **


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: Wow. It's been a while, hasn't it? But I'm finally done with this horrible semester, so I will be updating regularly over the next month again. Yay! And this one is on the shorter side just to get me back in the groove of writing this one. **

…

"Janie, you help Maura inside and I'll get the baby," Ma says from the backseat—where she insisted on riding to _make sure you don't get distracted, Janie _because heaven forbid she not be around us 24/7.

Like she has for the past two days at the hospital.

I glance to Maura—who's luckily still asleep and can't give me a sympathetic grin—before groaning. "You're coming in?"

"I'm only here to help you get settled and then I'll be out of your hair, Jane," Ma says, arms flailing enough for me to see in the rearview mirror. "You make it seem like I'm the worst mother ever just for wanting to help you."

Operation Guilt Trip has commenced. "Ma…"

"I'm just saying you should be a little more grateful for me, Jane. I could've just let you do this all on your own and Lord knows what would've happened to my only little grandbaby."

I roll my eyes. Maura is a goddamn dictionary—anything I need to know about babies, I do. Plus a lot more than _anyone_ has ever needed to know. I don't think Ma has really grasped that concept yet.

"Yeah, I'm sure Maura would've agreed to sign Allie up as a drug dealer already if it wasn't for you. Thanks for keeping us on the right track, Ma."

I narrowly dodge her hand as she reaches up to smack my arm in annoyance. Can't deny that I deserved that one.

Short on sleep, Ma bickers to herself as she climbs out of the car and walks around the other side to get the baby—her offhanded remarks instantly switching to baby coos. She really is going to be great to Allie, and I really should tell her how grateful I am more often.

I scrunch my nose.

Maybe after I get more sleep.

_Maybe._

After finally rousing Maura and making sure she feels good enough to walk by herself—okay, she might have smacked my hands away to prove her _I'm not an invalid_ point but I really was just trying to help—we make it inside and finally settle on staying in the living room.

The TV is on mute and Maura is sitting thigh-to-thigh with me and the baby is sleeping in her arms, and it's _perfect_…but so _different _than what I was expecting.

"Does this feel weird to you?"

Maura looks up from readjusting a tiny-stripped hat and tilts her head. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know…" I bite on the corner of my nail as I try to figure out how to explain this. "It's like I've forgotten how we were before already, y'know? I feel like I want to be around you and her all the time now…never let you out of my sight. I don't even want to leave the room without both of you coming with me."

"It does take a while to adjust to a change of this magnitude," she reassures, smiling as her hand coming over to rest on my knee. "I've always loved how protective you were, and I love how protective you are of us both even more."

Her grin is enough to banish any embarrassment I was feeling from my admission, and I lean down and kiss her temple. "Anything for my babies."

Smiling wide, Maura shifts Allie in her arms to get more comfortable and I reach over to touch her tiny hand. "Do you want to shower? Or sleep?"

Maura averts eyes towards me and I shake my head. Her hair is in a ponytail and she doesn't have a speck of makeup on, but she looks perfect. There's no need to go make herself _presentable_ or whatever she calls it, because I'm convinced she could be wearing a sack and make it look amazing. "I just meant I could watch her while she's still asleep of you want to take a nap."

"Jane," she sighs, reaching up to lightly touch the darkened bags I'm sure are under my eyes. "I know for a fact that you stayed up all night at the hospital doting on us instead of sleeping. You're the one that needs to rest."

I can't help the fact that I didn't want a nurse—a nurse that I hadn't had the chance to do a background check on, for that matter—taking care of my wife and child. I was perfectly capable of doing so myself. "But—"

"Sleep," she says with a soft expression tinged with a _please do what I say __right now__ because I want what's best for you _face.

And there's no way I can object to that.

"Fine," I relent, before looking between her and the baby. "But just for a minute. And wake me up if you need me. And don't let me—"

"Jane," she laughs, squeezing my thigh. "You're going to need sleep eventually, okay? Just sleep while she's asleep, and I'll wake you if need be."

I bite my lip before deciding that this _is_ actually the best plan since she'll need me to get up during the night too. And I don't think three nights in a row without any sleep would make me of much use to anyone. "Okay. But I'm sleeping on the loveseat so I'm close."

"But your back—"

"Shh," I tease as I flop down on the loveseat on the other side of the room. "No talking. You'll wake the baby."

"Ja—"

"Shhh," I peek one eye open to see the death glare she's shooting at me before closing it again as I laugh. She's just too easy sometimes.

Or maybe_ I_ am for caving so quickly from just one of her looks.

….

_The nursery door is creaking as it slowly swings back and forth on its hinges. Every single light in the house is off but the one in the nursery and it's hot—god, it's so fucking hot in here. My legs feel like heavy, numb lead as I try to walk into the nursery, and I try to hurry but I can't and it's frustrating, and why the fuck is it taking this long? _

_I try to call out for Maura but my voice is weak and raspy, scratching along my throat as I try to force her name out over and over and over again to no avail. _

_Goddamn it._

_I keep trying, again and again as I pull myself down the hall towards that damn creaking door until I'm right in front of it…_

_Until I see Maura's body lying on the floor, covered in her own blood with dulled eyes and her fingers extending out towards me—wanting me, _needing_ me to be there with her. And I try—I swear to God, I fucking try—but everything on me is so heavy like I'm trying to swim in fucking quicksand and she's so far and it's gets hotter the closer I get, and by the time I'm finally there her eyes are half closed and her fingers are cold._

_This _can't_ be happening. It _can't_ be real. _

_It can't. It can't. It can't. _

_I finally stand and look into the crib and it's completely emptier than the look in Maura's eyes. And god damnit, it feels so fucking real. _

_I feel sick and terrified because all of this is completely out of my control and there's cackling—that awful fucking cackling I swore I'd never hear again is right in my ear, persistent and growing louder and closer and more malicious by the fucking second. _

_Then Hoyt is there, standing over Maura's body and holding _our_ baby. Cackling and grinning, the light glinting over the scalpel in his fist. And I try to move—try to move to grab Allie or him or my gun but everything is still so heavy and my hands are clammy, and there's nothing to do but fall to my knees and yell as he walks down the stairs and out the door. _

…_._

"Maura!" I yell as I jolt upright on the loveseat, the room darkened except from the light from the setting sun coming in through the windows.

She quickly comes from the kitchen, eyebrows knitted in concern. "Jane, what's—are you alright?"

I stand on shaky legs, using the couch arm for stability. "No, the baby. Where's the baby?"

Walking over, she reaches up to press her hand against my forehead. "She's upstairs in the nursery. Maybe you should—"

But as soon as I hear _nursery _I'm already heading up the stairs. I know it's irrational and I know was a fucking nightmare, but it just felt so real that I can't shake the fear that's settled down around me.

It's only moments until I'm upstairs and rushing across the stairs to look in the crib. And just like Maura said, there's Allie lying there—bundled up in a blanket with ridiculous anti-scratch mittens on her hands as she sleeps .

Taking deep breaths, I clench onto the side of the crib as I count backwards from twenty to calm down. I can't fucking believe this. I had been doing so well—it has been nearly ten months since my last nightmare…months since my last thought of _Him_. I just can't fucking believe this.

Maura finally comes up beside me, hand coming to rest on my own as her thumb strokes the scar. I finally open my eyes and look down at Allie again, effectively avoiding Maura's eyes. "Can't she just sleep in our room?"

Maura sighs, her other hand reaching up to push some of my hair out of my face. "She'll get used to it and will be unable to sleep in her own."

I shrug as I watch Allie take short, even breaths. "What's wrong with that?"

Maura gives a light, quick laugh. "Ask me in four years when she's still sleeping in our room and I refuse to have sex with you for fear of her waking up and seeing."

Her diversion works for only a moment before my smile fades and I finally turn to look at her, my voice dropping as I try not to let on to how close I am to crying. "Maura…"

"It was just a nightmare," she reassures, expression softening. "It must have felt real—"

"It _did_ feel real."

And terrifying. If a dream about losing your wife _and_ child was that bad? I know I'd never make it through losing them. Either of them.

"But it wasn't. Hoyt is dead and we are very much alive," she says, clasping my hand in both of hers and bringing it to her chest.

I didn't even have to tell her it was about Hoyt, but she knows. She _always_ knows. Just like she knows I needed to feel the steady drum of her heart underneath my fingers to reassure me, calm me down. Still holding my hand to her chest, she reaches up and wipes the lone, errant tear from my eye. "Like I said, this is a very big adjustment for us. But we will figure it out _together, _and I will be here for you every step of the way. Just like you'll be here for me, okay?"

I nod because I wholeheartedly believe her, and she leans up to give me a quick kiss. "I'll see you downstairs?"

And because she knows me so damn well, she even knows that I need a few minutes to myself. I nod again—the only way to keep my composure— as she squeezes my hand before walking out.

Only after I'm sure she's gone, I grip the edge of the crib and don't even try to staunch the flow of tears—deciding that this will be the last time I ever let him have such control over me. And also wondering how I'm ever going to bring myself to sleep again.

…

**I promise you won't have to wait another month for an update! I'm sure I'll have another up within the week (: **


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: Long time, yeah? I've been in sort of a rut with this one, but I finally got a few more ideas for it. Hope you enjoy!**

…**...**

The first night at home wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. There were no screaming fits that had us running down the hall, no crying about not getting the baby back to sleep. Just an alarm set for every two hours so Maura could feed her.

And yeah, Maura said that the baby will generally just sleep and eat for the first few weeks, but….I'm just going to pretend it's because our kid is just superior or something—anything to give me a few bragging rights.

It's not even seven yet, but Maura hates being separated from Allie so much that she's already brought the baby in here and laid her between us on the bed. I prop my head up on my elbow and look down at her.

For now, she's awake and quietly laying there; her forehead wrinkled as she tries to focus on something, her mouth parted open and her hands—covered in those ridiculous looking no scratch mittens—are resting on her cheeks. I reach out and lightly touch her nose; she blinks and slowly turns her head towards me.

"She looks like you," Maura says in a sleepy lilt with an adoring grin on her face.

"Nah," I reach out across Allie to squeeze Maura's hand. "She's cuter."

"Give yourself a little credit, Jane. I've seen your baby pictures, remember?"

I laugh. The night Ma made her sit and go through every single photo album of me as a kid was pretty damn mortifying, and Maura brings it up any chance she can get.

"Yeah, don't remind me," I look back down at Allie, her black hair wildly sprouting everywhere and her face scrunches when she yawns. "But she's still cuter."

And then, just to add to the moment, Allie decides to grunt and proceeds to let out the worst sound she's made since she got here.

A sound that means it's my cue to get the hell out of here.

Maura sits up-practically jumping for joy over another poop diaper—and picks her up to carry her to the nursery. She clearly has this under control…no need for me to stick around. I get up and start walking downstairs to the kitchen.

"Jane?" Maura calls over her shoulder as she walks down the hall.

Shit. I know that tone. It's the _you're not getting off the hook __**that **__easy again _tone.

But no.

I am _not_ getting roped into this yet.

I look over my shoulder as I keep walking down the stairs. "Decaf, right?"

"_Jane_."

And that's the _you get over here or we are __**never **__having sex again _tone and even I know better than to fuck with that one.

I groan and turn back around, following her into the nursery. My nose instantly scrunches as I watch Maura unsnap the onesie and open the diaper. "Ugh. That looks disgu—" Maura's head slowly lifts, eyebrows raised as far as they can. I clear my throat and nod as I steel myself. "It looks like… like something I can definitely handle."

Maura smugly grins, stepping out of the way so I can do this. I take a deep breath and try to keep Allie from squirming around.

I can do this without letting her roll off the table. Definitely. A diaper is no challenge for Jane Rizzoli. I take down armed gunmen. A little poop is not going to be my downfall. I can do this.

Well, maybe if I couldn't feel Maura's eyes boring into the back of my head. "Well, don't watch me."

"Why not?"

"It's weird."

Her eyebrow arches and her arms cross. "I'm weird?"

"No. Well yeah, you can be pretty weird, but I mean" I throw my hand out towards her, frustrated. "Just don't watch me, alright?"

She bites her lip to keep from smiling. "Okay."

The baby starts whimpering because the wipes are cold—okay, yeah, Maura told me to hook up the warmer last night and I forgot—and I'm starting to worry about not doing this as well as Maura because she's just naturally good at everything, especially this. I try to open the diaper without taking my other had from the baby, and hear a snicker from behind me.

"Maura, I can _feel_ you judging me and I do not appreciate it."

"That doesn—"

I groan, shaking the diaper furiously to open it. God, I'm horrible at this. "Close your eyes, Maura!"

"Fine," she says through a laugh. "I'll go make the coffee so maybe you won't be so grumpy."

I scoff. "Yeah, well, you're stubborn."

"That's like the pot calling the kettle black, don't you think?"

I don't even need to turn around to see the huge smile on her face. That was a good one and she knows it. Not replying to her—because she effectively finished that argument—I listen to her walk out and I _finally_ get that damn diaper open.

It's all downhill from there; she stops whining as soon as I get it on and start to fasten the red and white dotted footed-onesie that snuggly fits her little body. I pick her up as gently as I can, her little head fitting in the crook of my arm perfectly. Like she was always meant to fit there.

"See, I didn't do so bad." I say, lightly smoothing down her hair and swaying from side to side. "I think it was a decent first attempt anyway. Can't really compete with your Mama though, can I?"

And at that, her head turns towards me and she starts rooting around like _I'm_ the one with the goods to feed her with. Laughing, I lift her to rest on my shoulder. "You're barking up the wrong tree for that, little lady."

I cling to her as I walk down the stairs—I'm still afraid of dropping her down these things—and pass her to Maura in the kitchen and resume coffee making duty. "She's hungry."

Maura frowns. "Really? She ate less than an hour ago…"

"Yeah, but she's a Rizzoli," I retort, fumbling around with that damn coffee machine, "We like to eat."

"Hmm," Maura hums, walking towards the living room. "Looks like we'll just have a miniature Roly Poly Rizzoli on our hands."

I can't help but laugh at that. Maura's comebacks have gotten 100 times better than when we first met, and it makes me love her even more.

"Hey, do you want—" I cut myself off, as I look at the silver mug on the counter. It reminds me of what II brought home to give to Maura last night and forgot in the back of the car.

Fucking nightmares. Still managing to screw with my routines after all this time.

"Jane?"

The concern is clear in her voice as she calls out, and I shake my head as I start to walk to the front door, coffee all but forgotten. "Be right back."

After digging through all the shit in the back of the Rover—yeah, really need to clean that out before Maura sees—I grab the flat, square box messily wrapped with silver paper and take it back inside.

"I forgot to give it to you yesterday when we got home," I say, carefully sitting beside her on the couch to not jostle them around too much.

Maura takes it from me with her free hand and sets it on the couch beside her. "It's nothing big or anything…I just thought it'd be something you'd want to keep."

Maura looks up, smile on her face. "I'm sure it's wonderful.

Her fingers slowly trace over the edges as she tries to quietly pull the paper apart from the back. Finally, she manages to open it and flips it over, sharply inhaling and looking up with tears in her eyes. "Jane, that's…."

She leans into me, holding it in her free hand and the baby still feeding between us. The frame is silver to match the ones in the hall, and the matte is completely white spare for the middle where two tiny black feet prints are.

"How did you even manage to get this?" She asks, looking back down at it.

Putting my arm around her shoulders, I pull her, _them_, closer into my side. "I gave it to the nurse before they stamped her for her birth certificate. They did this before they cleaned the ink off."

"I love it," she says, her voice thick. "So much."

"And I love you so much," I say, leaning over and kissing Maura's temple. Then I reach out and brush my thumb along Allie's cheek as she continues to eat. "And I love you too, little champ."

Maura lets out the smallest laugh. "Little champ?"

"What? Not good?"

Her eyebrow rises in response. Clearly not a nickname she agrees with.

Laughing, I lean over and kiss her lips. "We'll work on it."

…**.**

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Thanks for reading, as always (: **


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